First off, I’d like to thank the good people of the City of Dallas for providing snarky analysts like myself enough material in the past week to last a full season.
Rhode Island Dynamic (1-1) d. Eat My Shorts (1-1)
58-55
Sadly, this was not the offensive shootout it was meant to be. Rhode Island’s fleet o’ receivers didn’t do much and their running game was non-existent, making Peyton Manning their only good offensive score with 14, 6 of which was from a naked bootleg. EMS got nothing from their QB, and their best score was John Casey’s 18, 10 of which were from two 50+ yard field goals. However, we had a surprisingly good defensive match here. Despite the Dynamic pulling a single goose egg from a pro-bowler who shall remain nameless, Vilma and Thomas both gave RI 10 points, and St. Louis added 9. For EMS, it was Josh Bullocks leading with 11, and the other three defensive spots adding 13. So in conclusion, defense played an important role, and Rhode Island won with a naked bootleg. Yes, all that leadup was just so I could say “naked bootleg” again. Naked bootleg, naked bootleg, naked bootleg.
Cooney Quest (1-1) d. Koko's X-Cats (1-1)
49-42
Holy Monday nighters!
“The Quest could simply kill them with Shaun Alexander.” I quote this only because if you take Shaun Alexander out of the lineup (which BTW, Cooney will have to do for the next few weeks), this game is the X-Cats’. As it stands, this game was in limbo going into Monday night, with five Falcons and a Saint between the contestants (which would actually explain why this was such a low scoring match). The good stuff was on Sunday though, with McNair scoring 10 and Stover scoring 11 for the X-Cats. But Cooney was already better off, with Lindell, Brooking, and the aforementioned Alexander all giving Cooney 8, and Dallas Clark adding 7. It was a game of small-ball for sure, but the Quest came out of this one bigger.
FIRST Force (1-1) vs.
Cromer Smash! (1-1)
draw
54-54
First off, let’s all take a moment to stare at Ed’s massive butchering of the word “sabotaging”
. There’s a theme to this review now! Cromer’s upsides were Willie Parker (19) and Cincinnati (16). The Force’s upsides were the New York Jets (12), Dante Culpepper (9), and the fact that the Smash left a roster spot open on defense. Yes, had the Smash plugged in a single defender who got one little tackle in a game (I won’t even start with the two zeros from the other two defensive spots), they would’ve won. But instead, we have our first tie of the season.
Nor Cal Crushers (2-0) d. Silver Lobos (1-1)
61-54
Carson Palmer’s 12 is the only thing that really stands out for the Lobos, though I will give them credit for a decent conglomerate, with only four players scoring under 6. If they can bring their lower scores up a tiny bit, they will be a contender. Nor Cal, of course, is already a contender. Clinton Portis came out strong with 19, and was backed up by Darrell Jackson’s 15. Those two big scores were a solid foundation for the rest of the Crushers to do their job. Okay, so they got a -3 from their kicker. Pobody’s nerfect.
T-Hawks (1-1) d. The Very Fast Blitz (0-2)
58-52
What do you say about a team who has Brian Westbrook’s amazing score of 26, Mark Brunell’s 10, and five zeroes, one of which was T.O. on a bye? Suicidal, perhaps? Sorry, couldn’t resist
. The T-Hawks played a lot like the Lobos did this week (and I mean that as a compliment), except they had and 18 from Hasselbeck to build upon. Everybody contributed. Which is more than I can say about the Blitz. Don’t let the score fool you; this game was not even close.
Amazin' Blue (1-1) d. RPI10 (2-0)
61-39
You know, I totally expected this to go the other way, or at least be a lot closer. But RPI just had problems scoring. Their receivers combined for -1, and other than Eli Manning’s 12 (most of which came from the fourth quarter again), the offense just wasn’t there. Even the defense’s combined 21 was outdone by Amazin’ Blue by 4. Speaking of the Blue, their two backs combined for 9 (a third was on a bye), and Torry Holt came through with 13. Just add Leftwich’s 8, and you have a well rounded victory for Amazin’ Blue.
