Family Guy Phrases [Archive]

Raven_Writer

01-10-2004, 20:40

What's your favorite Family Guy phrase(s)?

One of my all time favorites (that is stuck in my head), is by Stewie:

"This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun."

Another one is:

"Oh my God! You can talk!" - Peter

Corey Balint

01-10-2004, 20:47

Peter-Hey Brian, look my alphabets have a message, It says "Oooooooooooo"
Brian-Peter, those are cheerios.

Thats gotta be the funniest one.

Tytus Gerrish

01-10-2004, 20:48

Mabye this isint a great threas seing as how many of the phrases are profain.

anyways..

Cris: you want some ice cream

Stewie: yes, but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle i find, I shal Kill you!

Pat McCarthy

01-10-2004, 20:58

My fav:
Quagmire: "OH!" and "Ohhh, right!"
and of course many from him that i can post on CD. :rolleyes:

MissInformation

01-10-2004, 21:36

I've always been partial to this one:

Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

Heidi

<========>
Jack in the Boxes are the embodiment of pure evil

Joe Matt

01-10-2004, 22:07

Stewie:"Let me put it this way, there is a picture in an attick with you on it getting prettier."

Jeff Rodriguez

01-10-2004, 22:08

Brian: You read it in a book? You sure it wasn't, nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.

Matt Attallah

01-10-2004, 22:20

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house

Mike Ciance

01-10-2004, 22:37

Peter: "A boat's a boat, but the Mystery Box could be anything! It could even be a boat!"

Stewie: "You! Get me some warm milk. You two! Fight to the death!"

Peter: "Hehe, you said 'nuclear'. It's 'nucular', the 's' is silent!"

Stewie: "Mother, you cook so slowly that you don't need an egg timer, you need an egg calendar! ...Oh yes ...I went there!"

Death: "Hi, I'm looking for Peter Griffin."
Peter: "Um... (holds out lamp) This is Peter Griffin."

Meg: "We were just holding hands!"
Grandfather: "Well it'll be hard for him to take your hand when the Lord strikes your sinful heart with leoparcy!"

Stewie: "Omnipotence - got to get me some of that."

Peter: "I'm going on a hunger strike. ... You gonna eat that stapler?"

Meg: "It's hard being a single teenage mother, especially when your baby's addicted to crack."

Alex Salomonsky

01-10-2004, 22:42

Anything by Quagmire:

Random Woman: Glenn honey, I have a question for you, what do you do for a living?
Quagmire: Hey, I have a question for you too, Why are you still here.

Quagmire: Hey, how old are you
High School girl: 16(quietly)
Quagmire 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quagmire: Tuesdays in the 80's is was always in bed by eight...................and home by eleven, ooohhhhhhh!

Quagmire: I never had a Spanish chick before, ooooooooo-llllllahhhhhhh

Mike Ciance

02-10-2004, 11:20

Quagmire: I never had a Spanish chick before, ooooooooo-llllllahhhhhhhthe funniest thing about that was he was talking to the asian reporter

Greg Needel

02-10-2004, 12:41

"is this really the blood of christ?
"yes"

"man that guy must have been wasted 24-7"

Raven_Writer

02-10-2004, 14:05

"is this really the blood of christ?
"yes"

"man that guy must have been wasted 24-7" lol.

I believe that episode was on about 2-3 days ago.

This isn't a quote per-say, but a parody. "Can't Touch Me" in the Petopia episode where he does breakdancing, and a bunch of other stuff.

Matt Leese

02-10-2004, 14:39

lol.

I believe that episode was on about 2-3 days ago.

This isn't a quote per-say, but a parody. "Can't Touch Me" in the Petopia episode where he does breakdancing, and a bunch of other stuff.
Isn't it Petoria?

"Dad, that man says I can't go to school."

"Him and what army?"

"The US Army."

"Oooh. That's a good army."

Matt

Raven_Writer

02-10-2004, 15:14

Isn't it Petoria?... Thanks for correcting me.

"Your name is now Christabell." - Chris' "manager" when Chris goes to become a big artist.

Alex Pelan

02-10-2004, 18:46

Stewie: I've got a present in my diaper and I'll give you a hint: It's not a toaster
^Not in quotes because I don't know the exact one.

My favorite Quagmire quotes come from the episode when they lose their bar in the fire, from when they go to the purple bar. If you've seen them, you know what I'm talking about, and why I can't post them here.

