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Unread 02-22-2003, 09:55 PM
Lauren Hafford Lauren Hafford is offline
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Best Joke Ever

What is the best (clean) joke you've ever heard?

I'll start it off with a nice nerdy one:

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

:-) Lauren
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Unread 02-22-2003, 11:31 PM
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A man walks into a bar..........OUCH!
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Unread 02-22-2003, 11:40 PM
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Haha. That binary joke is sooo old...(you know it's old when thinkgeek makes a shirt about it )

It's not the best...but the only I could think of:

Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation
got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove.
"I own a sign company," the first man said. "So naturally, I have a purple Neon."
The other two men nodded.
"I'm a veterinarian," said the second fellow. "I have a white `Vet."
The third guy was quiet for a minute.
"Well," he finally said, "I'm a proctologist. I have a brown Probe."

Sorry
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Unread 02-23-2003, 12:48 AM
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ugh

its not really a joke but its humor....

TOP TEN REASONS COMPUTERS
MUST BE FEMALE

1. They just sit there blinking dumbly at you.


2. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.


3. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed

to memory for future reference.


4. They frustrate the hell out of you when you give a command and

they don't, won't, or can't follow it.


5. Sometimes, try as you might, you can't turn them on

particularly if you already have a floppy in.


6 If you floppy disk has a virus, you can be $@#$@#$@#$@# sure your

computer will get it.


7. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.


8. A better model is just around the corner.


9.The best part of having one is the games you can play.


10. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
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Unread 02-23-2003, 01:07 AM
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A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, "What'll you have?"

The duck says, "Got any pickles?"

The bartender spits and says "We don't have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!"

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any pickles?"

The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!"

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: "Got any pickles?"

The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. "I told you two times we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!"

With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.

The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: "Got any nails?"

The bartender, puzzled, said "No."

The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any pickles?"
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Unread 02-23-2003, 02:18 AM
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there's only 1 kind of people, those who understand computer counting, and those that don't. it's a variation that's much much less used.

asking what pi is:
geometrician (or geometer or whatever the guy's name would be): the relationship between a circle's circumference and its diameter.
mathematician: 3.14159265........
engineer: about 3
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Unread 02-23-2003, 02:44 PM
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No one ever likes this, but I'll give it a shot...

Here is a dog telling a joke.

Knock Knock
(who's there)
Woof
(Woof who?)
WOOF!

(Leaves sad and alone)
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Unread 02-23-2003, 02:55 PM
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ok. So there was this man. He had this dog.

One day this man was walking that dog, and they crossed the street.


and now back to the "Best Joke Ever" thread
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Unread 02-23-2003, 03:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by MissInformation
the duck shrugged
i'd like to see *that*!

=-]

some of you higher-level math students will like this one...

what do you get when you cross a mountain climber with an elephant?

nothing... a mountain climber is a scaler! hehe
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Unread 02-23-2003, 04:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by George1083
i'd like to see *that*!

=-]

some of you higher-level math students will like this one...

what do you get when you cross a mountain climber with an elephant?

nothing... a mountain climber is a scaler! hehe
A variant of that:
What's the difference between a mosquito and a mountain climber?
One's a vector and one's a scalar!
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Unread 02-23-2003, 05:04 PM
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warning: drawn out pun ahead . . .

It's the year 2350. Humanity has spread to a few star systems, and is dedicatedly colonizing them. However, there is one discovered planet still lacking much human settlement. On this planet resides a single sentient life form. It is several hundred feet tall, and rather humanoid in form. Brain waves indicate great intelligence, and consciousness, but the creature does not move.

One day, a college student, investigating this creature for his college thesis, gets frustrated and yells out, "how can something evolve with arms and legs if it doesn't use them?"

It turns out this is the first time anyone had asked a question loud enough for the creature to hear. Presently, it stood up, (parting the clouds with its head) pondered a bit, boomed out, "IT CAN'T," and sat back down.

The student was dumbstruck. "But of course." he muttered. "It only stands to reason . . ."


[disclaimer] This joke was paraphrased from a Callahan's Crosstime Saloon story (I forget which) by Spider Robinson.
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Unread 02-23-2003, 08:12 PM
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I don't get it.
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Unread 02-23-2003, 08:15 PM
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Talking

those were all good
but i got the best:
Q:y did the chicken cross the road?
A: to get to the other side
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Unread 02-23-2003, 08:20 PM
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alas

Quote:
Originally posted by joe gem
those were all good
but i got the best:
Q:y did the chicken cross the road?
A: to get to the other side
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
har har =P

at least its a normal answer....xP
*bangs head on glacier*
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Unread 02-23-2003, 08:46 PM
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I dont have a joke, but I do have a little song!

To the tune of "I'm a little Tea Cup"

I'm a little Source Code
Short and stought
Here is my input here is my out

Thanks! I'll be here all week!
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