Evil Trav's Minions (2-0) d. Boilers 1529 (1-1)
68-34
This seems to be a standard Minions game: just have as many guys as you can score big points. The big guys this time around were New Orleans (back in the Superdome!!!) with 17, McNabb with 14, and Ronde Barber with 12. We’re at the point where those three guys would’ve won on their own. The Boilers were barely there anyway, with only Philadelphia’s 9 standing in the way of the Minions. It and they were obviously steamrolled.
Indiana Ironmen (2-0) d. Meatball Artists (0-2)
55-26
I must say, even losing, Tom Brady looked good. Him and Baltimore led the Ironmen with 11s. And despite three zeroes from the offense, Indiana had everyone else clear 6. The Artists just had Bulger’s 9. Really, that was all. Okay I’m exaggerating a bit, but my point still stands.
Stevies Scapegoats (1-1) d. sigmakittens (0-2)
62-57
The best week the Kittens have, and they happen to be facing the surging Scapegoats. I mean, they looked like a solid team this week. So what went wrong? Nothing really. Heck, they even got a 14 from Plummer. McGahee and Indianapolis both scored 8. Maybe a better question isn’t how the Kittens lost, but how the Scapegoats won. I’ll give you three names: Favre (who, by all rights and means, should have actually blown the game for them), James, and Longwell. That’s a 19 and two 10s, respectively. See what happens when Brett Favre plays a team as bad as the Lions? The Scapegoats win.
stantheman (2-0) d. {} (0-2)
59-33
It seems that Murphy’s Sideway Seagull Thingies (seriously, turn your head sideways, those braces look like seagulls in the distance) just can’t catch a break. Roethlisberger was a dud again (you’d figure the Steelers would just go back to Charlie Batch), and their running game, which should be top notch, combined for just 4. Yes, STM was out a quarterback this week, but it really didn’t matter. Javon Walker’s 19 and John Carney’s 13 were plenty enough. Combine that with a decent defense, and woe is MSST.
Code:
Rank Team W-L-T Pct. Pts. Streak F.Rank Change
1. Evil Trav's Minions 3-0-0 1.000 227.00 W-3 1 ±0
2. Nor Cal Crushers 3-0-0 1.000 205.00 W-3 2 ±0
3. Indiana Ironmen 3-0-0 1.000 193.00 W-3 4 +1
4. stantheman 3-0-0 1.000 174.00 W-3 6 +1
5. Rhode Island Dynamic 2-1-0 .667 194.00 W-2 3 +1
6. RPI10 2-1-0 .667 182.00 L-1 5 -3
7. Cooney Quest 2-1-0 .667 166.00 W-1 10 +1
8. Amazin' Blue 2-1-0 .667 145.00 W-2 12 +5
9. Stevies Scapegoats 2-1-0 .667 143.00 W-2 13 +5
10. T-Hawks 2-1-0 .667 133.00 W-1 15 +5
11. FIRST Force 1-1-1 .500 168.00 T-1 8 -1
12. Cromer Smash! 1-1-1 .500 141.00 T-1 14 ±0
13. Silver Lobos 1-2-0 .333 169.00 L-1 7 -4
14. Eat My Shorts 1-2-0 .333 168.00 L-2 8 -3
15. Koko's X-Cats 1-2-0 .333 160.00 L-2 11 -8
16. sigmakittens 0-3-0 .000 131.00 L-3 16 +3
17. {} 0-3-0 .000 125.00 L-3 17 -1
18. The Very Fast Blitz 0-3-0 .000 121.00 L-3 18 +2
19. Boilers 1529 0-3-0 .000 120.00 L-3 19 -2
20. Meatball Artists 0-3-0 .000 103.00 L-3 20 -2
::giggles at the fact that there are two .500 teams after an odd number of games:: Week III, other than the top two, looks NOTHING like it did after Week II. Still it's early, and fluctuations like that are bound to happen. I'll see you all next week.