Away messages...
 

Whats your favorite away message?

this is my friends away message right now:
Auto response from (here screen name here): eating lunch with a girl who is proud to own a glow in the dark robot shirt...and is going home to watch robots put things in boxes this weekend!!! who is she??? i might not say because i don't want her to be harrassed :-).......it's tenley HAHAHA

Wetzel has some of the funniest away messages I have ever seen... but sadly, almost none of them are appropriate for reproduction, here.

Sometimes, I think I have some funny away messages... But, sometimes, everyone does.

"I have decided to go buy a Ford Pinto and back it into a building at full speed. I've decided to leave my "fortune" to (insert s/n here)."

One thing that always puzzles me, how do you put an away message that displays your message, plus the user's screen name who IM'd you? I was always wondering about that.

a friends away message:
"The Spoon and Fork came back and brought with them the newest of their bundles of joys, the Spork. Currently I am playing with Spork, the greatest tool invented, so im me later"

I find it funny

Then again I find Kyle funny.

Oh yes, I forgot...no more mentioning KYLE in my posts. Sorry KYLE.

Mmm..I think I need sleep.

I believe %n is name, and %t is time (as far as AIM goes).

I agree with Jim - Wetzel has some great away messages. :) So do Jim and Sean Roberts, though!

- Katie

Ok, thanks.

My away msg... ppl love it. "to bad your not my hw or i'd be doing you on my desk righ now".. i hope this is not too inappropriate..

Not quite an away message, but still amusing nonetheless:

Anyone know how sometimes there's a delay as to when you check someone's profile as to when the profile actually appears, during which time it says "Please Wait....."

Welp, for a time I put simply that as a profile, "Please Wait...."

Another time I put "Buddy info for DarkBlackFox is not avaliable"

Another time I put "AOL Member profiles are not accessible through AIM" (or whatever that error happens to be)

Lots of people IMd me asking why I switched to AOL.

Confused many a people.

Re: Away messages...
 

Starting tomorrow mine will read:

"I am in Europe. I'll be back on the 16th. :D"

I used to do this one way back before people knew how to use aim:

(in AIM formatting)

PhyrosFire: Oh man, remember how you got completely drunk last night?
%n: I'm still hungover
PhyrosFire: You got wasted! Man, I stopped counting after 10.
%n: Oh man....
PhyrosFire: Then remember how you puked all over your bed and how we had to really secretly wash it in the middle of the night?
%n: .....
PhyrosFire: And then how we went driving and you hit that hobo in the street?
%n: oh <explicative>!! THATS why the police were over here today!! Oh man, I'm so screwed....


hehe... you wouldn't believe how many people left a message saying to stop spreading dirty lies about them ;-)

mine is similar to that... it reads "if your name were homework i'd be doing you on my desk right now, actually i'd be doing you non-stop everyday... name changes take place at county court house."
how fun

Too funny guys. Oh yes, if you ever want to make people mad..use a converision as your signature. Not a small one...a BIG one. Heh. Was fun really...

By the way, has anyone noticed that aol has some of the weirdiest rules? So long as you "bleep" it out, you can't be tossed. However, mention that someone is stupid and/or insulting them can get you tossed.

I just think things are weird

Heh, getting off topic, the best voice mail message idea is to act like you are talking.

"Hey! I figured you were going to call. I am going to need to ask you to do something for me...leave a message ya dummy!" :D

Everyone in life is destined to do three things:
1. Be born
2. Do stuff
3. Die

Everyone in life is destined to do three things:
1. Be born
2. Do stuff
3. Die


***
My voicmail is thus:

Hey!....
Hello...?
Anyone there?
Oh wait! I know why I can't hear you...I'M A MACHINE!!! Leave a message. *beep*

(here)
bad

my favourite

stefi is away, reason: eating

lol!

food rox!

:D :D

One I use every now and then,

"Newton claimed that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Translation: I'm in the can!"


:D :D That one always get's a laugh! :D :D

personally i'm a fan of the following:

"don't you hate when people put up away messages that don't say where they're going or when they'll be back!?"

or for when you're going to school:

" 'I know it's childish, but then again, so is high school'
- Ferris Bueller"

I don't see very many funny away messages. One of my old ones quoted a Foster Farm's Chicken commercial...

"Candy corn?! Real corn?! That's just a technicality!!"