Raven_Writer

02-10-2004, 18:54

Stewie: I've got a present in my diaper and I'll give you a hint: It's not a toaster Stewie: "I come bearing a gift for you. I'll give you a hint...it's in my diaper, and it's not a toaster."

(( just to give the quote :) ))

Stewie: "How dare you fill my head with such lonesome(?) propaganda"

** yes, I think Stewie is one of the coolest characters on the show **

Pat McCarthy

02-10-2004, 21:17

Peter: UH OH!

Alex Salomonsky

02-10-2004, 22:26

The episode of the Drunken Clam taken over by the British has great quotes:

Peter: Wait a minute, something's different
( sees British flags and British People everywhere)
Bartender: Evening gents, how bout a nice warm lager
Randon Guy: and help yourself to a package of crisps, or a ready nice plum pudding
Peter: HOLY CRAP, It's a gay bar.

Nigel: I'm afraid I'm the bastard who bought your bar, bit of an aqward (sp)moment really.
Peter:Aqward moment, i'll give you an aqward moment, one time during sex i called Lois, Frank, your move Sherlock.

Of course the Quagmire asking if the girls have you know.

GateRunner

02-10-2004, 22:50

A good (and bad) one was, not so much one line, but the flashback to when Death was in High School, the contents of which shouldn't really be clarified here....but still funny :-p

flowerpower

02-10-2004, 22:56

Oh quagmeyer you are the hight of just too muchery- clevland

gigity gigity gigity- quagmeyer

evulish

03-10-2004, 03:02

It's a bit too late for me to remember any good Family Guy moments. I can tell you that Raven_Writer's first quote was actually from Full Metal Jacket. I love it when Stewie breaks into a song ("I'm the greatest captain of the king's navy..." or something like that) I pretty much fall asleep watching Family Guy every night. It's great. New eps next year!!

Brandon Martus

03-10-2004, 09:20

in court..

lois: "oh no."
meg: "oh no!"
brian: "oh no.."
kool-aid man: "OHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHH"

Greg Needel

03-10-2004, 10:45

in court..

lois: "oh no."
meg: "oh no!"
brian: "oh no.."
kool-aid man: "OHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHH"

Someone stole the temporary Fear the Turtle banner in front of the broken brick university entrance sign and replaced it with a homemade Kool-Aid Man. PHOTO

university of Maryland at it's finest

http://www.inform.umd.edu/News/Diamondback/archives/2003/10/24/news3.jpg

Steve Howland

03-10-2004, 11:06

Chris:But, Mom, what's Dad gonna do for a job?
Lois:Oh, it'll be okay Chris. Remember that episode of the Honeymooners where Ralph lost his job but at the end of the show didn't get it back?
Peter:Oh yeah, what was up with that? That bugged the crap outta me.
(episode ends)

Salesman: So perhaps you'd be interested in something every homeowner cannot be without - volcano insurance.
Peter: Go on
Salesman: According to my uncle, whose a real whiz with volcanoes, a volcano is coming this way
Peter: *Hmm, I too have an uncle* Come in...

The "Mintos" commercial at the beginning of Mind Over Murder...Priceless

Raven_Writer

03-10-2004, 11:15

I don't know the exact quote of it, but this one is where Peter meets Lois' dad, and he has these Spanish people with him playing cards. Peter plays also, and then he learns that wewe means yes. So, Peter gets up and says "I gotta take a wicked yes."

Mike Ciance

03-10-2004, 12:44

Joe Matt

03-10-2004, 12:45

Peter:"Hey Louis, it's the two symobols of the republican party, an elephant and a white fat man affraid of change."

Raven_Writer

03-10-2004, 15:04

wouldn't that be french people? "si" is yes in Spanish and "wewe" is yes in French Ah, yes. Thanks much for clearing that up for me.

"Oh come on. Stop your blubbering now. I barely even touched you!" - Stewie to that girl he had a crush on at day care [note: This is probably not the exact quote, but good enough for me]

Katie Reynolds

03-10-2004, 15:35

Peter: Hey, anybody got a quarter?
Bill Gates: What's a quarter?

Peter: Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.

German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian: Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian: You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland.
[throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]
Brian : ...uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.

Joe Matt

03-10-2004, 16:03

Thanks for reminding me of that episode Katie...

Peter: We're plaing texas holdem, twos are wild.
Mr. Putershmit: Which ways do the aces go.
Peter: They go both ways.
*everyone laughs*
Ted Turner: Hehehe, like a bi-sexual.
Michael Eisner: Yes Ted, that was the joke.

