Ill thoughts of one another...

[kayla13]

Lately, I do not know why but many problems have aroused about speakings told truthful or not but ill thoughts of one another. I do believe that it is ok to vent, yet there is a place to draw the line and I can verify that. It may change from person to person yet it should stay in a range of professionalism and be spoken in a gracious way. I do not like to tolerate, speaking about myself or anyone around me.

"Do not speak ill of each other, yet if necessary let it be drawn by the shoreline in the sand."

-an author I cant remember

I do try to stay away from ever talking about other people, yet I cannot lie and sometimes it just comes out. I think that when you are upset or mad at someone be mature and go talk to them instead of talking behind their backs. Instead just go up to the person and sort it out. I have had my set of talks and problems, but if you have a problem with anyone or me just please don't make any controversy and go up to the person and say something for goodness sake.

It is a fine line between talking to someone, and just laying out every bad thing that they can do too. Think before you say something. Your actions can affect the person you talk to or talk about very deeply. Take into account the circumstances, be nice be courteous of others' feelings and it will make everything better.

-Kayla

[KenWittlief]

when something goes wrong between two people, a lack of communication only makes matters worse.

Being able to deal with personal conflict is a major life skill. Its something we must learn and work on throughout our lives.

One basic problem is this: When someone does something that hurts you the human-nature response is to do something to hurt them back. This can be by saying something mean to the person directly, or hurting them by talking about them behind their back.

The way to get past this is really simple, but its not natural or obvious to most people. If someone does something hurtfull to you, simple tell them "what you did really hurt me, I feel really bad". Dont say anything else. If they dont understand why you are hurt, explain to them why. Then stop.

Dont insult them back, dont try to get even. 99% of the time the other person will realize they have made a mistake and apologize.

If you were the other person, the one who caused the pain, then dont try to explain or make excuses. Simply state that you realize you did something wrong, you made a mistake, and now you understand what you have done.

Everyone makes mistakes in just about every aspect of their lives. For some reason we dont get emotional about using the backspace key on our keyboards, or the erasers on our pencils, but when it comes to dealing with mistakes we make with each other we get caught up in our emotions. Things can quickly get out of control.

[sanddrag]

I believe in my own somewhat twisted interpretation of the "Golden Rule" for driving applications. For example, if someone is going 60 in the fast lane (when there is clearly no traffic) I'll pass them and then hang in front of them at about 55 and then see how they like it and maybe tap my brakes to make the lights come on a few times (only for a few seconds though, then I proceed on my way up to around 75 or so depending on conditions). If someone is trying to switch lanes when they clearly have no reason to other than gain position, I don't let them. If someone tailgates me, I go slower. If someone tries to pass me when I'm already going plenty fast, I speed up so they can't. I believe there is no excuse for incompetence behind the wheel or stupidity on the pedals (although some of you may accuse me of that last one, though I assure you I drive with smarts) I don't play road rage games or anything like that, but I make bad drivers feel silly, and maybe one day they will realize they aren't any good at it and should ride a bike or something. My only exception to my rule is motorcycles. No matter how big of a jerk they are being on that wicked little machine, I let them go. One little mistake can take a life in the snap of the fingers on one of those darned things. If they are riding behind me and want to pass, I make extra room for them to go around.

I have very bad thoughts of most drivers until I see them execute a beautiful move (such as cleanly overtaking a slow driver), then I think of them with very high respect. If someone cuts me off or almost hits me or makes an illegal maneuver, I'll yell and scream at them the worst things you could think of. Of course my windows are up so they can't hear me. It makes me feel good though.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not the kind of person where if you hit me I'll hit you back harder (or at all actually). But on the road, I don't take any ____ from anyone, period. I'm not just going to stand down to someone who's jeopardizing the pristine sheet metal of dozens of vehicles, or who's holding up hundreds from getting to where they need to be on time.

EDIT: I never said what I do/feel is logical, I guess you could call it more of a habit. And no, I do not participate in road rage, and especially not in SoCal.

