The rules already do ask that you delete your post if the item is gone.
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Once your trade is complete, we ask that you delete your posting, so that the content stays fresh.
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As far as communication, how long did you give each person. Did you try any communication methods besides PM. Depending on how much time the person spends on chiefdelphi (or whether their popup blocker is blocking the PM notification) they may not see that they have a PM for quite some time. E-mail might be better. Also, if you look in the person's profile, they will often have a AIM or MSN or other service screename.
Also, remember that CD-Swap is not Ebay, the person isn't under any obligation to sell/trade with you. It's more like your local newspaper's classified ads.