[Travis Hoffman]

*****Exposition*****

Bitten on a cow-tipping field trip by a territorially-displaced radioactive ground sloth roaming the pastures of Kokomo, Indiana, mild-mannered dork D.J. Fluck was suddenly transformed into the Amazing(?) Slothman! From that day on, D.J. swore to secretly use his slothly powers to (very slowly) protect truth, justice, and the American way while thwarting the plans of evildoers everywhere!

*****Caption*****

Insanely jealous of his cousin Peter Parker's amazing Wall-Crawling super powers and desperately seeking attention, D.J. foolishly forgets to put on his Slothman suit before demonstrating his powers of Totally-Uncoordinated Floor-Crawling and Super Slow Sloth Speed to the crowd in Houston. Needless to say, they weren't impressed.

****************

Don't expect a Slothman movie or comic book any time in this millenium. However, D.J. did inspire one extremely bored spectator to write the Slothman theme song. Here's the first verse...

Slo-oth-man, Slo-oth-man
Does whatever a slo-oth can
Crawls real slow, on the floor
Trips on bars, he's such a bore
Who cares? Here comes the Slo-oth-man