[Tristan Lall]

So what's the deal, here? I've spent several minutes scrutinizing these songs, and yet, I can't find much redeeming value in them. Has FIRST had enough of the usual ceremonial anthems, and decided to substitute their own? Is this an elaborate ruse to distract us from this weekend's regionals? I vote the latter, simply because anything else is too painful to contemplate.

Whatever the reasoning, these songs (ridiculous excuses for acrostic poetry, at best) remind me of the Mickey Mouse Club theme, more than anything else. The comparison to Lamb Chop wasn't all that unfair either; these songs are simply non-tuneful, non-memorable, non-inspiring, and so very contrived.

Perhaps FIRST is trying to create something with mass appeal, and yet, once all is said and done, all they have to show for it are two examples of less-than-mediocre drivel. Fundamentally, given a random sample of people, how many actually greatly enjoy the same specific types of music? Maybe, for that reason alone, mass appeal is their mistake. Furthermore, is FIRST trying too hard to get the message out, at the expense of its presentation? It sure seems like it to me.

Traditionally, to create a dignified atmosphere through music, a certain style is used. Maybe a march, maybe a chorus, maybe a memorable tune—in fact, combinations of the three have been used with great success over the years. But this is just too blatant. Imagine if La Marseillaisse were sung like these brutal efforts. If FIRST is going to try this, they have to realize that barring some truly exceptional circumstances, their anthem will be relegated to ceremonial use only—it's got to be good for that sort of thing, first and foremost. Whether or not it appeals to popular sensibilities is necessarily a secondary concern.

If FIRST needs an anthem—and I'm by no means convinced that it does—they ought to take the example of the Olympics, or of the European Union; hold a contest or a assemble a panel to find something with a little dignity and panache, ensure that its musical merits are unimpeachable, and if it needs lyrics, hire someone who understands both verse and FIRST. It doesn't have to be classical in style (though that would be my personal preference); just don't make it into a demo tape for the Mickey Mouse Club.

I really hope this is a joke, because if it isn't, like someone said earlier, it's wack.