I personally like this one:

"Be back 20 mins after %t"

the one i use reads: I'm away from my computer right now, be back soon, unless of course i fall down and die, in that case, nice talking to you

my shower one
 

*waddles in frustration*
*waddles to bank*
*jumps into icy water with soap*
*scrubs!*

For one of My away messages I have really bad test answers that were taken off tests from around the country, they took the funniest one and put them together, then I took the ones I really liked and made my away message:

"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

I have boring away messages.. here is my list:

not here

sleep

shower

still not here

yeah.. theres this thing called sleep.. maybe you should go and investigate it :)

big research project due tomorrow: effects of sleep on student before the day a big research project is due and it aint done.

I know you're there! You're just sitting there reading my away message but you'll never IM me.. I see how it is! Im on to you now..

(actually someone admitted to that once.. lol)


Yeah.. I love away messages..

I have the most random away msgs sometimes. This weekend I went with a traffic theme. Such as

"stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop.

the life of a stop sign."

and

"go. slow down. stop. go. slow down. stop. go. slow down. stop.

the life of a traffic light"



Maybe I have too much time...

hmmm
 

some of my away messages are so temperamental....

"in pain ... happy?"

"i am chillign out right now... therefore i am cool" [this one is sad]

"check my subprofeil"[sadder]

i just liek my shower one....all that waddlign!

i love the idle messages most of all...
the kind like "Someone remind me to put up an away message when I leave, so you are not forced to sit and read this one. . ."

but on away messages, i, being a swimmer and a really big band geek (and apparently now a big robotics geek ;)), am a fan of the themed messages that no one understands.
for example:

"yay! free food! yay! cute guys!
pasta parties=one of the great things about swimming...hehe"

or

"DO IT UP, HIGHTSTOWN! yeah, again, im at a band function.

Are you ready to get down?
Yes we are.
I said, are you ready to get down?
yes we are!
I said, tilt me, tilt me, tilt me
Hightstown! Hightstown! Hightstown!"

or

"can of air....$6
2 sets of labels....$15
McDonald's for all....$28
spending countless hours in front of a working robot....priceless"

then there's the away messages that only apply to some of your friends. like this one:

"i'm at USY, yes Rachel, USY that fun place where we eat kosher chinese food and such...be back around 8:30 ish"

okay, i'm done before you get all 50 away messages that i have on my computer ;)

I used to have some great ones but now most of them are gone.

These are my favorites now:
~
"Did you get a look at her eyes? They were empty, boss. Nothing. Like, no brain or something."
~
Here's a freewrite:
~
And then the nun just leaps out of bed, right! She's like, freaking out or something. I swear, she must have some kind of psychic link or maybe an intuitive paranoia... And she yells to herself "Something is not right!" and busts down the stairs, I tell you what, I have never seen a nun run like that before.
~
^I love that one.

For Saturday morning breakfast:
~
I love a good morning conversation...thank you very much.

Yes, a cup of tea milk and two sugars?
~
And finally, the most random yet awesome of all-geometry-spawned away messages:
~
linear pears form supplementary mangoes
~

hahahahhaa

Hahaha :p

umm yeah
 

well, i can't really say most of the funny away messages on here, but i often resort to quotes that are either funny or inciteful, office space quotes work really well. i'll give you a couple of wing dingers in a minute...

1. 'My calc prof before handing back the last exam--

"Some of you disrespected trees by taking this exam"'

2. "if at first you don't succeed, lower your standards"

3. "in days of old, when knights were bold, and toilets weren't invented, you left your load upon the road, and went along contented"

4. i don't think this one's inappropriate, if anyone thinks it is, i'll edit it out later "I am not available because I am watching porn that takes up the whole screen"

5. the next person to message me while i'm away will be promptly horse whipped by a sumo wrestler with a wet noodle

6.Class is the unending cause of denial.

7.You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration

ok, i don't want to give away too many secrets, so i'll stop :-þ

here is my fav:

I am doing something that cannot be blamed for any events.
(comp crash, jailed, world war....)


or,

I am currently playing a game that takes up the entire screen

and,

what time is it now? add 10 min to that and i will be back!
(lets see if u get this)

That is the most frequent away message that I see. All of my friends that play games have that same, exact away message.

That's because it's one of the built-in ones. Along with a few others like "I'm away from my computer right now", etc.

Anyways, mine are:

"Sleep is for the weak. Apparently I'm weak."

"Chances are I'm here and just ignoring you."

" "

"LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL" (for all those Trillian users out there!)

That's strange, it's not preset for for me though. Must be because I have AOL.

Yeah...after I got rid of AOL cause I finally got a cable modem I soon figured out that it won't let you easily delete that stupid game message. I have heard there are ways to do it but I don't know how. I just learned to accept it and not use it.

