[Jack Jones]

1) What do you like about him?

I think he can spell Massachusetts. I hope he stays there.
He’s one of the most successful gigolos in America.

2) What don't you like about him?

He spent four months in Nam and 18 years in the Senate, but didn’t “report for duty” until last month, when he flaunted the former and ran away from the later.
He trotted out his “band of brothers”, each of whom must have forgotten that he spit upon them all in ’71 before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.
He voted for the war, and against body armor. Yada Yada…
In short, he’s a phony – with a capital PH.

3) What could he do to improve your opinion of him?

Enter into private practice with Al Gore. Together they could patch the ozone hole, assuming they can stop the reversal of the earth’s magnetic field.

4) What do you think of his ability as a public speaker?

He does his best to sound presidential. I bet he practiced it way back in Nam. Maybe he has some footage.

5) Do you agree with all, most, some, or none of his positions on key issues (i.e. the war in iraq, economics, etc)?

What positions? All I hear are empty promises – 10 million jobs – French kisses.

6) Any other comments

Who would Osama vote for?