[KenWittlief]

Originally Posted by sanddrag

... But on the road, I don't take any ____ from anyone, period. I'm not just going to stand down to someone who's jeopardizing the pristing sheet metal of dozens of vehicles, or who's holding up hundreds from getting to where they need to be on time.

um.... that is the definition of road rage. Instead of thinking rationally, ie "maybe this person is ill, maybe they have the cruise control on and had a heart attack 5 miles back....

maybe this guy just cut his wife and kids up into 1" cubes and has them in the trunk?....."

instead of thinking 'maybe somethings not right here' you assume the other person is an idiot, and the reason you were put on this planet is to show him that he's an idiot.

Sooner or later you will cross someones path who will turn their rage on you.

Generally speaking, if I see someone who apparently cannot drive a vehicle in a proper manner, I stay as far away from them as possible. You dont know whats going on inside that car, or that persons head!

EDIT to add: Several years ago I was driving down a side street, and a plumbers truck started backing down a driveway. I figured he would stop when he got to the bottom of the driveway. The 'collision course alert' was going off in my head, but I thought maybe he will turn into the other lane and stay out of mine

at the last second I slammed on my brakes as this idiot backed right across the street, without slowing down, and jumped the curb right in front of my car.

I leaned on the horn and opened my window to yell out a one-word-poem to enlighten him, when I realized

there was nobody in the truck. It rolled down the driveway by itself.

Like I said, you never know whats going on inside the other vehicle, who, or what you are dealing with :^)

[Kims Robot]

There is a lesson in Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends & Influence People" That says to never say something bad about someone to anyone. Now, I dont know very many people(including myself) who arent guilty of that now and again, but if you try hard to abide by that, people will know that you wont speak ill of them either, and will be more likely to trust you.

And to Sanddrag... wow... I'll be honest, Ive had thoughts of doing things like that, but never let myself do them.

Just try this one on for size... I *think* it is a story from 7 Habits of Highly Effective people... (in a paraphrased sense)

The author gets onto a subway and sits down to read his paper... two stops later a man and his two children get on. The man sits down, apparently distant, not paying any attention to his kids. The kids are jumping up and down screaming and running across the subway car. The author looks up and gives the man a short stare. He pays no attention. The kids continue screaming, one knocks the other down... the are starting to disrupt the entire car. People are starting to stare. Finally the author gets frustrated, leans over to the man and says "Sir, you really might want to learn to control your children!" The man looks up, almost unknowingly and replies "Oh, Im sorry, we are just returning from the hospital where their mother just died, and Im not exactly sure how they or I am supposed to react..."

Long story short, you cant judge or criticize a person until you really know what is going on in their life. Maybe their "stupidity" at the wheel, or even in typing, is due to something greater than you can understand...

[Koko Ed]

Originally Posted by sanddrag

I believe in my own somewhat twisted interpretation of the "Golden Rule" for driving applications. For example, if someone is going 60 in the fast lane (when there is clearly no traffic) I'll pass them and then hang in front of them at about 55 and then see how they like it and maybe tap my brakes to make the lights come on a few times (only for a few seconds though, then I proceed on my way up to around 75 or so depending on conditions). If someone is trying to switch lanes when they clearly have no reason to other than gain position, I don't let them. If someone tailgates me, I go slower. If someone tries to pass me when I'm already going plenty fast, I speed up so they can't. I believe there is no excuse for incompetence behind the wheel or stupidity on the pedals (although some of you may accuse me of that last one, though I assure you I drive with smarts) I don't play road rage games or anything like that, but I make bad drivers feel silly, and maybe one day they will realize they aren't any good at it and should ride a bike or something. My only exception to my rule is motorcycles. No matter how big of a jerk they are being on that wicked little machine, I let them go. One little mistake can take a life in the snap of the fingers on one of those darned things. If they are riding behind me and want to pass, I make extra room for them to go around.

