[Cory]

First of all what's the prompt?

Second, it would be good if you spent another sentence or two explaining what FIRST is, cuz you really didnt do it justice. If length is an issue there's plenty of unneccessary words you can cut out.

The whole way your essay is written (to me) emphasizes the fact that you won silver more than anything else. I'm not sure if that's what you're trying to convey, but I'm pretty sure it isn't.

Cory