According to the manual (the sections in question)
Quote:
T7 A Team may not encourage an ALLIANCE, of which it is not a member, to play beneath its ability.
NOTE: This rule is not intended to prevent an ALLIANCE from planning and/or executing its own
strategy in a specific MATCH in which all the ALLIANCE members are participants.
Violation: Behavior will be discussed with Team or individual. Violations of this rule are likely to
escalate rapidly to YELLOW or RED CARDS, and may lead to dismissal from the event (i.e. the
threshold for egregious or repeated violations is relatively low.)
Example #1: A MATCH is being played by Teams A, B, and C, in which
Team C is encouraged by Team D to not SCALE or CHALLENGE the
TOWER resulting in Teams A, B, and C not earning a Ranking Point for
that achievement. Team D’s motivation for this behavior is to prevent
Team A from rising in the Tournament rankings and negatively affecting
Team D’s ranking.
Example #2: A MATCH is being played by Teams A, B, and C, in
which Team A is assigned to participate as a SURROGATE. Team D
encourages Team A to not participate in the MATCH so that Team D
gains ranking position over Teams B and C.
FIRST considers the action of a Team influencing another Team to
throw a MATCH, to deliberately miss Ranking Points, etc. incompatible
with FIRST values and not a strategy any team should employ.
T8 A Team, as the result of encouragement by a Team not on their ALLIANCE, may not play
beneath its ability. NOTE: This rule is not intended to prevent an ALLIANCE from planning and/
or executing its own strategy in a specific MATCH in which all the ALLIANCE members are
participants..
Violation: Behavior will be discussed with Team or individual and may include dismissal from the
event. If egregious or repeated, YELLOW or RED CARD.
Example #1: A MATCH is being played by Teams A, B, and C. Team D
requests Team C to not SCALE or CHALLENGE the TOWER resulting
in Teams A, B, and C not earning a Ranking Point for that achievement.
Team C accepts this request from Team D. Team D’s motivation for this
behavior is to prevent Team A from rising in the Tournament rankings
negatively affecting Team D’s ranking.
Example #2: A MATCH is being played by Teams A, B, and C, in which
Team A is assigned to participate as a SURROGATE. Team A accepts
Team D’s request to not participate in the MATCH so that Team D
gains ranking position over Teams B and C.
FIRST considers the action of a Team influencing another Team to
throw a MATCH, to deliberately miss Ranking Points, etc. incompatible
with FIRST values and not a strategy any team should employ.
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What I read from that is just encouraging teams to NOT do something. if you are asking for their help in picking the elements and not telling them to not scale the tower or not to cross your outer works and damage defenses, you should be fine. These rules are in place to prevent larger or more experienced teams from shoving other teams down and making them feel like thats what they need to do in order to stay on the other teams "good side"
The rules dont say anything about making the game more enjoyable to participate in for the other alliance, if you are expecting to be able to make up the points from them also doing the same strategy then you might need to consider them not participating in the defense agreement.