I have very bad thoughts of most drivers until I see them execute a beautiful move (such as cleanly overtaking a slow driver), then I think of them with very high respect. If someone cuts me off or almost hits me or makes an illegal maneuver, I'll yell and scream at them the worst things you could think of. Of course my windows are up so they can't hear me. It makes me feel good though.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not the kind of person where if you hit me I'll hit you back harder (or at all actually). But on the road, I don't take any ____ from anyone, period. I'm not just going to stand down to someone who's jeopardizing the pristine sheet metal of dozens of vehicles, or who's holding up hundreds from getting to where they need to be on time.

EDIT: I never said what I do/feel is logical, I guess you could call it more of a habit. And no, I do not participate in road rage, and especially not in SoCal.

I saw a guy on the highway who got stuck behind a very slow driver. WHen he got around him pulle din from tof him and slowed to a crawl and the guy slowed down with him. They must have been going about 25 to 30 MPH. THey disappeared in my rear veiw so I don't know hwat happend to them but that is pretty dangerous stuff to pull on theopen road.

[sanddrag]

I put effort towards avoiding dangerous situations in everything I do including driving. However (on the road) if someone inconveniences me, I'll take a moment to slightly inconvenience them (and I emphasize slightly, I do not play games) The key is acting like you are one of those oblivious cell phone drivers (liek you don't know that someone is trying to switch lanes) and then they will just dismiss you. Nothing I ever do is dangerous or illegal. What I do is hard to explain and have it sound like not a bad thing. And it would almost never be appropriate in any other situation. But maybe think of it this way. If you run a red light, the cop won't say "I know your a good hearted person and it was only a mistake. You almost made it through but the light just barely beat you. No problem, go ahead on your way" they say "here's a nice couple hundred dollar ticket. That'll teach you to never do that again." See, it's kind of like that. I keep the bad drivers in line. I don't let anyone hold up traffic for a half mile, nor do I let anyone zip in and out of lanes like this is Super Mario Kart.

I am an aggressive and offensive (offensive like the opposite of defensive, not offensive like R rated) driver by instinct. But I do not peel out around every corner, mash the pedal off every light, nor tailgate every car I encounter in front of me like lots of people in those "fixed up" sport compact cars do. I'm not like that. Also, it's no miracle that in all the time I've been driving I've never been pulled over nor had an accident. It is skill, not luck. I regard myself as a very skilled driver, and I like to make others who aren't so skilled aware of the fact that they need to yield to the more skilled and smarter drivers.

Anyway, I don't encounter these situations too often where it aggrevates me enough to do something about it. Maybe only like once or twice per month. But on a daily basis I talk or yell at other drivers (but they never know it, this is important). It feels so good. Everyone should go out and yell some bad things at some drivers around you. Try it! Just make sure your windows are up and they are far enough away not to hear or see you and if they do then just start rocking out like you are singing to your favorite song. You have to realize that this tactic is to make you feel good, not make them get mad at you. They must never know that you are talking about them, this is the key. Otherwise, trouble. (I should just stop talking huh. I'm driving myself into the ground. Umm, okay, anthing posted today is not from me, someone hijacked my accound. Yeah, that's it! Yes I'm crazy)

Note: The reason I'm so pessimistic about other drivers and so optimistic about getting angry at them is that a slow driver almost cost me my beloved truck and possibly my life (and another responsible driver his car and possible his life) and a driver not paying attention did cost me my bumper and some paint and fiberglass and drivers on the cell phone have almost cost me a door and drivers zipping in and out of traffic like this is a race for a million dollars have almost cost me my beautiful chrome front bumper. I've had so many close calls due to stupidity on the part of other drivers (nearly none on my part btw) that I've formed the conclusion that in general, people can't drive.

Anyway, back to more general terms about this topic, I'll admit there are some bad things I think about some people, even if I don't really know them. Teachers are one group of people that get talked about a lot and heavily criticized. I try not to say too much, but if I don't like a teacher/professor I won't think twice about sharing my opinion with another student. But when aksed "how do you like the instructor?" I'll say "eh, I dunno" or "I've had better instructors" rather than "this guy's the worst ever" or "who hired this clown?"

