This review brought to you by the Belichick School of Sign Stealing.
What Am I Doing Here d. Rhode Island Drive
82-59
What am I doing here? Good question. It’s the first game of the year, and this one was over on Thursday when the Drive’s Brees and McAllister failed to score positive points. WAIDH only added injury to insult with a combined 51 from Tomlinson, Burress, James, and Portis (heck, over half of that was Burress himself; WAIDH better pray Eli isn’t hurt too much). To Rhode Island’s credit, they played pretty well on defense, netting 41 points. But that only made their inevitable loss look slightly better.
The XaulZans d. Koko's X-Cats
76-72
When LT does a better job passing than his QB (in this case, Phillip Rivers), you know whoever owns said quarterback is in a tough spot. Especially when owner of said quarterback’s opponent has Tony Romo’s surprising 27 points. The Zans also had Antonio Gates with 12 (ironically, receiving that pass from LT), Antoine Winfield’s 16, and 9 from Frank Gore. The X-Cats easily won the defensive battle; the Chargers play into this game once more giving the Cats 14, and Ed Reed’s 14 points on Monday Night Football actually put them over the top briefly, but their offense was merely average and Phillip Rivers actually subtracted points, most likely being the difference maker in this game.
Indiana Ironmen d. Youngstown Hitmen
82-53
Here we have an exciting battle between two fleets of receivers. The Ironmen won that with Chad and Calvin Johnson, plus Steve Smith’s combined 32 points, compared to the Hitmen’s fleet only scoring 27. You can add Vinatieri’s 11 and Chicago’s 10 to the Hitmen’s score, and you wouldn’t end up very far from their final score. The Ironmen had nine of their ten players score at least 7 points, and you know how I’m a sucker for teamwork like that. In fact, at the bare minimum of that, the Ironmen have already won by 10. Go, Ironmen!
Nor Cal Crushers d. Dunedain
70-60
Yay, Dunedain’s back! And so are the Crushers! Which is unfortunate for Dunedain, because Nor Cal was living up to their name early. Eli Manning had a spectacular game, scoring 21 before he got hurt. The rest of their offense was underwhelming, but not outright terrible. Luckily, the defense was there to pick up the slack. Led by Pittsburgh’s 17, they combined for 33. Dunedain put up a heck of a fight themselves, but while their offense all put up decent numbers, their only big score was Addai’s 13. It was the same with the Dunedain D, with decent numbers, but only Seattle’s 12 being notable. And decent isn’t good enough against the Crushers.
Silver Lobos d. Team Jack
102-58
Geez, it’s Week I, and we already have a triple-digit score.
“Ah! There's Manning! The Lobos have him.” The flip side of Rhode Island’s suffering was the Lobo’s gain: 18 points.
“And boy do they need him with only Adrian Peterson as their only back.” You know what? If I was writing the pregame analysis, I’d say the same thing. Who could’ve seen Peterson busting out for 16 in his first game? And their receivers tacked on an additional 36! Tom Brady and his Sign Stealing Corps scored 18 points for Jack, but they got jack from everyone else, with no more offensive scores above 5, and a defense that stayed below double-digits. It would’ve taken a miracle to overcome an additional 46 points anyway.
Isotopes d. The Stud Man Clan
54-47
The Clan should’ve won. Really. The top of their scorecard looks great with Cutler’s 9, Alexander’s 12, and Moss’s 16. The bottom: not so much. It’s a combined 0 for the Clan’s defense. Now look at the Isotopes’ defense. That’s 27 unanswered points right there. The offense just had to not be terrible to secure a win. While I would’ve expected more from the Isotopes’ offense, it didn’t bomb, and even if their offensive high score was Boldin’s 7, it still scored enough to knock out the Clan.
FIRST Force d. Stevies Scapegoats
83-64
The Scapegoats had one score in double digits. One. And it was a surprising one at that (Kitna with 15). FIRST Force had five players in double digits. Five. Do the math. Palmer (11), Coles (14), Baltimore (10), McGee (11), & Edwards (10) were the five players. Alone, it wasn’t quite enough for victory; I will give the Scapegoats credit for putting up mostly consistent scores. But so did the Force, making this an easy victory.
Code:
Rank Team W-L-T Pct. Pts. Streak F.Rank Change
1. Silver Lobos 1-0-0 1.000 102 W-1 1 -
2. FIRST Force 1-0-0 1.000 83 W-1 2 -
3. What Am I Doing Here 1-0-0 1.000 82 W-1 3 -
4. Indiana Ironmen 1-0-0 1.000 82 W-1 3 -
5. The XaulZans 1-0-0 1.000 76 W-1 5 -
6. Nor Cal Crushers 1-0-0 1.000 70 W-1 7 -
7. Isotopes 1-0-0 1.000 54 W-1 12 -
8. Koko's X-Cats 0-1-0 .000 72 L-1 6 -
9. Stevies Scapegoats 0-1-0 .000 64 L-1 8 -
10. Dunedain 0-1-0 .000 60 L-1 9 -
11. Rhode Island Drive 0-1-0 .000 59 L-1 10 -
12. Team Jack 0-1-0 .000 58 L-1 11 -
13. Youngstown Hitmen 0-1-0 .000 53 L-1 13 -
14. The Stud Man Clan 0-1-0 .000 47 L-1 14 -
Well, after that draft fiasco, we're finally playing. Now if only the Ravens would use that running back they payed $40 million for...
See y'all next week.
