[Greg Hainsworth]

Anon,
I found your post distressing on many levels – as a mentor, and a male engineer, as a business professional.

I wish there was easy advice on a path forward for you to continue with your team. I regret to tell you but the business world can be just as cruel and unforgiving and you have just been handed a very hard lesson at a very early stage in your career. I hope my suggestions here may help.

1. Break out of the gender box. This is not a male female competition. If your mentor is putting you into a ‘female’ box, don’t take the bait. You need to find people from the team, male and female, who witnessed firsthand what happened this season and bring them up to speed on your perspective. People you trust. Try to reconnect with your friends on the team.

2. Find neutral ground – you need to discuss this with the team leadership. It may be unpleasant but it is a conversation that needs to be had. Ask for a meeting specifically to discuss your situation away from the building and build space, where neither side has any advantage. I can’t believe the team only has one mentor but if so, bring in another adult who is neutral – a favorite teacher, a guidance counselor, etc. Meet in a public library or some other public place where people are not inclined to raise their voice but not so noisy that you can't have a conversation.

3. Prepare your thoughts and try to take the emotions out of the equation. I know this is difficult. Keep to the facts – work load, lack of resources (can’t produce a chairman’s award by yourself), lack of support (again, can’t produce chairman’s award by yourself), where your strengths and weaknesses are, etc. I feel that you have a preferred role on the team where you excelled and emphasize your successes in that role where you contributed more. And try to leave the gender out if possible. Write out the bullets and bring this to the discussion. Try not to write out a stream of thought or you'll just end up reading it off the page.

4. Have a list of things you would want to see change with the team – it sounds like the issue may be bigger than just you. This may also keep the conversation away from just the two of you put the focus on the success of the team. Two things that struck me right off the bat is that he needs to be more approachable and respect is a two way street. Have some ideas about how to accomplish this without coming off as a personal attack on him.

Mentoring a team is not easy. Remember that we are human too and we have our faults. Personally, I forget that my members are high school students and I set high expectations of them without realizing that they don’t have the tools, resources, or support to accomplish the tasks the team needs done. I get frustrated when deadlines missed, work isn’t completed, or quality is lacking – but that never excuses being abusive, offensive, and disrepectful. If it doesn’t fly in the office, it doesn’t fly in FRC.

Please don’t cut and run from the team. I hope that you can at least attempt to work through this problem. If you do, you will be 10 years ahead of all your classmates. I know professionals that can’t do this. Talk it out and give it a chance to change. If nothing comes out of it, hold your head high, shake his hand, and know that you gave it a second chance.

PS – I admire your recognition that working on outreach even though it isn’t your first passion after working on manufacturing would give you a broader set of skills and make you more valuable. Most members only want to work on their passions and really don’t think about broadening their own skills. Professionals who do this tend to get pigeon holed in their careers.

Best of luck to you in FRC and beyond. Peace.