[JesseK]

Here's a strategy you might not have thought about yet:

Why do you think your mechanism is stupid? You can play very effective defense by starving the opponents of balls in addition to some push/shove tactics. If the kicker can punt the ball 10-20 feet over the bump, it's perfectly fine. I would take some extra material to competition and find a team who can help fix your current mechanism. If you're a box on wheels, you'll have plenty of time to do so since your overall robot should be incredibly simple.

I agree that balancing in autonomous is a bad idea.