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Originally Posted by Sperkowsky
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That is my true opinion, given that your recommendations can potentially have an effect on the way young men or women report uncomfortable behavior to their authority figures ("this is life", "this is natural"), regardless of whether or not it turns out to be harmless. I'd rather be dragged aside by students 1000 times than have one student feel uncomfortable at an event. I doubt any mentor would feel otherwise,
Mass generalizations rarely capture the full story. Different people from different backgrounds with different characteristics will react to situations very... differently. For instance, I had a situation much like OP, with a student who had some special requirements that came into play. As a mentor I decided to handle the situation a little more gently based on that person's mental illness. "This is life" and "this is normal" is tough. What is normal and who defines it?,
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I watched one of my (female) students get sufficiently creeped out by a (male) student's behavior towards her that she was physically hiding from him at the competition." is a sufficiently bad example for me.
I am sincerely very glad that your friend had a good experience. Those happen more often than not, though not all experiences are good (again, see above). Many of the bad examples do not need to be shared on a public forum,
By stating "Lets keep in mind that this is natural", "this is life", etc. I strongly disagree. Hiding from someone who is creeping you out is never OK.
A lot of women have strong feelings based on the experiences they've had. Being told "this is life" would not have made it easier if it were me in the OP's situation - in fact, it would have made me feel more isolated for feeling creeped out, when others were telling me "don't be creeped out" when I clearly was. The best option is always to approach a mentor about behavior that makes you uncomfortable,
even if it turns out to be misguided flirting. I urge your friend to speak up about her good experience, and if you have not had your own experiences - listen. I did not assume you or the other poster had ill intent by posting, but it doesn't make your messages any less potentially harmful if it discourages students from reporting behavior that makes them feel uncomfortable. I would urge you to send me a message privately if you'd like to have further discourse. I didn't post to argue with you but please realize the potential consequence of your words and how it might affect a young person who encounters this situation. I posted because hopefully someone reads that message that really needs it. That person might not be you.
I agree that growing up is hard - I did it once and it sucked.
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Originally Posted by JBotAlan
I don't mean to make a statement of fact about either gender and I am genuinely sorry if my remarks came across to the contrary.
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I don't think so. Look, this is a tough topic with lots of strong feelings. Unless we're talking about it, we're not doing much to find the root cause and potential solutions. I commend you for talking about this, but there's no forum post answer. It's not easy. The uncomfortable factor happens to both males and females, I have dealt with both as recently as this year. Sometimes kids just need someone to talk with when a situation makes them uncomfortable. Approaching this in a very adult way - "here is the plan if you feel uncomfortable at any time, and here are 2-3 mentors that you can approach to discuss if needed, judgement free" - will help the students to handle this in an adult way, too.