i'll answer my own question.
just in case other teams experience the same problem.....
it turns out that if there is not a second set of green lights at the bottom of the sidecar, all relay ports are unhappy. we switched over to the other sidecar, which did have the happy green lights, and all is good in relay land.
moral of the story: don't always trust the electrical team when they tell you things are ready to go.