I have one away message I really use.... I am off somewhere doing something. It works on all occasions no matter what it is. Not overly original but, it does its job.

This is the one i use when i dont feel like talking to annoying ppl, but am still at the comp:

i am here right now, im just trying to avoid someone, leave me a message, if i dont respond its probably you

My favorite away message is simply this..."applying for british citizenship..."

I used this away message yesterday, since every single person that was on my buddy list had an away message one:

*puts on an away message* HAH! Now I'm just like all the rest of ya!!

And another one I used while I was watching a webcast:

Don't bother me...I'm watching robots. =]

haha

"fob.. fresh on boat" hehe going back! to china!

" *tone* you have reached penguin's residence, this message will self destruct when i come back *tone*"

I love it!

I am a fan of this one..."All signs point to the nation being controlled by a secret Shadow Government of lizard-like aliens who live in the center of the Earth. They spend their days cloning Jesus and inventing new bastardizations of Fruit Roll Ups. This deviant group also rigs every election, every sporting event, and every VH-1 countdown (except the ones with William Shatner).

Here are a few of mine:

"Not here right now, can't do much about it"

"The secret to success is knowing how to hide your sources - Albert Einstein"

For all of the programmers out there:

"if robotics = 1 then sleep = 0 & caffiene = 1 else sleep = 1"

"I'm eating what "they" call "food""

-Bill B.

This is one of mine that really gets me yelled at:
Can't talk now I'm a little busy. If you really need me just wait a few if you hear me screaming it means I fell in. :eek:

hmmm
 

this is my friend away message

To begin your plan, you must first Traumatize a Pope. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by your arrival. Who is this Really Bad Guy? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a Corporate Suit?

Next, you will Desecrate United Nations. This will cause countless hordes of Mean English Teachers to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with Dear God No, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.

Finally, you will Unleash your Secret Death Ray, bringing about Horrors beyond Man's Comprehension. This will all be done from a Underground Secret Headquarters of Doom, an excellent choice if we might say. These three deeds will herald the end, and the citizens of this planet will have no choice but to elect you their new god.

"The reason that I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.:)- George Carlin"

Once a puppet, never a george foreman grill.

"I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait." <--not original, but funny.

Early last year I started using "ing" away messages like "Dinnering" or "Homeworking"... before that, I hadn't seen a single one like that on my 200 sn buddy list. Now, however, I see stuff like that all the time on my list.

Another favorite:

"Schtuff" - which is also appearing more and more often

"age"

Dinnerage
Foodage
Homeworkage
Sleepage
Cheelage (Cheel is a building on campus)

My 2 most frequent used are

"Burning things-
more or less it's probably a cd"

"piano if you're normal
cixelsyd er'uoy fi onaip"

And occationally if i feel like being really strange...

"Trying to get new hair style...
sticking finger in a light socket
brb"

those are cute matt, i've never seen them before, but i have tons. i got three from my psychology book, but i'm not gonna put them up cuz they prolly aren't appropriate. but i have a bunch that i make up or find on joke sites, such as:

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100
people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would
look something like the following:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans;
52 would be female
48 would be male;
70 would be non-white
30 would be white;
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian;
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual;
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all
6 would be from the United States;
80 would live in substandard housing;
70 would be unable to read;
50 would suffer from malnutrition;
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth;
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education;
1 would own a computer


and when i'm feeling informing or just plain annoying (which is actually very often!):

Today's useless fact - Why do the hands on wristwatches in
advertisements usually show the time as about 10:10?

This particular arrangement of the hands is used because it nicely frames the name of the watch, which is usually in the upper half of the face, because it doesn't cover any writing in the lower half of the face, and because it is pleasingly symmetrical.


basically all my messages are really long, but i also have boring ones when i just don't feel like talking:

to be totally honest with all of you... i just don't really feel like talking. i'm too lazy and band camp just ended. i got very little sleep last night, and i'm just kinda really really bored, so unless you have a really good topic to discuss (i'm open for suggestion) then i prolly won't talk to you...

I use these all the time

I'm working right now... but next time I decide to procrastinate, I'll get back to you.

I'm on the phone right now and I'm not gifted enough to talk on the phone and type at the same time so leave a message

I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for a may not return alive.

Awaymessages.com has a lot of good ones

One of my friends currently has this as his away message:

"You have just recieved the Amish computer virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, they base it on the honors system... so if you could delete all the files from your computer, I would appreciate it. Thank you for your cooperation. :)"

I love it! :D

- Katie