Okay, so all but one of the undefeated teams lost, and all but one of the winless teams won. That won’t turn things upside down, will it?
Rhode Island Dynamic (2-1) d. Cromer Smash! (1-1-1)
86-46
And we start off the week with a bang. Rhode Island came out shooting, firing a Peyton Manning 14. But it hit Cromer’s bow, not doing too much damage. The Smash were even able to fire back a Jake Delhomme 11, even though it barely scratched the Dynamic’s armor. But then the Dynamic shot a nasty 18 points from Dante Hall into the Smash’s flank (see what I did there: flank, flanker… oh, nevermind, most people under 30 won’t understand this one), followed up by two 11s from their twin guns named Zach Thomas and Olindo Mare. While the Smash learned from last week to pack three defensive players (which, to their credit, held the bulkheads pretty well with 19), when they loaded Cincinnati into their main cannon, it up and ‘sploded on them (a -3). With Rhode Island’s remaining shots (all but two of which cleared 5), they easily sunk the Smash.
Koko's X-Cats (1-2) d. Eat My Shorts (1-2)
57-49
Hey, Larry Johnson actually did something! Which is good, because his 20 was desperately needed for the X-Cats. Their only other relatively decent scores were Ed Reed’s 10 and Drew Bledsoe’s 9. Luckily, they were also playing EMS. EMS started off great with Santana Moss’s 25, but unlike the X-Cats, didn’t have anything backing it up. Heck, their defense totaled a combined 3 (this is including San Francisco’s -5). So sadly, Moss’s inspired performance in that overtime game against the Jaguars went to waste.
stantheman (3-0) d. Cooney Quest (2-1)
62-49
Wow, the Quest looked good, what with Jones’s 16, Atlanta’s 18, and Vick’s 7. They also had… well, you see… they had a backup of… Oh, they didn’t. My mistake. It also probably didn’t help that they were facing STM’s Laurence Maroney on the best week of his still short career (that’s 19, for those of us counting). They also had that stonewall of a defense, Chicago, score 12. And while the rest of the offense put up sub-par numbers, the rest of the defense came through, adding 23. Compare this to the rest of Cooney’s defense, who only added 4, and you can easily see why STM is now the league’s lone undefeated team.
FIRST Force (1-1-1) d. Nor Cal Crushers (3-0)
67-45
“Not sure how long the Crushers’ Kurt Warner is going to be on the field due to his recent poor play but it shouldn't hurt them too much…” Uh huh… And here we begin the story of Nor Cal’s utter collapse this week with a Kurt Warner -3. Yes, Portis had 13 and Scobee contributed 12, but the rest of the Crusher’s powerhouse offense was anything but.
“FIRST Force's Daunte Culpepper has been a disappointment so far, but Houston is a great cure-all, as is the Jets defense for Dominic Rhodes.” Ed got this right; they combined for 17. Add the one Cardinal who actually did something this game, Adrian Wilson, and his 14.
“The question is: is it gonna be enough?” The answer is: yes.
We now pause for intermission because Miss Kitty Fantastico wants me to play with her, and she won’t stop meowing until I do.
…
And now the cat’s sleeping, so we’re back!
Silver Lobos (1-2) d. T-Hawks (2-1)
77-66
See, I’d have thought this one would be a quarterback shootout. Boy, was I wrong. Both Hasselbeck and Palmer scored zeros, and that was only because their tackles helped negate one of their interceptions. Nonetheless, I’d still put this as my game of the week. The T-Hawks had three 10s from Steve Smith, Jason Hanson, and Ray Lewis, topped off by the Kansas City DEF’s 20. Imagine what would’ve happened had Matt Hasselbeck (and the rest of the Seahawks for that matter) actually showed up? They may have won. But it wasn’t meant to be. The Lobos with Maurice Jones-Drew’s 14, Andre Johnson’s 13, DeShaun Foster’s 12, Cato June’s 10, and all around better numbers at their lower end of the spectrum were just too much. Now imagine if Carson Palmer (and the rest of the Bengals, for that matter) actually showed up. The Lobos’s score would’ve been through the roof. But they’ll still take the victory.
The Very Fast Blitz (0-3) d. RPI10 (2-1)
44-31
OMG, the Blitz had a defense this week! Okay, not the greatest defense in the world with only a combined 14, but every score helps in this low scoring match. In other words, Mark Brunell’s 17 and Joseph Addai’s 10 really helped. RPI’s problem was that their good players were on byes. They tried to compensate with Rudi Johnson’s 10, Miami’s 9, and Graham’s 7. Unfortunately, you can count the rest of their scoring on a single hand. So the Blitz manage to steal their first win.