Anyway, this isn't the world where everybody loves everybody anymore (only everybody love raymond. dm dm, dsshhhh) I don't think there's anything wrong thinking bad things about someone. It is an opinion that anyone is entitled to. Like after my thing on driving, a bunch of you are probably thinking (or maybe PMing each other) that "sanddrag is such a whacko and he is out of his mind. Big dummy" which is totally fine with me because for all you know I could be saying the same things about you (which I'm not, but I could be).

On the other hand though, there's lots of good things I think about people that I never say. I don't know why. I guess it's just kind of wierd to walk up to someone and go "you're the best (whatever) ever and I think you're amazing" Kinda awkward no?

[Billfred]

Originally Posted by Kims Robot

There is a lesson in Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends & Influence People" That says to never say something bad about someone to anyone. Now, I dont know very many people(including myself) who arent guilty of that now and again, but if you try hard to abide by that, people will know that you wont speak ill of them either, and will be more likely to trust you.

Agreed. Everyone says not to burn bridges, and most of us are good enough with that. But bad-mouthing folks (especially those where they don't richly deserve it) is about on par with dumping a few cans of gasoline on that bridge. Maybe even hunting down a lighter, too.

The trick I've found to work quite well is to obey a certain line from a certain Disney movie--if you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all. The folks around here that annoy me don't exist. (Which I guess means one can also heed the words of Jay-Z: "He who does not feel me is not real to me, therefore he doesn't exist.")

[tiffany34990]

i think we all can agree time to time...we have said things about people we shouldn't... though wishing ppl ill and dead..i find very wrong and shouldn't be done...

i know i personally vent and complain a lot to a degree about things. it is human nature and well sometimes it has to be done. but after I'm done i always find myself and think though how lucky i am to have this person in my life or it wasn't really that bad. we just with our stress and hormones and such just at times things annoy us more or find more hurtful at times. and well all have things that are affect us differently. some people can joke about various things but i can't.

i believe honest is one of the best policies. if someone has done something you feel is hurtful tell them. they might not even know it was hurtful to you.

and yes like everyone has said... until you walk a mile in their shoes..you just won't know what their life is about and the issues they face...
and like just looking a book cover..you don't know what it is really about unless you read it...the same thing goes with people, let them learn about you and learn from them..you never know what will happen... a new person could become your best friend or if you wanna think this way...the person you marry...

as my grandfather says... you aren't the worst. nor are you the best.. someone will always be better than you and someone will always be worse.. I've always remembered him telling me this and always will.

to go off a little:
count your stars in life, especially since we are all in a great program, FIRST, how many times have your engineers/mentors said "i wished i could have done this growing up"

[sanddrag]

Oh yes, and the "line" to draw. I would never have the nerve to go tell someone "you're ugly" or "you suck" or "you're stupid" or anything like that. I think however true it may be, it is very personal and insulting to whoever the "you" is. But when it is without them knowing and then they find out, it isn't as heartbreaking or whatever because then they will just dismiss you like "I never liked you anyway" Or at least I think some sort of trend along those lines.

Like, if I found out that my friend Joe was telling his friend Mike (fictional characters) that he thought I was strange I would probably think "eh, I don't care what Joe thinks and I never liked him anyway" and that would be the end of it. But if Joe came up to me and said "you're strange" to my face then it would probably be on my mind and I would spend the rest of my life wondering if I was strange. (I don't wonder btw, I know it for a fact. )

[sciguy125]

Originally Posted by sanddrag

But if Joe came up to me and said "you're strange" to my face then it would probably be on my mind and I would spend the rest of my life wondering if I was strange.

There's one thing that you have to keep in mind: there's always going to be someone in the world that hates you and there's always going to be someone in the world that loves you.

If I say that I'm am pro-choice, the pro-lifers will tear me apart. If I say that I am pro-life, the pro-choicers will tear me apart. If I start to quote Stargate, the fans will think more highly of me, but normal people will think I'm weird. There's nothing that you can do to please everyone. You have to figure out where you stand and hold your ground.

Now if you'll excuse me, I just finished downloading OOo 2.0 and undomesticated equines couldn't keep me from testing it out.

