Well, I picked these off a website, but they're the ones that made me almost spit Fanta on the keyboard
• In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
• While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
• Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
• Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.