Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

I'll start:

Actually said:

"I couldn't grade your papers because I was off on another one of my crack smoking adventures last night" (jokingly of course, in case you didn't know)

"when you have something like this and stuff like that and you get stuff like that"

"it seems like you are tired of discussing this story, ah, let's just go home"

Accent made it sounded like:

"Electric Circus" (electric circuits)
"Wondergraph generator" (Vandergraph generator)

What funny things have your instructors said?

Just plain worrysome:

"It is only in very rare circumstances that the angles of a triangle add up to 180 degrees"

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

Professor: What happens to the capacitor at t = infinity?
Some guy: It'll be a short circuit.
Professor: Short circuit?
some other guy: It'll be an open circuit.
Professor: Open circuit?
[faint voices from around the room support either sides]
Professor: So is it open or a short?
[voices stir up again]
Professor: Oh, that's right, this is America, everyone has an opinion. He thinks it's open and he thinks it's a short. Who thinks it's half open, half short?
[a few hands go up]

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Heh I have a whole website with quotes from teachers and students:
http://gchen.netfirms.com/ssq

Some of them have lost their humor, but I'm too lazy to go delete them.

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Science teacher: "I can't hear you without my glasses." (And she's dead serious!)

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"Be careful not to damage the threads." Then whacks the flywheel with a hammer.

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In C++

"You know why they're called algorithms? Because Al Gore invented them. ... ... Sort of like he invented the internet..."

:p

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One of my mentors, a professor at Bradley, once quoted his mentor in a discussion about inductive kick and the effect of opening a generator circuit with a knife switch.
"My boy, there will be a flash of light, a puff of smoke, and you would be holding a switch handle in your hand." Translation...the effect would vaporize the switch contacts leaving you holding the insulated handle.

I have modified this to allow students to visualize the effects of high voltage on the human body to "There will be a flash of light, a puff of smoke and a hole in the air where you used to stand."

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I have a professor that always says this before exams, since the lecture I'm in had a problem with a group of students cheating earlier in the semester.

"Remember, you can look up for inspiration, down for concentration but don’t look side to side for information".

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My sociology professor is especially picky about cell phones going off in class.

So when hers went off mid-lecture, she simply commented "And after I [censored] at y'all for so long..."

Back when I was in high school, though, my physics teacher had an interesting rule set, one that I've pretty much adopted: Do not die, be respectful, be safe, follow the handbook. But before you had to spend a Monday afternoon with Mr. Smith, he would give you the finger as a warning. (His index finger.)

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Physics professor after being corrected for the umpteenth time over minor mistakes in his lecture: Listen to what I mean, not what I say

Economics professor before a test: Before I pass out the test I want everyone to get spaced out.

[The one that sent half the class to the Add/Drop line on the first day of class]: Hello, my name is Raniseh Kalamaphiquar, and this is professor Abu Rhama from Kenya. He is your english literature professor, and I am his interpreter!

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in my IB class we had a running list of stupid things our teachers have said... after 4 years of school well we reached well ya a lot... some of them you would just have to know the teacher but here are a few you can all chuckle about:

"Let’s call this example number 1, aren’t I creative!"

"I could pickle you, but I wouldn't want to preserve you."

"Hotdogs with sauerkraut and methane … the breath of nature."

"Remember the difference between silicone and Silicon, Silicone is fake $@#$@#$@#$@# and Silicon is the element."

"I was trying to improve my vocabulary last night, I was reading the dictionary… I only got to C but I don’t remember any of the words."

"If you were to be run over by an elephant moving at 1 mph, or a rabbit running at 70 mph, they would feel about the same."

"The spammers, How many do we have?" (going away to competition)

"If 20 gits equals 1 futz, and 1 herb equals 10 futz, and 1 herb equals 20 hews, how many gits are there in 5 hews?''

"You got confused with your gender half way through it"

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Just heard this one a few minutes ago..

"I chose geology 'cause they had morning classes, physics had afternoon ones. This way i could spend the afternoons portesting and other things we used to do in the 60's"

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This wasn't said but written. Our Physics teacher had just finished lecturing about the importance of being percise when writing down the directions on our lab write ups. He puts up a lab and it has the outline for the lab were going to work on. Under data he wrote "Leave room for lab." I made it to the door before he stopped me.

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That's a perfectly logical excuse for not being able to hear. In organic chem in high school we had to wear these decripit old safely goggles, that you couldn't really see through, and my teacher would always yell that they weren't forehead protectors, and he laughed hysterically when I replied one day "but I can't hear you with these things on." For you see, much of what I hear is reading lips, and I really couldn't hear him with the goggles on.

My band director in high school once imitated Darth Vader doing the striptease...close to the funniest thing I've seen in my educational career. I wish I could remember some of the other band moments...

And yesterday I overheard our rather disorganized robotics advisor that organization is for those to lazy to look for stuff.

~Allison

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Today's Quote

Latin Sub: I'd Give an Arm to be Ambidextrous

oh theres plenty more too