How to write a paper in university (or in HS):
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lit place in front of your computer
2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!)
3. Check your email
4. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it
5. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate
6. Check your email
7. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to the caf and grab a hot chocolate…just to get settled down and ready to work
8. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place
9. If your room is not clean, take out the garbage and vacuum first
10. Read over the assignment again to make certain you understand it
11. Check your email
12. You know, you have not written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You had better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate
13. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror
14. Grab some MP3’s off Kazaa
15. Check your email
ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!
16. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future (i.e. summer plans)
17. Check your email
18. Listen to your new MP3’s and download some more
19. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she has started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, the college, the world at large
20. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You have probably run out
21. While you got the gum, you may as well buy a magazine and read it
22. Check your email
23. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you are not missing something truly worthwhile on TV
24. Play some solitaire
25. Check out
www.chiefdelphi.com
26. Wash your hands
27. Call up a friend to see how much they have done…probably has not started either
28. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is
29. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future
30. Check to see if
www.chiefdelphi.com has been updated yet
31. Check your email and listen to your new MP3’s
32. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule
33. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it
34. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise
35. Lie face down on the floor and moan
36. Punch the wall and break something
37. Check your email
38. Mumble obscenities
39. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished
40. Complain to everyone that you did not get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper
41. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.