Amazin' Blue (2-1) d. Evil Trav's Minions (3-0)
73-63
“Amazin' Blue didn't look like they had much of a chance even before three of his players went on a bye. Who’s gonna save their butts now? Byron Leftwich? Nate Clemens? Kevin Faulk?” Survey says: Justin Miller?!? I’m sure you’re all joining me now asking who the heck Justin Miller is. The short answer is that he scored 24. Also, the aforementioned Leftwich, Faulk, and Clemens combined for 28, and Torry Holt added 12. And let’s be fair: the Minions prettymuch played like they had Sunday off, with their only noticeable score being Bernard Berrian (again I say: who?) and his 12. Yes, McNabb had 25 on Monday, but the game was already over; all that accomplished was keeping the Minions up on top of fantasy points. While that’s helpful, we still lose another undefeated team.
Boilers 1529 (0-3) d. Indiana Ironmen (3-0)
61-46
The Boilers performance this week can be summed up with two words: Glenn (16) and Brees (15). Not to mention that their two other receivers combined for 10, and they had a running game. Brady gave 10 points to the Ironmen, and their defense was the better of the two. But the rest of their offense was pretty lackluster, allowing a winless team to knock off an undefeated team.
And now my cat wants food. Apparently, you need to feed them… Feel free to twiddle your thumbs for the next couple minutes.
…
And we’re back.
Meatball Artists (0-3) d. Stevies Scapegoats (2-1)
63-47
“Stephen Jackson and Marc Bulger have to be bigtime…” I’d consider a 13 and 23, respectively, pretty big.
“…but Julius Jones, who has a history of big post-bye weeks, can carry the [Meatball Artists] on his back himself.” A 13. Not quite their best score, but very helpful, Okay, I can count the rest of their scoring on one hand once I add New England’s 9, but let’s look at what the Scapegoats brought. Favre scored 26 fewer points in the QB spot. Their defense was okay with 24 points, but that’s where a good deal of their scoring came from. The offense just couldn’t keep up, and while 58 of the Artists’ points came from only four players, it was still more than enough to win their first game.
{} (0-3) d. sigmakittens (0-3)
59-41
How humorous is it that the one week Roethisberger is on a bye is the week Murphy’s Anti Steelers get their first win? Heck, J.P. Losman is having a better season than Roethisberger; he tallied 8 this week. Which, BTW, is 8 more than Plummer got for the Kittens on a bye this week. You’ll notice that their best score was a 9 for McGahee. That’s right, nobody on the Sigmakittens hit double digits. Meanwhile, the Anti Steelers got three double-digit scores from Marques Colston (13), Jeff Wilkins (13), and DeAngelo Hall (12). Somebody had to get their first win here, and this time, it was MAS.
Code:
Rank Team W-L-T Pct. Pts. Streak F.Rank Change
1. stantheman 4-0-0 1.000 236.00 W-4 6 +3
2. Evil Trav's Minions 3-1-0 .750 290.00 L-1 1 -1
3. Rhode Island Dynamic 3-1-0 .750 280.00 W-3 2 +2
4. Nor Cal Crushers 3-1-0 .750 250.00 L-1 3 -2
5. Indiana Ironmen 3-1-0 .750 239.00 L-1 5 -2
6. Amazin' Blue 3-1-0 .750 218.00 W-3 8 +2
7. FIRST Force 2-1-1 .625 235.00 W-1 7 +4
8. Silver Lobos 2-2-0 .500 246.00 W-1 4 +5
9. Koko's X-Cats 2-2-0 .500 217.00 W-1 9 +6
10. Cooney Quest 2-2-0 .500 215.00 L-1 11 -3
11. RPI10 2-2-0 .500 213.00 L-2 12 -5
12. T-Hawks 2-2-0 .500 199.00 L-1 13 -2
13. Stevies Scapegoats 2-2-0 .500 190.00 L-1 14 -4
14. Cromer Smash! 1-2-1 .375 187.00 L-1 15 -2
15. Eat My Shorts 1-3-0 .250 217.00 L-3 9 -1
16. {} 1-3-0 .250 184.00 W-1 16 +1
17. Boilers 1529 1-3-0 .250 181.00 W-1 17 +2
18. Meatball Artists 1-3-0 .250 166.00 W-1 19 +2
19. The Very Fast Blitz 1-3-0 .250 165.00 W-1 20 -1
20. sigmakittens 0-4-0 .000 172.00 L-4 18 -4
Aww... I didn't get to use the ±0 this week. Actually, that just goes to show you how much jumping there was this week. Heck, Koko Ed and his X-Cats jumped up six spots. And ironically, all the chaos with the undefeated teams losing and the winless teams winning actually evened all the brackets out.
Now my cat has to pee. So I'll see you all next week.