[George A.]

Here's a few jokes I heard from a friend:

There is this bar on top of a huge skyscraper, and two guys are sitting at it getting wasted. On guy grabs a bottle and reads the bottle, it reads "Magical Beer: Recieve the Power to fly!" The guy shakes his head in disgust and takes a swig. All of a sudden he starts to rise off of the bar stool. The guy next to him stares in disbelief. He stands and exclaims "I want to fly!" The guy in the air says "Here take a drink of this and jump out the window." The guy takes a swig, leaps out of the window and falls to his doom. The guy settles back down onto his stool and the bartender exclaims "Jeez Superman you can be a real jerk when your drunk."

HERE'S ANOTHER JOKE I HEARD THAT TURNED INTO MY MOTTO:
I'm so ugly they wanted to make me the poster boy for birth control!!!

FINALLY HERE'S A JOKE THAT I SAW ONLINE, ALTHOUGH IT IS RATHER OUT THERE.

A mathamatician who is 65 decides that his wife can no longer satisfy him so he decides to have an affair with his 18 year old office assistant. Later that night he goes to the local Hilton and on the way he leaves a message at home for his wife. "Dearest wife. You are 65 years of age and I find that you can no longer satisfy my needs. I am at the Hilton with my 18 year old office assistant. Please understand my actions.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter from his wife waiting for him at the front desk it read "Dear husband, as you know you are also 65 years of age and I must admit that I have been unsatisfied for quite some time. By time you read this I will be at the Mariott with our 18 year old pool boy. And being the matimatician that you are you can realize that 18 goes into 65 more time then 65 into 18. Please don't wait up."