[MariOlsen]

Originally Posted by JBotAlan

People of ChiefDelphi,

On one of the teams I have mentored, I watched one of my (female) students get sufficiently creeped out by a (male) student's behavior towards her that she was physically hiding from him at the competition.

I've seen similar behavior at the college level with a handful of close friends.

This is definitely a loaded topic which is made even tougher because people have different levels of tolerance for possibly creepy behavior.

To start, I think everyone agrees that the vast majority of people in FIRST and STEM in general are kind, mature individuals who know how to behave responsibly and can read social cues. Unfortunately, it's the negative cases that stick out and can be off-putting.

As a woman at a technical school, I've not experienced direct harassment. Only one of my male classmates has ever treated me condescendingly, and it's possible that it wasn't because of my gender. However, a group of friends and I have been seriously creeped out by one of the men living in our dorm. It was difficult to come up with why exactly he was so much creepier than our friends and explain why we were more comfortable sitting next to and physically interacting with the other guys but not him, but luckily we were able to have someone talk to him on our behalf. It hasn't stopped entirely, but having explicit permission to call him out and explain to him that he's making us uncomfortable not only makes us more comfortable but will hopefully help him in the future. It would be great if this permission could be granted explicitly through teams, FIRST, and other STEM organizations, because in my experience, even the most outspoken of us are hesitant to be openly "confrontational".

On the other hand, I have been told by friends that guys were acting creepily towards me even though I just interpreted it as social awkwardness (even though I was seriously avoiding some of them; major red flag). I was convinced that most of them would be mortified if someone told them they were being creepy or assumed they were romantically interested in me, but I've been wrong at least once and was called an ice queen for refusing to go to a dance with him.

Teenagers are mean, and I think it's important to emphasize that just because a girl is kind to you does not necessarily mean she'll want to be your date, and no girl should ever feel obligated to be someone's pity date. Communication really helps: once it was made clear that I was not interested, 4 years of awkwardness practically disappeared. He joined the team and we worked well together. However, I feel like it may be even more awkward to presume a romantic interest if none exists.

Originally Posted by Cothron Theiss

Do you allow dating and relationships between team members?

My team had a relationship, but they were on different subteams so it mainly worked out. Our mentors just had them sit near the front during the ride to St. Louis and there may have been some hand-holding/arms around each other during matches but that was it. I dated someone on another team; we avoided talking about private team business but since his team was mentoring mine we were a convenient communication link. I think the most disruptive we got was when our teams were sitting a row apart watching Einstein and we texted about the matches rather than directly talking because we were sitting with our teams. A couple of his mentors came up and asked "Why don't you two just sit together already?" and moved so that we could sit in between the teams. As long as people are mature, don't let it interfere with the team, and avoid PDA, there shouldn't be a problem.

Originally Posted by Munchskull

However when it comes to female friends I am not as quick to give them a hug. I (as a male student) work to be aware of how my actions are perceived by my friend so that an awkward/uncomfortable situation is not created. Is easy to forget that a simple platonic gesture can be miss read when intended for the opposite gender*. It is not to say that I will not give my female friends hug, I just err on the side of caution and make sure that it is a mutual thing.

Originally Posted by AmiableVariable

As a (female) friend of Munchskull's, I can say that he tends to be pretty good about this, from what I have seen. He always gestures and makes sure he gets a positive response before getting into peoples space. I also see no problem with this, as long as everyone is happy with it. I am a big fan of hugs, as long as I get a say in whether or not I am getting them. As soon as someone isn't ok it is time to just back off.

All of the guys on my team have become some of my best friends, so I feel perfectly comfortable hugging most of them. There are some that I simply don't know well enough to hug and others that I always ask before hugging, and I know which ones I can give running hugs to after particularly great matches. It may be easier initiating a hug as a female, but I feel like standing with arms outstretched and waiting for them to hug you is pretty safe and that it's fairly obvious when hugs are consensual or not. At first, I was always the one initiating hugs, but I really enjoy the fact that some of them feel comfortable hugging me too.

What about mentors hugging students (or students hugging mentors)? I feel like most people would say that mentors ought not to initiate a hug, but what about accepting one? I hug as a form of greeting if I feel comfortable with someone, but some of my mentors refused to let me hug them until I graduated. I understand that hugs may be misinterpreted and thus are probably best avoided, but it still makes me a bit sad.