[Amber H.]

Okay everybody, first off, big hugs all around.
This is typical of situations some of the younger students here at the college come to me about. Even at my age I get sucked into a few.

A. This is really hard and I know you are suffering, but the best thing I’ve found is to start to get to know other people around you better so that you have someone to hang out with and a friendship support system while you’re waiting for your friend to realize what’s going on and how much she’s hurt you. Expanding your circle of friends to include others will lead you to opportunities and wonderful experiences that you never imagined. It will also give you more opportunities to do things for, and help others, which is really strong medicine for when you feel like used hay. Believe me it helps. It will give you strength and emotional resources to move on if the situation becomes irreparable.


B. If this guy is really that controlling, then maybe you should keep an eye (albeit a distant one) on your friend so that you will be better able to help her if she later wakes up and needs your help, and understanding. Don’t just look for bruises on the outside. Keep track of unhealthy behavioral changes such as pulling away from ALL friends and family, dropping grades, lack of interest in things that used to mean a great deal to her, and lack of sleep etc. Not all abuse is physical.

C. Yes there are many men who very easily fall into the category of “pig”. When we’re suffering because of one of these, we see them all as such. Just remember that there are many more who don’t meet the criteria of the swill club, such as most of the guys here on CD and the young men I’ve had the opportunity to live and work with here on campus. Heck, just go volunteer at a FIRST event. That will change your mind in a hurry. Those guys were awesome!

Hugs to everybody!