[Kevin Sevcik]

As the self-appointed representative of the Archimedes division, I would like to begin the negotiations for the unconditional surrender of the three other divisions. All negotiations will be held in a Cone of Silence to be provided by Team 71. Our terms:
1. Teams will begin immediate disarmament of their robots. All arms on robots shall be dismantled not more than 2 days after the signing of the treaty. Only defensive puck-bots will be allowed.
2. Real men DO wear pink. As such, it will be mandatory for all male roboteers to wear atleast one pink article of clothing.
3. Apples will be the official food of FIRST Championships. All teams named for unhealthy snack foods will be re-christened "Rice Cakes" "Skim Milk" or some similar alternative.
4. The only approved non-mythical animal mascots will be canine, feline, equine, avian, or rodent in nature. All other mascots will be shorn, tarred, and feathered.
5. Extraterrestrials are people too. All secret government holding facillities will be demolished and their aliens residents given full citizenship.
6. In concert, all clandestine government intelligence agencies will be disbanded and any and all agents will become civillians and be forbidden to wear snazzy suits.
7. Artificial fusion is a myth, people. All teams themed about it will be re-named "Pie-in-the-sky flight of fancy"
8. Bombs and TNT are dangerous and are prohibited. All bombs should be handled by professional bomb squads with REAL robots. All themed teams will be doused with water to defuse them.
9. Similarly, high voltage is also dangerous and is prohibited. Especially when mixed with H2O. Such teams will be wrapped in foil to ground them and reduce the chance of shock.
10. Tie-dye hurts our eyes. Stop it.
11. Acknowledge the obvious superiority of Shipley's donuts to your silly Krispy Kremes. Real donuts don't thud when you drop them.

Alright, the last one was all me. But still. Tremble in fear, mortals!