Quote:
|
Originally Posted by RyanMcE
Here is a private message somebody left me while reducing my reputation from -74 to -80: "It's really not appropriate to post private comments that people leave you."
I would disagree. When you choose to influence my reputation, which must I remind you is seen by everyone on the board, I think the people that see that reputation should have a right to know why I have it. If you don't like that, then don't leave a comment when you degrade my reputation. I'll probally still post your name, since that really seems to get you people who care about reputation going hot and thats kind of funny, but the point is, this is not some sort of secret election, its my reputation, and when it goes down I think people deserve to know why.
What do you think?
|
This is one of those wonderful "everybody is wrong" types of situations.
In my spare time I like to climb mountains. Many years ago, someone asked me the question originally asked of Sir Edmund Hillary: "why do you climb?" (to which Hillary provided the famously simple response "because it is there"). My answer was more pointed - "if you have to ask the question, you could never understand the answer." This was not an insult toward the person asking the question, but a simple statement about something that was intuitively obvious to those that could understand the ephemeral joy of climbing, and forever opaque to those that could not. You either get it or you don't.
If you have to ask why making a public posting of an obviously private message is inappropriate, then I am not sure that you would ever be able to appreciate any answer that was provided. Respecting the sanctity of a private communication - even when the originator may be insulting or showing disrespect - takes restraint and integrity on the part of the recipient. You can either behave maturely and respond privately (or not at all – which is sometimes the best answer), or you can behave as if you are telling everyone "if I think you are mean to me I am going to tattle on you to all the other kids and I am going to make you look like a big poo-poo head." You either see the difference, or you don't.
But what about those writing PMs? At an early age, I learned an important lesson from my grandmother. I had written a note to a friend in school, and it was intercepted by the teacher and read aloud to the whole class. It involved something terribly personal to a 7-year-old like "spinach makes me puke" or something similar, and I was very embarrassed. Afterwards my grandmother sat me down and gave me one of those simple rules for life that stay with you forever: "never, ever write down anything that you would not be willing to have published on the front page of the newspaper."
Once something is written, the author rarely has complete control over the distribution of that material. Particularly important in this environment is the understanding that there are absolutely no guarantees of privacy involving IM, PM or e-mail exchanges. When I use the e-mail system of my employer, or my ISP, or a public source, they all have written policies that include the statement "users should have no expectation of privacy." Any public-access forum will have the same restrictions and limitations. When originating a message, you should always assume that there is a chance that it will become public. Write it accordingly.
This does not mean that you should shy away from giving harsh messages when they are deserved. But it does imply that you should choose your words and phrasing carefully, so that your message and intent are as clear as possible. If it does get released, then at least you are prepared to stand behind your message and not be embarrassed. This is NOT to say that you should EXPECT the recipient to betray a confidence and publish every message you write. But if they do, your prose should always be written such that your character is never in question (although that may not be true for the person that released the message).
-dave