Whats the best way to catch the Loch Ness Monster?
 

Many expeditions have tried to catch ol' Nessie, and all have failed. So, future engineers, if you had a reasonable budget for such an expedition, how would you go about catching Nessie, or more realistically, catching Nessie on film?

Salami on a stick. Nuff Said

Set up about 6 camaras around the lake. Have them all hooked up to monitors in a control room. Pay 2 people who have nothing better to do to watch the monitors for a couple months(2 twelve hour shifts). When one of them sees something, they press record on the recording device. Caught on tape.

Now for actually catching it, that's simple. Just drain the lake and donate the water to the Thirsty Kids Association.:D You would probably have to filter ithe water a bit first but besides that nagging little detail, the plan is flawless.

sanddrag: you read my mind.

first, i was going to say drain the lake.

then i went searching on google for loch ness monster, and one of the first links i came upon was a webcam pointed at the lake.

but what kind of salami........?

ps.

Go Hang A Salami I'm A Lasagna Hog! is a palendrome :)
/me has no life :(

That's pretty cool. I sure hope you didn't make it up yourself.

Here's another thing. Tony Romas backwords with tony still first is ynotT samoR (why not some more)

Yours is better though.

You go to Scotland, like I did last September, and you take a picture of the Loch on a cold, wet and foggy day. When you get home, you title it "Loch Ness, no monster" and show it to all your friends. They will point out a mysterious dark spot on the water that you will swear must be just a log...

Loch Ness, no monster

I've got a "ghost" from Loch Lomond too.

MissInformation

<==========>
I believe in ghosts, because I believe in memory.

This is about all I could do with photoshop. That could be just about anything in that picture

Sorry here's the pic.

Are you sure......
 

Are you sure u didnt see the Loch Ness Monster :D ;)

I didn't see it the first time but I see it now after your photoshop draw-in.

gah, clark, you beat me to the photoshopping... grrr

Yeah, I started this one before I went down to watch some Daily Show. Come back, and Clark got to photoshop first. Basically I took that one chunk and ran it through some photoshop sharpening filters so it became a bit clearer. The size on Clark's, as you can see by comparing it to my work, is obviously way out of proportion.

Re: Are you sure......
 

You know, I have some very gullible friends, they just might believe this...;)

MissInformation

<==========>
Some say I'm a visionary, others just say I'm seeing things- Anonymous (to me at least)

Bah......
 

You've exposed the truth!

The Loch Ness Monster is a fake!....lol

:D


PS. I didnt even use Photoshop, mainly because i dont have a copy of it...i used some cheap program that i mainly use for resizing pictures called "Ulead PhotoImpact 6"

Heat-seeking missile! Kill! Kill! Kill! (Hopefully no one is scuba-diving at the time :D)

The Loch Ness Monster is not fake. If you have seen The Simpsons you would know that it does exist, and he is currenty working in a Las Vegas casino. :D

Also, Dan when I saw in your AIM away message about catching the Loch Ness Monster, I never thought that you would go to this length to actually do it. :p

/me laughs

Come on...all you got to do to get the loch ness monster is to put another one in the lake and then nessie will find him and hang out with him....

You know how they catch shrimp with a huge net that they pullup from the bottom. Put a huge net in the lake, that covers the entire thing, wait a few days for the monster to chew a hole in it so it won't be pinned at the botom, then lift the net up really quickly. How do you lifta net like that really quckly you ask? With rocket ships of course. If the monster isn't there, then sweep through the lake horizontally with a big net, but that one made out of electrifyed something so when the monster touches it, it gets electricuted and gets knocked out cold so it floats to the top.

Loch Ness Webcam

This has passed away much time at work, I must say.

At any rate, cryptozoology is fun! If it were a profession I could pursue that'd get me paid, I'd be first in line!

My real interest lies in finding the Jersey Devil, honestly.

/me wonders

after we finish with the lock ness monster can we do bigfoot?

and after that i want to do ted williams' kids

Drain the lake - too complicated
Relying on forigners to watch cameras - impossible
Salami on a stick - Flawless






BTW. aibohphobia is the fear of pallendromes, and it's a pallendrome itself!

What's wrong with draining the lake and camaras? You could rent a couple front end loaders to just plow away some dirt and make a path for the water to drain out of. As for the camaras, hire Americans.

WHOO!!! I'm finally good for something!!!!! :p

Erm, not quite.

See, Loch Ness is huge , and that'd have to be one mighty long trench.

