I never even heard of a five-paragraph essay until after I became a homeschool mom. Even though I'm the English major, I first heard of this format from my friend the psychology major who now teaches writing classes.
How the emphases change in education! When I was in high school, "creative writing" was the way to go. I think this resulted from 1960s ideology: "Let it all hang out."
Although essay writing can be tedious, kids graduating from high school today have a better chance than I did of knowing how to write something that demonstrates structured thinking. Developing your thoughts, supporting your statements, and communicating your ideas to your readers are very difficult skills to master, even for students who love to write. Most students, therefore, need plenty of practice in these areas.
Here's how to tighten the academic thumbscrews: My son's current English teacher has forbidden students to use first person, second person, or contractions in their essays for the rest of the school year. I think that's a much stricter standard than is actually being followed in most professional writing these days.