Preface: my problems here are not in reference to my team
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Originally Posted by jweston
A girl who finds herself facing a guy's advances that she does not actively welcome (i.e. she's either neutral or does not want them) has two choices: she can either endure, perhaps with greatest levels of socially acceptable discouragement and hope he goes away; or she can tell the guy to back off and risk being labeled as someone who can't take a compliment or is anti-social or stuck up. Not just by the guy, but by her community. Whether or not you believe that fear is reasonable, it's very real to many, many girls. Sadly, I have seen too often communities come down on a girl because she "could have been a little nicer about it."
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^Trimmed for length
I have personally been on the wrong end of this. Though it is not exclusive to the FIRST community, it does definitely exist. I have a couple examples of people either hovering around creepily for extended periods of time, and of people blatantly touching me without my consent. One standout:Last year during eliminations at Worlds, I had an alliance partner who decided it was a fantastic idea to walk up behind me and run their hands down both of my shoulders. Though I very quickly disabused them of this notion, this left me feel a little unsettled, especially in such a high-stress environment. All I basically did was turn around, glare, and tell them not to touch me, and they quickly backed off. When I finally got around to telling this to my mom several months later, in the context of being worried about going into engineering due to gender issues, the first reaction was to say that I could have been perceived as a "psychotic *****", and to give me a lecture on how to be gentler in redresses if I wanted to really make a change in the community. This sort of reaction is a problem, and definitely gave me pause as I was working through applying to school for engineering.
In regards to the comments about the problem being awkward and well-meaning youth, I am a fan of the quote: "Your right to swing your arms ends at my right not to be punched in the nose". Rewritten for this case:
"Your right to be an awkward human seeking affection ends at my right to have my personal boundaries and space respected". People have the right to set their own boundaries, and expect people to respect at least the standard socially agreed upon ones. There is no need for me to respect the preference of the person crossing my boundary, no more than there is for me to respect the desire of someone to punch me. Appropriate actions may vary.
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Originally Posted by Sperkowsky
Lets keep in mind that this is natural.
There are quite a few socially awkward male and females in robotics so these situations can get worse. And, the lack of females with the interest can extenuate the situation but regardless this is life.
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The person being encroached upon has the final say as to whether or not their boundaries have been crossed. To be devils advocate: If I feel that the level of harassment/ boundary issues is higher in engineering than my general life (which it most definitely is), and those in the field insist that this is natural, and just part of life in engineering, why on earth would I be willing to put in the effort to be rewarded with a hazardous and emotionally draining environment? It takes a very high level of interest to be willing to deal with that on a regular basis. Have you ever had to consider that by working in a STEM field, you will statistically be more likely to be harassed and discriminated against? Because that in itself is a significant deterrent, without the issue being brushed aside. There are reasons why girls tend to show less interest.
I agree that there is no inherent harm in flirting where boundaries are respected. I do have a problem with a blanket statement of "this is life" and "this is natural "in a thread where the topic of discussion trends towards harassment and how to deal with it to make for a more welcoming environment. Even if you intended to refer to indubitably clean mutual flirting, the context and phrasing made it sound much worse. Ditto for indirectly attributing these problems on girls lack of interest in the field. Neither make for a more welcoming environment.
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Originally Posted by Munchskull
The intend message being that it is OK (and even encouraged) that male and female students intreact, it is up to both parties to recognize boundaries of the other party. And if either party is uncomfortable they should by all means speak up and if necessary get a mentor.
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As a (female) friend of Munchskull's, I can say that he tends to be pretty good about this, from what I have seen. He always gestures and makes sure he gets a positive response before getting into peoples space. I also see no problem with this, as long as everyone is happy with it. I am a big fan of hugs, as long as I get a say in whether or not I am getting them. As soon as someone isn't ok it is time to just back off.
As to how to teach this, I am not certain. Prevention wise, I would say the key points need to be teaching students appropriate boundaries. Defensive wise, I agree strongly with MysterE's advice. Stress the concept that people have the right to feel safe in this environment, whether that be themselves or others.