[RogerR]

...if someone inconveniences me, I'll take a moment to slightly inconvenience them...

i'm not sure what to think of this statement.

maybe i've been taking FIRST too seriously this whole time, but i do my best to try and apply GP to every facet of my life; not just the pits in atlanta. i personally believe that GP is the most important thing that the rest of the world can learn from FIRST.

[sanddrag]

Originally Posted by RogerR

i'm not sure what to think of this statement.

maybe i've been taking FIRST too seriously this whole time, but i do my best to try and apply GP to every facet of my life; not just the pits in atlanta. i personally believe that GP is the most important thing that the rest of the world can learn from FIRST.

Like I said before, these events don't come up very often. Actually, less and less often. I'm beginning to take it more easy on the road nowadays actually. Who knows, perhaps I'm becomming "converted" as I sit here writing this. The thing is, if I have music playing while I'm driving (not elevator music, not rap, and not country) and I can sing along then that keeps me occupied. But if the radio decides that trying to sell me new car insurance is more important than music or if the radio thinks I'd like to hear about some Taco Bell food in an airport security checkpoint then I'm forced to turn it off. And then, that's when I start focusing on every detail of other drivers' style. And if I don't like their style, uh oh. Then I just wait for them to mess up on something so I can "cite" them for it.

I did say that my reasoning was illogical. Aww heck, I'm always up for new things (not really, but it's a good line) so tomorrow I'm launching my new pilot program for driving. I haven't thought of a spiffy name for it yet, but it'll use a defensive strategy. This is all in the name of economy. See, by driving more smoothly, I can save gas and money and wear and tear on the vehicle. Yes, economy is the word. So, some of the key features of this new program. Yielding to others who want their way. More singing and less yelling. Forgiving others who are driving too slow or make a mistake. Assuming all drivers are skilled until their actions prove them otherwise, instead of assuming them unskilled until their actions confirm or disprove. Waving to drivers with all fingers instead of just one (j/k, I don't do that, lol). I am a changed driver! The Auto Club would be proud of me.

Anyway, my program has one condition. If any fellow driver puts me in serious danger or seriously threatens to damage my truck's beautiful metallic green paint, it'll be back to my old ways. So, I'll put a little faith in the drivers around me and hopefully they can prove to me that they actually are skilled at what they are doing and then we can live in harmony forever!

See it'll be like this: "do you drive a car?" If yes, then I love you. Okay, well, not like that but you get the idea. Fellow drivers instead of enemy drivers. Whada ya think?

[Cory]

Originally Posted by sanddrag

if someone inconveniences me, I'll take a moment to slightly inconvenience them (and I emphasize slightly, I do not play games)

It is skill, not luck. I regard myself as a very skilled driver, and I like to make others who aren't so skilled aware of the fact that they need to yield to the more skilled and smarter drivers.

The only thing "an eye for an eye" has ever netted is two eyeless people.

And sorry, but I think most people would define everything that you're doing to other drivers as "playing games".

Would you remind an amputee that you have both your legs?

Would you remind a mentally challenged person that you're more intelligent than them?

Because that's basically what you're doing, to a lesser extent.

I understand that there are bad drivers. Yes, they are quite annoying, but I'm perfectly content to get far enough in front, behind, or to the side of them to not be in danger if they do something moronic. If someone wants to blow past me and I'm already going 70 or so, so be it. They're the one that's going to risk the accident and speeding ticket, not me.

I'm not going to worry about any kind of retaliatory behavior just because they pissed me off. That's stupid, and unsafe.

[sanddrag]

And as you'll see by my above post, you all have changed me. Thanks guys, you're the greatest! See, I've decided that even if I only gain a 1/4 mile per gallon, I can save some big bucks in the long run by driving a little more smoothly. It's all about economy (as I leap up to a whole 16mpg ) May tomorrow be the safest (I mean, most economical ) day of driving ever! Whoo! (oh yeah, and it is raining right now and I hope it is tomorrow too. I enjoy the challenge, especially in a truck. what fun eh?)