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Unread 14-12-2005, 12:45
Jessica Boucher Jessica Boucher is offline
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Re: Honda's robot...

This was also on Countdown with Keith Olberman last evening. What followed was this commentary. Some words changed to suit our audience:

Quote:
Our number one story on the COUNTDOWN tonight, TIME magazine is presenting its fifth annual “Most Amazing Inventions” issue, and hearkening back to that blood transfusion, TIME‘s “Most Amazing Invention” this year is Snuppy. Woo Suk Hwang and the team at Seoul National University in South Korea cloned this dog this year. Urban legend has it that every time you make a clone, you lose a detail from the original. In this case it seems it was the name. Snuppy, you meant Snoopy, right?

We of course want to know about the robots making the TIME list. Toyota‘s i-unit, a quote: “personal transportation system.” It runs on lithium batteries, can go up to 25 miles an hour, and is made of biodegradable materials. The designer says it‘s intended to be an extension of the human body. I thought they had three different kinds of medicine that took care of that.

More along the lines of pure robotry is this iCat. It is multi-lingual and has a vast array of facial expressions, and it is not at all creepy.

If I can buy an iCat, can I get cloned Snuppy to come over and kick its robotic behind? That would be a much-needed diversion while the scientists keep working on fulfilling the promises that I‘ve been hearing since I was a kid and not the guy you see before you soon to need cloning his own self. Robots! Robots to clean, cook, wash! Robots to write the scripts for news casts! Hey, inventors, what exactly are you waiting for? Where is my robot?

The future, what wonderers will it bring? Well, it is a mystery, but one thing is for sure, the future will be filled with robots. Robots will do anything humans can do, only better.

Need some help with the housework, mom? Dad not around to chip in? Relax. Take a load off. Get your hair done. How about a robo-tini? In the future, you‘ll never do chores again.

Our scientists of today are busy building the world of tomorrow where menial tasks and dangerous duties are done for you, leaving you free to relax and enjoy the finer things, all thanks to the magic of the robot.

Hmm, hasn‘t really turned out that way, has it? Sure, there‘s a robot to detonate bombs here and there, maybe explore some distant planet, like I needed that. Where‘s my robot?

I saw “The Jetsons.” I should have a robot maid, a robot car, a robot golf caddie.

Sure the robots can be annoying, but they follow orders, they fight to save the galaxy, and that was a long time ago, it says right there: “long time ago.” It‘s 2005 over here, what do I have? And don‘t tell me Roomba.

I‘m not saying it‘s lack of effort on the part of scientists these days, but how hard are they really trying to get me my robot? We‘ve got a handful of robots that do some cool stuff like they can fight each other. But who is cleaning my kitchen? I am.

Well, I am paying somebody else to clean my kitchen, but you know what I mean. There should be a robot for all that. And all I see are these robo-jokes. An arm wrestling robot, what is that good for? Robot mice, we don‘t have enough real mice? A walking robot that can‘t walk straight. Have another drink, rummy!

Where is my robot car? Where is my Optimus Prime? The only ones even halfway serious about making robots are the Japanese. Our robots, they waddle around on a tabletop. Asimo over there is at least playing the trumpet. Another one plays the trumpet on wheels.

Sure, rub it in, guys. Have one conduct the whole orchestra why don‘t you? They have even got flying Mr. Soccer ball robot. At lease they are trying. We are over here messing around with Clocky while they are getting robot massages, watching robo-dogs play robo-soccer. It is embarrassing to us as a nation.

If we aspire to be truly lazy as Americans, then we need to get off our butts and build some better robots, and then get back down on our butts and say, Coolio, bring me a beer.
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