Nevermind that draining the Loch could easily kill what you're trying to find, and what good would that do? :p

What Michael said, and not only is it very large, but it's fed by the river Ness (fastest running river in Scotland, I think) so you would have to dam that up which would most likely cause flooding in Inverness, which would certainly have the townsmen kilting up to come find you and teach you a lesson for flooding their town.

Best stick with salami on a stick, but you may want to consider Haggis, after all, Nessie is Scottish.

MissInformation

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How about bagels, aren't they suppose to go good with Lochs?

I suppose that if the people of the town would be a tad bit concerned with a minute amount of flooding, we could just wait for all the water to evaporate and that won't cost anything or cause any problems. Ha!!

how long does a gajillion-billion gallons take to evaporate?

never....

Get a really big straw and a bunch of thirsty scotsmen.

That would work too however it wouldn't taste very good.

You could package it and call it lochness stew. Alot of people would buy that. And it'd aid in the draining.

I say drop a few military-strength torpedos into the loch, tracking system and all.

If you want to avoid that annoying little "what if they hit innocent women and children?" question, then set up a few sonar buoys and once you have a contact that isn't confirmed as a boat, THEN drop the torpedo and let technology do its work.

but...that would kill it!! dont' we want to catch it, not kill it? of course, we could always just drop some concussion grenades in, and that would knock it out in a jiffy :p.

hmmm, touche

lets think back to hollywood.... in The Hunt for Red October, how did they make the sub come out of the water again? I'm pretty sure that one wasn't hit with the torpedo... were they trying to dodge the torpedo? It's been waaaay too long since I last saw that movie, I need to make it a blockbuster night soon.

you have to remember though, a monster doesn't have sonar detection like a submarine...

but, you could blast ultrasonic noises into the water, thereby driving anything inside it crazy, and you'd see very quickly if there was anything in there. WHOO!! a foolproof plan :D

oh, and of course, you need the salami (i think it was?) on a stick. i mean, once nessie comes up, she'll be hungry and want to eat something :p.

[quote]Originally posted by Ian W.
oh, and of course, you need the salami (i think it was?) on a stick. i mean, once nessie comes up, she'll be hungry and want to eat something :p. /QUOTE]





Yes. It's a proven fact that all monsters ( sea, closet, underbed, bump in the night ) all enjoy a nice salami on a stick.

As the only skeptic apparently, it is my duty to inform you of some facts.

1. Almost every large lake in the world has a monster, from the Loch Ness monster to Vermont's Champ in Lake Champlain. None of these "monsters" have any had evidence proving their existence.

2. The Loch Ness Monster only gained popularity after a London surgeon, Dr. Robert Kenneth Wilson, supposedly took a picture of it in 1933. This surgeon then confessed, on his deathbed, that the picture was a hoax.

3. Most native Scottish do not believe Loch Ness has a monster residing in it.

some old lady killed champ with a shot gun. i'm dead serious about that. saw it on like, history channel or something.

There we GO!

Just get 100 boats with 20 people on it shoot machine guns into the water and see what comes up!

BTW, I thought Mr. Burns had it....

I don't know... Loch Ness is pretty deep and bullets slow down quickly in water. What about a water-based tranquilizer, do monsters sleep?

we could just create another monster. they managed to make small pox, so i'm pretty sure with enough time and effort, we could make an even bigger monster, that we could then send into the loch, which would go and hunt down the current monster. it's completely possible... :D

or, we could all get together and build a monster robot, which went in and found nessie :p.

building robots, there's something we all can do. :D

but i still like the salami on a stick. much more reliable.

I'm surprised it took almost 45 replies for someone to say that!! Way to go, Ian! :p ;)

- Katie

Bingo...thats all you have to do...If its been done in the simpsons, it can be done in real life...heck over the years Springfield has had a large mountain, turned into a coastal town, and even town around a lake... :D

"If its been done in the simpsons, it can be done in real life"



Thus, a few fireworks will do the trick.

Two words: depth charges.

Wrong two words. Try:

Fishing Rod:D

Tell her her head is delicious. While she is trying to figure out what that means, bite her in the head.


And if that doesn't work use a cat on a stick. A cat named Salami.

Get a monkey that can blow bubbles with bubble gum.
(Reference to Earthbound for the SNES, if you dont know, dont try to figure it out :) )

Well. The two reigning ideas seem to be A) Salami and B) robot. of course, robot has only two votes, but I choose it as one of the two best.

Soo. here we go. To catch the monster we build a robot monster and give it some salami on a stick to share with ole Nessie.

2 words: Giant Prehistoric Zucchini

6 words: I do not know how to count.