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Unread 25-10-2007, 11:33
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Re: FAHA: Dealing with a problematic team member

I had my leadership students read "How to Win Friends & Influence People" last year... I know books aren't always the solution, but this book has many good insights into how to get people to see a different point of view. These are some of the main points on how to win people to your way of thinking:
**The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid an argument all together.
**Show Respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re Wrong.”
**If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
**Begin in a friendly way.
**Get the other person to say “Yes, Yes.”
**Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
**Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers.
**Try to honestly see things from the other person’s point of view
**Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

There is always the option of talking to your team leaders about it too. I know as a team leader I would say that 75% of what I deal with is personalities or team dynamics, 25% is actually engineering. I wish it were opposite, but no one will learn well or inspire others in an environment they are uncomfortable in, and I want the team to trust each other and me. If your team leaders are good listeners they will be able to figure out how to do something about it without implicating you or anyone in particular. We have many times pulled students aside, and without saying who had the problem with them, worked with them to improve their behavior towards others.

And this is also sometimes difficult, but often I try and understand first WHY the person is acting that way. Sometimes its out of character and its something going wrong with classes, home or a girlfriend... sometimes its built into the character because parents have pushed so hard the student feels like they have to be that way. Sometimes its to impress others or be the center of attention. But often times once you understand WHY a person is acting a certain way you can be a lot more empathetic, and you can figure out a better way to convince them to change their behavior, or at least work with you.

People issues unfortunately are a big part of life, and even a big part of real life & jobs. I hope some of this helps, and I hope it works out for you
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Kimberly O'Toole Eckhardt <3
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