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#13
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Koko's X-Cats (5-3) d. R.I. Electrons (3-5)
98-94 <Nick Bakay mode>It all looks well and good with Tommy Maddox taking on Seattle. You have faith in the XFL MVP. He gives you 31 points. ::WOOOOOO:: Up next, Washington at Dallas. A Washington touchdown means a point for John Hall... but he stoinks the extra point for a -3. Washington scores again, and they go for 2? Are they crazy? Had Hall not stoinked it, you would've won by 1! ::BUZZ:: Oh well, you still have Peerless Price and Randy McMichael going for you. They both score 8. Of course, your opponent's WRs outscore them combined by 7. ::BUZZ:: Okay, next we have our less-than-spectacular RBs netting you 12. What, those darn X-Cat's have outscored you by 2 there?!? ::BUZZ:: You have 6 defenders (one you don't want to let go of, and are playing a man down). They have an okay 24 Ack! The enemy has 35 there! ::BUZZ:: This all brings us to Denver at New England, Monday Night Football. An interception and a fumble recovery put you up early. Your Broncos return a punt for a touchdown... and what's this? The Patriots are giving you a saftey? Hey, you'll take it. But then on the kickoff, your punt returner is out there, and lets it go by for a 30 yard difference. Stoink! The Patriots get it back under two minutes. They can't stop Tom Brady! What ever happened to the age-old practice of taking a knee?!? One touchdown later, and your Broncos are on the losing end, now having lost points for giving up more than twentyfour. Their 14 isn't enough to get you a win. ::BUZZ:: Your wallet's looking pretty dry right now, you're sulking at losing five straight. You are near the basement. Is all hope lost? Can the Electrons win out and hold eighth place? Find out on next weeks installment of Eddie's Nightmare.</Nick Bakay mode> -To Be Determined-(3-5) d. Scrawney White Guys (2-6) 113-49 This one should've been closer than it actually was. It looks like the White Guys had almost a total spontaneous heart attack. One receiver was off, and five others put up a zero. New Orleans's 25 was impressive, but they only had 2 more on defense. TBD played Kerry Collins for a 44, with a running game worth 22 (more than enough for a win). They only had two 0's. Dunedain(4-2-2) vs. Nor Cal Crushers (3-5) Draw 106-106 Is it just me, or Dunedain a magnet for ties? Tom Brady's 37 on Monday put him in this position. A 28 in receiveing, and an all-around coalition for Nor Cal made this a very impressive game for both teams. ValleyGirls (7-1) vs. Cooney Quest (4-3-1) 121-80 A nice QB battle had Daunte Culpepper take in 43 for the Girls, and outscore Bret Favre by 8. Cooney had two vital positions take in zero, which isn't good against the ValleyGirls. A 43 in defense to supplement the afforementioned Cullpepper is enough for victory. 29 Patriots(1-7) d. Bane (3-4-1) 79-64 The Patriots had two byes, compared to one donut, and a -1 for Bane. Sounds like Bane got the worst of this, losing the QB battle by 6. It was a no-contest in running and receiving as well. A 10 by the Pats kicker put them over the top. CB234(6-2) d. Hurricanes (4-4) 88-34 Ouch! Jeff Garcia not playing had to hurt the Hurricanes, and he really didn't have much else to begin with. A 14 on defense and no one else in double digits only made it worse. CB was able to win the QB battle by 3 (think about it), but their strength came from a running game that tallied 16, and a receiving game taking 28. Mike Vanderjagt came up with 13. Do the math. Your Team Name (6-2) vs Philly Cheesesteaks (8-0) Draw 99-99 Philly actually lost the QB battle by three, enough to warrant our second tie this week. High points for Philly: Manning (30), Coles (10), a solid conglomerate (the rest of the score ). High points for YTN: Jeff Blake (33), Jay Feely (10), Mike Barrow (10), and another spectacular conglomeration. There goes Philly's all-win scenario. Will someone finally get them off the undefeated list?Coco's Monkeys (3-5) d. Chesapeake Cruisers(5-3) 133-108 Okay... how the hell are the Monkey's doing it? They were once the worst team in the league, being the butt of many a joke from Ed & Eddie. Suddenly, they are looking at making a playoff run, and in impressive style, nonetheless. They had Santana Moss catch balls for 31. I could say that led them to their third straight. But you have to at least mention the 52 on defense, led by Detroit (yes, Detroit). Chesapeake also played a great game. Their Baltimore defense (litterally. four of the defenders are Ravens, and they have the Baltimore defense) scored 50, the receivers had 22, and a conglomerate the rest of the way gave them their 108 total. But against the Monkeys, it wasn't enough. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm having a stroke. Snowballs (2-6) d. Pinman(1-7) 107-77 Taking a cue from the Monkeys, Chad Pennington is suddenly usefull with a 44. A 29 in running and Torry Holt's 22 made up for the lack of any defense (alright, they got 5 from it). Speaking of defense, Pinman was missing two, and had a donut. His 22 was better than the Snowballs, but a RB and WR also put up 0's for Pinman. Randy Moss's 14 couldn't pull them out of an already tremendous hole. Matt Hasselback's 28 tried to help, but couldn't get Pinman to two straight. He is now unfortunately back in the basement. |
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