Thank god I faced the team with Brady the week he actually had to face a defense...
Rhode Island Drive (5-3) d. Team Jack (7-1)
70-57
Three backs versus three receivers. Who wins? Rhode Island's RBs. Actually, in a twist of irony, had Team Jack switched out one (or even all) of their receivers for the benched Maurice Jones-Drew, we wouldn't be having this conversation because Team Jack would be victorious, but you know what they say about hindsight. In fact, Team Jack's LenDale White outscored said receiving trio, Tom Brady was held to 14 points (I chuckle as I use the word "held" there; I suppose that's what happens when he has to face an actual defense), and their top score came from their kicker! On the other hand, I can't really praise the Drive for any single effort. Their top scores were Derek Anderson's 11 (another "held" situation) and Marion Barber's 10, but if you look down their scorecard, there is no score lower than 5. It's not the greatest conglomerative effort in the world, but it'll do.
Isotopes (4-4) d. Koko's X-Cats (2-6)
58-43
Woe is the X-Cats, fate binded to the Chargers. I don't really need to say more. Lynch's 18 and Welker's 11 made up the bulk of their score, wasted due to a lot of horrible gameplay from the rest of the roster (seriously, Travis Henry isn't worth it). There was only one more score above 3 for the X-Cats. The Isotopes came in with Reggie Bush's 17 & Earnest Graham's (who?) 13, backed up by half their remaining roster clearing 4. It's another unpretty win for the 'Topes.
The Stud Man Clan (3-5) d. What Am I Doing Here (4-4)
64-63
What am I doing here? You know, other than being stumped on how to analyze this game. I mean, looking at the big picture, this game was remarkably even. Both teams had three players score <3, both teams had a single large score and a single moderately high score (Moss & Bironas for the Clan, Portis & Tomlinson for WAIDH), both defenses were within 2 points of each other, and both teams had three more moderate scores (two on offense, one on defense). That last bullet point, though, is where the Clan manage to edge out WAIDH. Dallas, Davis, & Colston = slightly better than WAIDH's Ware, James, & Campbell. And remember people, you only need to win by 1.
Stevies Scapegoats (3-5) d. Indiana Ironmen (4-4)
111-63
The Ironmen had a 24 from Roethlisberger's excellent Monday nighter. Sadly, they needed a 73. That's because they were playing the Scapegoats, who are on an exciting surge as of late. The Goats were led by Jamal Lewis's 29 (hence the "held to" comment about Derek Anderson in the first game). Alone, it's very impressive, but add Detroit's 20, Glenn Holt's 15, Jon Kitna's 14, and four more players at or above 6, and it becomes godly (or god-awful, if you're Indiana). This is the simplest game I've had to analyze in weeks.
Silver Lobos (7-1) d. Nor Cal Crushers (2-6)
87-72
Why is it that every time the Crushers play a good game, their opponent has to play better? All that's due to the Lobos trump card this week, an Adrian Peterson 30, in quite possibly the best game any rookie in the NFL has ever had. Talk about tough breaks, because Nor Cal outdid the Lobos everywhere else. Pittsburgh's 15, Westbrook's 14, and a 12 coming from the K spot were excellent contributions, and if you really wanted to find a fault, I guess you point out their three receivers combining for just 3 points. Maybe if they had performed, Nor Cal would've had a mondo upset. But alas, the Lobos remain the lone one-loss team.
Youngstown Hitmen (2-6) d. Dunedain (3-5)
87-68
Hello, high-scoring shootout. This game was about who's high scores were higher, and judging by the nineteen point difference in final scores, clearly, Youngstown was better. The Hitmen had a middle-offense composed of Leon Washington (13), Terrell Owens (15), Joshua Cribs (10), & Greg Jennings (17). On defense, they were sporting a 14 from Charles Woodson and a 10 from the New Orleans DEF. While Dunedain had the high score of this game, Joseph Addai's 18, the rest of their scores were relatively low. Three 10s came from Hasselbeck, Galloway, & Bodden, plus a 9 from Boley. If Dunedain had one more high score, maybe they would've had this game, but now both teams are 3-6.
FIRST Force (5-3) d. The XaulZans (5-3)
64-41
The XaulZans had Tony Romo and Jason Witten connecting for a combined 26. Not bad! But four 0s and nobody else clearing 5? Not good! FIRST Force had Palmer & Houshmandzadeh connecting for a combined 20. Still not bad, but Lee Evans adding 16 makes it even better. Combine that with only one 0 & four more people clearing 5, and it's all good.
