[Madison]

I fear a lot. Probably, I fear more than any healthy person should, but I've always been very pensive and reserved and cautious about the things I say, the steps I take, and the risks they involve. I've never felt that there's nothing to lose, but that everything is at risk at every moment. It makes me slow to make decisions, certainly, and maybe a bit egocentric.

Above all else, though, I fear that I'm going to fail the few people that might consider me a role model. I do everything with the truest intent, but sometimes, I falter, and my biggest fear has always been that in those times that I mess up, the people that I draw my strength from will lose their faith in me and my life and that they'll leave me.

That's probably a bit self-serving and selfish, I'd imagine. I guess that stems from another paralyzing fear -- dying.

Everything I've done has always been with the hope of being honest and true. I've always concentrated so much on trying to keep other people happy that it's nearly consumed me.

Someone once told me, to paraphrase slightly, "if they see what you're doing, they might think it's okay." While the circumstances of that exchange were far from pleasant, and certainly not applicable to the subject that was at hand, the words aren't without merit.

So, I guess, my biggest fear is just doing something that's "not okay" that might lead another person to make a bad decision.