Quote:
Originally Posted by Monochron
It sounds like you are dealing with people who are good at steam rolling a discussion. Remember that you are the one in charge of, and responsible for, the team and tell that parent what you have decided. Something along the lines of "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead". Be open to discussion, but after the discussion has run its course, make a decision and move on. Being quietly firm can be very powerful.
Written policies are only going to go so far. Its good to have them, but if an argument does break out, directing them to article X section Y of a handbook isn't going to get anything done. Frankly our written policies don't say anything about who makes engineering or business decisions, but as mentors we have the authority to make sure it is done in a way that the team approves of. And to do that, we sometimes have to use the firm but quiet method.
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Agreed, but I think there's a way to structure your team and policies so you can refer back to them and use that as your "quietly firm" way of ending a discussion. If your team policy makes it clear, say, that robot decisions are made by the design team, or that all major decisions go to a team vote, then make it clear that neither you, nor I, can just make something happen because we want it to.
In other words if we say "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do
this instead", the unspoken part is "...because I said so". Which, in the heat of the moment, is a battle of wills that only gets people angry.
I would say instead, something like "I appreciate what you suggested, but the students decided to do
this, and they've been working hard at it since January, so we're going to respect it." Or "I appreciate it, but there's a process we need to follow and it would be unfair to the students if we went around that." Don't make it about
your will versus
theirs, make them see that it's what's best for the team.
The other side of it is to give them a chance later to say their piece. Maybe they truly feel the team would do better by doing X instead of Y. Give them a chance to say so, perhaps in a retrospective. Maybe they're right! Maybe you can include their input earlier in the process next season.