Code:
Rank Team W-L-T Pct. Pts. Streak F.Rank Change
1.x Silver Lobos 8-1-0 .889 736 W-7 1 ±0
2. Team Jack 7-2-0 .778 643 L-1 4 ±0
3. Rhode Island Drive 6-3-0 .667 680 W-4 2 ±0
4. FIRST Force 6-3-0 .667 647 W-3 3 ±0
5. The XaulZans 5-4-0 .556 574 L-3 7 ±0
6. Isotopes 5-4-0 .556 515 W-3 13 +2
7. Indiana Ironmen 4-5-0 .444 617 L-3 6 -1
8. What Am I Doing Here 4-5-0 .444 569 L-4 8 -1
9. Stevies Scapegoats 4-5-0 .444 557 W-2 10 +1
10. The Stud Man Clan 4-5-0 .444 507 W-1 14 +1
11. Dunedain 3-6-0 .333 623 L-1 5 -2
12. Youngstown Hitmen 3-6-0 .333 561 W-1 9 +1
13. Koko's X-Cats 2-7-0 .222 544 L-2 11 -1
14. Nor Cal Crushers 2-7-0 .222 540 L-6 12 ±0
x=Clinched Playoff Birth
Youngstown seems to think that they'll be feared as a playoff spoiler. I seem to think that that they'll be feared because they're only a game and 8 fantasy points out of eighth place. Speaking of which, it's time for the
Playoff Picture:
- The Lobos are guaranteed a shot at defending their championship. Why do I say this and Yahoo doesn't? Well, it's complicated. See below.
- This also means that Jack is one game away from clinching. Again, see below.
- The Drive and Force need two wins. See below.
- Topes only need to win thrice to clinch. See below. Also, if they lose all of their last 4 games, they're eliminated. See last week's playoff picture for that one.
- The Zans, Scapegoats, Ironmen, WAIDH, & Clan will clinch if they win out. It's actually one big fustercluck (I pray none of the moderators are dyslexic) as it's mathematically impossible for more than three of these teams to win out, so see below. The Scapegoats & Clan would also be eliminated if they lose all of their last 4 games, for the same reason as the Topes.
- The Hitmen will be eliminated if they lose out. Simple!
- Dunedain, X-Cats, & Crushers will be directly eliminated if they lose three more games (Dunedain is here because due to last week's anomaly, they could only afford to lose 4 games, and they lost this week, bringing it down to 3).
Now, let's look at the schedule to clear everything up:
- (be forewarned, I was forced to go non-linear when it came to the timing of games in this bullet point; y'all may need to if you wish to follow, but even if you don't, rest assured, it's all correct) There are three games which clear up our mathematical flux above: Ironmen/Clan in Week X, WAIDH/Zans in Week XII, and Zans/Ironmen in Week XIII. Despite the Zans being a bracket higher than the other four teams they're tiered with, if they lose in both Weeks XII & XIII, they're guaranteed to fall into the current 3-6 bracket. But if the Zans win just one of those two games, it'll drop the respective loser into the current 3-6 bracket. Either way, Week X's Ironmen/Clan game knocks a second team down that 3-6 bracket, making a perfect chopping point right after eighth place. Now you're probably asking yourself what happens if the Ironmen lose both of those games and WAIDH wins in Week XII. We'd have four teams fighting for spots #6-8. That's where the Topes, Force, & Drive come in. The Topes have Force & Goats, Force has Topes & Drive, & Drive has Zans & Force. If it comes down to Topes/Goats or Drive/Zans, it means either the Topes or Drive have fallen 2 brackets (via their respective games versus Force). The Topes would need no further math (they'd fall into the current 3-6 bracket), but for the Drive, it would mean the Hitmen & Dunedain storming up and taking out either the Zans or WAIDH, or the Drive falling out completely (both the Drive & WAIDH have the Zans, Hitmen, & Dunedain, remembering the fact that the Zans would've lost one already, WAIDH would be undefeated, meaning those losses would drop at least one of them into the current 3-6 bracket, joining the Ironmen and completing the circle). Long story short, at least two teams are guaranteed to fall to the current 3-6 bracket with Dunedain & Hitmen, making it mathematically impossible for more than six of the current #3-#10 teams to clinch via the methods shown above. And in turn, that's what makes the methods shown above able to happen (and gives the Lobos the first playoff spot this season). Self-completing loops FTW!
- Another good one for you: If Dunedain and/or Hitmen win out, they'll be guaranteed to at least be fighting for seventh (check my last bullet point; at least two more teams will be falling to their bracket or lower because of all that mess if the Hitmen and/or Dunedain win out). They don't completely control their own fate in this situation though, because there's a possibility that up to four other teams could be tied with them, making it come down to fantasy points, and therefore meaning that even if they do win out, they could still miss the playoffs.
- The X-Cats and Crushers both have three teams in that big tangle up top. If they win out, they are far from done.
- Force & Drive in Week XIII looks exciting, seeing as linearly, it's the last game in my tangle up top. I'm fairly certain it's impossible for both teams to miss the playoffs, so it could be the biggest game of both team's seasons if they've gone 0-3 up until that point. Of course, it's possible that both their present courses stay the same, in which case, it'll still be a great game between two of the top 4 seeds. Or the Ironmen could win their Week XIII game against the Zans, undoing my tangle and making the playoffs very straightforward.
- While mathematically, anyone the top 10 can get the number one seed (don't get me started again), realistically, only the top 4 have a shot at it. The Lobos have the best shot, as they're both a game ahead of anyone else and leading in fantasy points. But Jack, Drive, & Force are all close enough in fantasy points that if the Lobos go 2-2 for the rest of the season, it's a virtual toss-up.
Um... I'm actually out of words after all that. And the funny thing is, if the Ironmen win this week, all those words will be for naught, as both of the Zans Week XII & Week XIII games would be enough to make that chopping point at #8.
I'm hungry. I'm tired. My head hurts. See you next week.