[Madison]

Now is about as good a time as any that I can think of to answer this question. I hope that, given some of what’s happened of late, and what I’m facing in the future, this will help me to understand why I am here – and you all get to come along for the ride. Maybe, then, some more about me will become clear. Maybe, then, people will understand.

I am different. I’m not like anyone else here, or anywhere else I’ve ever been. I think, primarily, that is why people don’t understand the depth, complexity, and passion that goes into what I do here. I don’t raise Hell because I’m bored, or because I can’t stand to be wrong, or because I feel better degrading other people. I raise Hell, really, because that’s exactly why I am involved in FIRST.

Some people – here on CD, in Industry, in academia – see FIRST as just what it proclaims itself to be. They see it as an academic program designed to get students interested in science and technology by allowing them the opportunity to work on real-world scenarios with practicing professionals. I know that it’s had great success in that regard, but I feel that such a view is only scratching the surface of what FIRST is capable of. While I see here on Long Island that industry supports FIRST in their effort to keep technology-savvy employees in this area, I do not see them encouraging students to pursue innovation. In some cases, in fact, I see teams from our area, as well as across the country, that stifle the creative inspiration of students in the name of learning. They reason, perhaps correctly, that their students will learn more by watching than doing; by absorbing the intricacies of this task rather than by discovering them. They justify this by noting that FIRST asks that we ‘inspire’ students. So, again, inspiration does not need to come from participation.

Of course, like it seems with everything, I disagree with this. Thankfully, in this instance, I know that I’m not alone, and that there are many, many amazing teams, mentors, and companies that encourage the participation of their students. For people who have known me for a long time, or for those who know me well, it’s entirely obvious that I can be a control freak. I worry. A lot. I want things to be done well. So, because of that, I think I was entirely too much of a monopolist where our design was concerned. I am ashamed of that.

This season, as so much else in my life has changed, I plan to do things much differently. Part of that is out of necessity – as I’m faced with a planned cross-country move in less than two months – and I need to do all that I can to prepare my team to work as an autonomous whole. Part of it is because I’ve finally taken ownership of my life and my future, and I want to see my team do the same.

I take my role as a mentor very, very seriously. In my past, my involvement as a mentor on three different teams has been among the only things keeping me going. I am forever indebted to FIRST for giving me purpose during those darkest times. Many people may not agree with my methodology because I unabashedly speak my mind, because I challenge convention, or because I encourage disagreement. But, it is precisely because of these qualities that I am most proud. I want to teach my students how to determine gear ratios, certainly, and I want to give them every opportunity to see what amazing things have been done in the fields of science and technology. But, for me, much more importantly, I want my students to see what it means to question the world around them. I want them to seek out innovation, progress, and revolution. I want them to be exposed to as many different ideas, opinions, histories, and lifestyles as I can find. I want them to know that success comes in many different forms, under many different names.

The homogeneity that I sometimes see permeating the FIRST community is among the most disheartening things I can imagine. Agreement leads to stagnation. Stagnation leads to death. Disagreement, controversy and passion are the pulsing life blood of a growing movement. While so many people seek to quell controversy, I welcome it. I want my students here on Long Island and anyone else I can reach across the country to see it in its splendor.

I write a lot on these boards about things that aren’t related to FIRST. In fact, I enjoy the forums most for that discussion. ChiefDelphi is certainly an invaluable resource for those seeking information regarding any of the myriad problems faced by our teams, but, like FIRST, I believe it can be so much more. I put in a lot of time and effort into many of my posts, and I do my best to exhaustively research and explain my position. I should put so much effort into school, but it’s not nearly as rewarding. But, the reality is that nothing I write is meant personally, and while I often agree with what I’m writing, that’s not always the case. Instead, I present an opposing opinion. I question everything. I do it on ChiefDelphi; I do it on my team, and in my life. I do it, sometimes, until I’m paralyzed, but I’ve learned quite a lot about my family, friends, the world, and myself. Sometimes, I’m happy with what I see. Many times, I’m scared. But, in the end, it is that intensive self-examination that has allowed me to be where I am now. Without it, I can’t be certain where – or if – I’d be.

So, while it’s certainly not popular, and the prevailing attitude seems to be that I’m an arrogant, petty pain in the behind, that’s not really the case. I am doing things the best way I know how, and I’m doing it for an audience. I’m not always perfect, I’m not always right, and I’m certainly not always acting with conviction, but I must carry on. This, above all else, is what I want the students to see. I want them to see adversity. I want them to experience conflict. I want them to grow as I have – because of FIRST.

My fervor has increased noticeably in recent months. I am approaching a crossroads. I am experiencing the joy of knowing where I’m headed and the terror of, maybe, forgetting where I’ve been. I have been faced with many difficult decisions, many adverse opinions, and many, many attempts at undermining the little conviction I possess.

So, finally, since I’m probably rambling – my intention, and my real reason for being involved in FIRST, is less about building robots, traveling to Walt Disney World, or opening up career opportunities than it is about being an example. It’s about being myself, as flawed, confused, and unconventional as I may be. It’s about changing ideas, changing people, and changing the world. It’s about exposing these students to one more idea, one more challenge, and one more opportunity to question their world – to learn, to grow, to change, and to innovate.

EDIT: Thanks, Ken, for starting up the Question of the Week again. Maybe, to everyone's benefit, I can channel some of my energy into this, and while I'm long-winded, it has to be better than wrecking everything, everywhere I go. The road to Hell is paved with good intention, right?