Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikell Taylor
People were responding to another poster telling her not to worry or go crazy thinking about this stuff. But I completely understand her and I do it too. When you're so often the only woman available as a role model, you feel a lot of pressure to make sure you're doing it "right". And to those of us who didn't necessarily have female role models doing exactly what we wanted to do, we feel it is incumbent upon us to manage to show everyone else that "it" can be done, whatever "it" is for us -- having the high-profile job, being heavily involved in some other hobby or organization, being feminine while still being a well-respected engineer, successfully managing a family, whatever. Whether or not that's sane or reasonable to feel is beside the point; the point is that many of us DO feel this pressure and it's affecting what and how we're able to contribute to these outreach efforts.
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There are a lot of complex & nuanced factors that contribute to this kind if pressure. The pressure is real, but I think it can be kept manageable if a few guiding principles are kept in mind.
1. Appearance (not just clothing, but the whole persona) matters, especially in certain jobs (e.g. PR), but every job has a range/continuum of acceptability. If we pick the most comfortable place (suitable to our talents and temperament) along that continuum, we'll reduce the stress. If there's no place on that continuum that's suitable, perhaps we're in the wrong job or volunteer position (one reason I've never aspired to become a politician).
2. Appearance matters some, but it's not everything (how often we say this, but do we really believe it?). When I was in academic research, I tended to dress Bohemian, as I was surrounded by research profs and grad students who were similarly wardrobe-challenged. A medical school intern at the lab had teased me on my worn and torn garb, but it must not have mattered much because he later 1) spoke favorably of my technical skills to someone else, and 2) asked me out :-)
3. No matter what we do or say, we will please some people and disappoint others. Rather than carrying the weight of that disappointment, if we chalk it up to a normal part of being human, we'll sleep better. Strategically prioritizing and choosing who to cater to/disappoint also helps. For example, as a jr. college instructor, I have students who like to chit-chat and text, and others who like a quiet learning environment. I can't satisfy both of those groups at once, so I have chosen to have a no talking/no electronic device policy that I enforce. It means that I have enemies, but also some extremely loyal students who appreciate the more professional climate. (My attire these days is also more "school-marm" than Bohemian, to bolster my credibility/authority.)
4. We tend to be our own worst critics. Really.
The most inspiring role models are those who do something well and love what they do. While every job (paid or unpaid) will have frustrations, if there's no joy at all, perhaps it's time to pull back and/or re-evaluate. Yesterday, a friend expressed that after 10 years of a high-prestige job that she initially enjoyed, the only part she now likes is the paycheck. Thankfully, she's taking steps to move to something that has already "grabbed her heart," and her ability to be a positive influence will be enhanced by that passion. Burn-out doesn't help us or others, so it's good to find levels that are sustainable, even if it means sometimes saying "no" to an opportunity to present or mentor.
After 30+ years in STEM, I'm still lovin' it. The joy of creating/discovering something cool has evolved into different forms over the years, but it's still there, and no opinion of others can take away that joy. I'd like to think that there's some appeal in that for other women who might follow in my wake.