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Unread 12-02-2010, 18:23
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Warroad, MN
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Re: Web Competitors 2010

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karibou View Post
What might help a little with readability is some compound sentences See how every sentence in the first paragraph starts with "FIRST_____"? It feels somewhat choppy when I'm reading it in my head.

Suggestion:
"Team 2883 is based in Warroad, Minnesota. FIRST (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology") was founded by Dean Kamen to expose young people to science, technology, and engineering. FIRST is an amazing program and is an eye-opening experience for everyone."

Fewer periods, more commas (in the right places), and easier to read.


thanks for looking.. yeah i'm not very good at writing that kind of stuff
thanks for the comment/ suggestion
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