Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

And yet another...some kid and the teacher at the end of class

teacher: did u do your make up quiz yet
kid: u didnt give it to me

he had to finish his quiz at the end of the period lol

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

"This test is created by the state, the administration and the teachers had nothing to do with this. We really don't care about you, in fact, we hate you!"

Jokingly of course.

trying to be completely serious "Anyone standing right now is volunteering for a vacation!" (instead of saying 'detention')

asking our class for our opinion "Is George Bush a good president...?" I don't mean to offend anyone, but I got a kick out of that

my teacher was explaining his bio chemistry class in college and how hard it was "...I passed the class and I'm a teacher..."

Last year, whenever my biology teacher dropped a pen or something he'd say "stay there" and continue teaching.

I'm sure I'll have more soom

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

Recently, during a review session for calculus, my professor was talking about the format for the final exam. He said that he asked the TA's for some creative ideas in order to make the final more enjoyable, and told us that the best idea they came up with was a 'choose your own adventure' type final... "If the limit of the function does not exist, go to question 6! If not, go to question 10!" Unfortunately, he didn't go through with it. :(

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

Teacher:Who would like to see Mr. Beckett here drawn and quartered?(poiting at a student)

(Among others, Mr. Beckett raises his hand)

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

Freshman Calculus at UC Irvine circa 1977

Back then the campus was out in the sticks and most students were commuters. Dr McCarty was going over information about the final. He mentions there will be no "make up" exam.

Some wag from the back of the room asks "What if we're in an accident and bleeding to death on the freeway?"

McCarty's response "In that case for God's sake get to a doctor, some things are more important than passing my class"

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

I went to a small high school in New Mexico where my English teacher and my Spanish teacher were the same guy. He also happened to be my girlfriend's father. One day in Spanish he told us to write a one page report on some topic (in Spanish, of course). A week later I got my paper back and on top it said:
"Congratulations! You are illiterate in TWO languages!" :yikes:

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

One time my science teacher wrote something on the board and spelled it wrong. She erased it and said "I can spell..."

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

These are all from the same teacher. I'll keep his name anonymous to protect his job :D

"Show that movie? In here?! All of you would die!"

"I'll tell you what to do with that paper, BURN IT!"

"How many critics does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they'd first argue about the importance of light, then debate whether or not they're really in the dark."

"Mooooo."

"Newlon, I tried to save you."

"Newlon, tell me, what are your two life philosophies? What?! Buddhism and Stoicism?! Oh God... Good luck with that."

"Where are you now? In this class, right? Are you sure? How do you know? Are you here, or is this a dream? How could you prove to yourself, Newlon, that you're just sleeping? Kill yourself? Did you say kill yourself? Well, okay, I can understand your point about if you wake up, then you were asleep. What if you're awake? That would be an OOOPS. But have you thought of the other side of that? If you don't wake up, you were, in fact, really awake. Thus, killing yourself would be the last big OOOPS you ever make."


He's a bit crazy, we're so much alike ^^

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"Actual Tuberculious is quite and you should not try to avoid it." Confusing statement made in a heavy accent by intro to Polish culture prof.

"I'm sure I'm going to make a mistake doing this so we are just going to pretend this problem doesn't exist. But be sure to solve it on your own because I will put it on the exam." Said by calc prof when the class couldn't solve a problem. Luckily it wasn't on the exam.

"The 60s were a great time. Too bad I don't remember much of them. Or was that the 70s?" Teacher ih hs history class

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My science teacher tried to give a kid a negative 5 for a grade on his report card

when asked why by the principal he simply said
"class participation is worth 5 percent of the grade. he never came to class and the one day he came to class he lost points for acting up. So i took the 5 percent from his 0 percent and viola"

whats funny is the principal allowed him to do it

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My history teacher has one rule for his classroom: "You mess up my place, I mess up your FACE."

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Today I started my new class "Macroeconomic Principles" and the prof said some of the funniest line ever such as:

"You talking about my mother? I'll kick your ___" (You can guess what the word is)

When he talked about Canadian imports:
"When I buy a Toyota Camery... wait, that is made in Canada. So if I buy some Columbian cocaine which as far as I know is not produced locally, unless there is a subsidiary program I don't know about and if there is I want in..."

"Oh my god, there is a button on the control panel that is called 'take control'"

And lastly, the them of the lesson today was:
"The reason we all buy cocaine is that we have such a high income"

I am sorry if someone finds these not really appropriate, but I was not the one that said them.

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haha my english teacher said that today. He also made a joke once, took a while for everyone to get it though:

How do you make a hormone? You kick her in the shin!

He jokes around A LOT.

My math teacher calls homework home entertainment and her sarcasm is cranked WAAAY UP!!! I love it haha.

And today in physics someone in my class asked if two bats fly towards each other would their ultrasonic waves interfere with each other causing them to collide. The teacher answered "No, they are synthesized" That was just plain awesome but I was one of the 3 people who actually got it.

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A new teacher has put on his syllabus that after the second class our seats will become our permanent assigned seats. In a 300 seat lecture hall. :yikes:

Wetzel

Re: Funny things teachers/professors have said
 

Today for my Honors Pre-Calculus Exam our teacher had this complex system of finding your seat. Once the first few kids got it right, we joked with the 4th kid saying that you lose 10 points automatically for being in the wrong seat. Well, once we began the exam our teacher correct the seat of three kids (while sitting at his desk) and in the calmest and most meaningful voice said "That's gonna be minus 10 points" and the look on the kids faces was PRICELESS!

When we got the exam review he also said "I'm not making you do this, it's not for a grade, and you don't have to turn it in. However, the same person that made this also made your exam" Then he proceeded to pass it out and walk back to his desk.

(We have a 'sarcastic' teacher who you can never tell if he is joking)