Greg Ross

03-10-2004, 18:25

It seems that an awfully lot of these Family Guy phrases aren't very "family friendly". :(

Alaina

04-10-2004, 23:57

Shrink talking to parents: Had Stewie ever acted this violent before?
Lois: No, this was his first act of violence.
Stewie (in the background, in a playpin): Well, technically, my first act of violence was making that time bomb and leaving it in your uterus. Happy 50th birthday, Lois!

Or that one when that criminal wants to get Chris, and Chris is at the police station pointing the guy out in a lineup, and Peter shows up in the lineup asking where Chris is.
And he shows the guy a picture of Chris and says "You know, you can keep that photo. Chris messed it up by writing his school schedule and a list of his fears on the back anyway."

Greg Perkins

05-10-2004, 08:45

(in drunken voices)
Peter: Wooow its so quiet aroound here
Brian: i know
Peter: theres nothing going on...
Brian: i...i....i know
Brian: there's nothing to...uh....uhh...oh god whats that word....DO
Peter: Brian, Your'e drunk gimme your keys *falls on the floor*

Family Guy is such an awesome show, even if it is "rough around the edges" but compare it to the majority of shows on MTV or SPIKE which all of it Sexuality, and profanity.

Im sorry but i think a few crude jokes here and there that relate to most family living would be something i would want my kids to watch rather than shows like "real world" where all they do is get hammered, and have relationships on tv and swear. please correct me if im wrong, but i dont think that Family guy is as bad compared to 90% of the television shows

Adam Y.

05-10-2004, 10:26

It seems that an awfully lot of these Family Guy phrases aren't very "family friendly".
Of course. That is why it's on cartoon network at at 11:00pm. So no one young in your family can watch it.

Greg Ross

05-10-2004, 11:04

...i dont think that Family guy is as bad compared to 90% of the television shows
That fits in pretty well with my estimation that less than 1% of what's on TV is worth watching. :(

JVN

05-10-2004, 14:25

It seems that an awfully lot of these Family Guy phrases aren't very "family friendly". :(
I agree.
I like Family Guy. I like it a lot.
It is NOT the most PC show on TV, and certainly isn't something I'd let young kids watch.

I'm a little surprised at some of the innappropriate quotes people have posted. I would have thought everyone would have a little more restraint.

Yes it's funny, NO you don't need to share it here.

John

Mini-D67

05-10-2004, 14:37

My favorite is "He's a phony! A big, fat PHONY." "You know who lives here? I BIG FAT PHONY!" :rolleyes:

Raven_Writer

05-10-2004, 16:25

I like it whenever Stewie says "Oh yea, I went there..."

Here's one that's cool though:

** At airport, I believe the episode was called "Road to Rhode Island" **
Brian: I thought I told you to watch the bags
Stewie: I was...I put them right...*looks to his teddy bear* [bear's name], I thought I told you to watch our stuff!

** I don't know the bears name **

There's one other one that I like, but I know I'd get a lot of heat for it. If you saw Sunday's episode, you'll probably get the general idea.

Joe Matt

05-10-2004, 17:24

Brian Lesser

05-10-2004, 18:25

One of my favorite quotes (that actually family oriented to an extent)...

Stewie: "Brian! Dont make me do to you what I did to John Leanon (sp?)"

**flashback to what he did**

Stewie: "John, this is Yoko. Yoko, this is John"

adc1

27-10-2006, 17:00

I love that salesman! He rocks! :D :D :D :D :D

Salesman: Oh... it's you... Erm... I'm not in right now... Please leave a message... Beeep!

Peter: Oh, God, I hate these things. Okay. Yeah, hi it's Peter Griffin, I'm here about that money incident...

Max: Peter, play with this... (Pulls out a yo-yo)

Bemis

27-10-2006, 22:24

Weeeell, about time I hit the ol' dusty trail...

tony.dalia.195

28-10-2006, 00:14

Stewie: "You! Get me some warm milk. You two! Fight to the death!"

besides FIRST, family guy is my life so im gonna correct peoples phrases, so this one is-

Stewie: "You, cut my eggs, you cut my toast, you cut my milk!!"
Butler: "But sir thats a liquid."
Stewie: "Idiot!! Freeze it then cut it!! And you two fight to the death"

-Death insues--

be prepared for more to come