[demosthenes2k8]

Mentor: "GUYS! I have to act responsible and tell you to knock it off. On the record, you guys need to stop."
Me: "But off the record..."
Mentor: "I find it hilarious."

Mentor: "Sometimes life takes you by surprise at three in the morning."
Me: "O...kay?"
Mentor: "And decides to throw up on the lobby carpet."
Me: "I don't like this analogy anymore."
Mentor: "Well, someone came in late last night with someone who had clearly been having a good time."
Me: "Eew."
Mentor: "Poor Matt, the first time he gets an analogy and it ends up being the actual story."

Student: "So, Matt, Dean's List Winner and good role model for all FIRST students, why are you teaching M how to count cards?"

Mentor: "Shush! Jerry's talking! That doesn't EVER happen."