Friends-In-Trouble Tips

[Raven_Writer]

This thread idea came to me because of this thread: http://www.chiefdelphi.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=22657

Anyways, I'd like to know what are your strategies for helping a friend in trouble.

It can be any sort of trouble (life ones...in other worse: depression, suicidal tendicies, etc...).

I don't necessarily have any, because I never know how to deal w/ this stuff.

[David Kelly]

Originally Posted by Raven_Writer

This thread idea came to me because of this thread: http://www.chiefdelphi.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=22657

Anyways, I'd like to know what are your strategies for helping a friend in trouble.

It can be any sort of trouble (life ones...in other worse: depression, suicidal tendicies, etc...).

I don't necessarily have any, because I never know how to deal w/ this stuff.

I think just talking to your best friends or whoever you trust will listen to you helps out the most. Like for me, the past few months ive been dealing with having panic attacks/ anxiety attacks. There are good days and bad days. And some bad days are just poopie and your thoughts are often not realistic. So, being able to talk to a really good friend who will listen to you and help you through those tough times really helps you to realize that you have friends that really care for you.

[evulish]

My best advice would probably be to inform the persons parents/guardians/roommate. I mean, it's fine to try and help the person through it, but at least alert the parents to the fact that there's something possibly wrong. I don't know what else I'd do, I guess it would heavily depend upon the person and the specific situation.

[Madison]

Originally Posted by evulish

My best advice would probably be to inform the persons parents/guardians/roommate. I mean, it's fine to try and help the person through it, but at least alert the parents to the fact that there's something possibly wrong. I don't know what else I'd do, I guess it would heavily depend upon the person and the specific situation.

In the same vein as what Grant's said -- please remember that we're not psychologists or psychiatrists. We are not qualified to intervene in situations where someone's physical or mental well-being is in jeopardy. Do not ever pretend that, as a close friend, you're a substitute for a doctor or other professional. If someone ever makes mention of committing suicide or hurting others, do not hesitate to tell someone who is in a position to better monitor or help that person -- whether that be a parent, guardian, or school official.

[shyra1353]

Originally Posted by evulish

My best advice would probably be to inform the persons parents/guardians/roommate. I mean, it's fine to try and help the person through it, but at least alert the parents to the fact that there's something possibly wrong. I don't know what else I'd do, I guess it would heavily depend upon the person and the specific situation.

the only problem with informing the parents/guardian is that they might just be the problem .. i have a friend whos parents are divorced and she lives wiht her mother because she cant live with her father for various reasons .. and her mother is constantly kicking her out of the house so she spends the nights at friends' houses ...

i think that how people approach the problem depends on the problem and the person and how the person responds to it ... in my opinion, sometimes all that person needs is a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen ... but in other cases, they need more than that ... being psychiatric (psychology ??) treatment ... but as M. Krass said .. we are not a substitute for a doctor or other professional ...

[Raven_Writer]

Thanks to everyone who have replied.

Shyra has a point in her post. But the one in trouble should/could goto a trusted adult, or trusted friend.

[Edit//
"Anytime these sorts of issues are involved, it is ABSOLUTELY critical that you don't just try to deal with it yourself--you need to get the person some professional help. Every school (whether Junior High, High School, or College/University) has some form of counseling department that is far better equipped to handle these sorts of issues than you are. Talk to teachers, parents, religious leaders, or anyone else you feel comfortable with and let them know what's going on with your friend.
If it's something less dire, like helping a friend deal with a break-up, etc, then at least for me the most helpful thing is to just have some one to talk to. Take the friend out to a movie and just let them talk to you if they want." - rbayer

Rob, good point. One thing though, what if you don't really trust people w/ your feelings? (this isn't just directed towards Rob's post, but to everyone's).

"My best advice would probably be to inform the persons parents/guardians/roommate. I mean, it's fine to try and help the person through it, but at least alert the parents to the fact that there's something possibly wrong. I don't know what else I'd do, I guess it would heavily depend upon the person and the specific situation." - evulish

What if the parents don't believe you? I'm just questioning ideas because I would like to know what people would do if it didn't turn out like it was supposed to.

[//:Edit]

[Yan Wang]

If it's life-threatening, get an adult, preferably the parents of the person.

If it's not, it's not your business to deal with it. A person should be left to make his own choices in life. That's the beauty of democracy and this country.

[Raven_Writer]

Originally Posted by monsieurcoffee

If it's life-threatening, get an adult, preferably the parents of the person.

If it's not, it's not your business to deal with it. A person should be left to make his own choices in life. That's the beauty of democracy and this country.

yes, but what if you do not tell someone, or talk to that person, about the problem & it becomes bigger?

If it grows, the person may feel that no one will care to listen, so they won't tell anyone, they'll try to act fine, and when/if someone tries to give them help...they'll refuse it.

[David Kelly]

Originally Posted by monsieurcoffee

If it's not, it's not your business to deal with it. A person should be left to make his own choices in life. That's the beauty of democracy and this country.

Thats exactly what you dont want to do. If somebody would go as far as having suicide thoughts, or attempting, its almost too late. If you think somebody really needs help, you've got to tell somebody. You can start with the parents, but thats not always the best solution. You absolutely dont want to be in the position of saying to yourself "I didnt tell anybody because I thought he/she was okay," and then they go out and commit suicide. That guilt of thinking you could have done something to save their life would haunt you for the rest of your life.

[Yan Wang]

Originally Posted by David Kelly

Thats exactly what you dont want to do. If somebody would go as far as having suicide thoughts, or attempting, its almost too late. If you think somebody really needs help, you've got to tell somebody. You can start with the parents, but thats not always the best solution. You absolutely dont want to be in the position of saying to yourself "I didnt tell anybody because I thought he/she was okay," and then they go out and commit suicide. That guilt of thinking you could have done something to save their life would haunt you for the rest of your life.

I said that 'if it's not' life threatening, then it's not anyone's business. And that's still very true. If my friend were to have thoughts about suicide, then that would NOT fall under the non-lifethreatening category. If I really thought that person "really needs help", then that WOULD obviously be life-threatening and I would call their parents or some adult. Or at least talk to them. I thought my post made the distinction very clear. Sorry if it didn't. I was agreeing with everyone. [and lost rep points for it]

[Yan Wang]

Oh, here's two situations: something to fall under the non-lifethreatening category would be if a friend went to parties and had alcoholic-drinks. If that person does that once a month or infrequently, then I would leave them alone and consider it a stage of being a teenager. If, however, that person became an alcoholic, then I would be inclined to first start talking to them. And if that doesn't work, talk to their parents.

If it's life-threatening, get an adult, preferably the parents of the person.

If it's not, it's not your business to deal with it.

[Blacknight]

I would first try to help them yourself. Imediatly getting someone else if they only came to you might make them go over the edge or do something drastic because they do not want others to kno what's going on or might be afraid of what will happen to them. But if you do get someone else tell them not to say anything unless the person comes to them, or if there is no other choice.

[shyra1353]

Originally Posted by rbayer

If it's something less dire, like helping a friend deal with a break-up, etc, then at least for me the most helpful thing is to just have some one to talk to. Take the friend out to a movie and just let them talk to you if they want.

a break-up might unbearable to some people and not to others .. some people become very involved in a relationship and when it ends it may feel like the end of the world ... like i said earlier .. it depends heavily on the circumstances that surrounds the problem ...

Originally Posted by monsieurcoffee

If it's life-threatening, get an adult, preferably the parents of the person.

If it's not, it's not your business to deal with it. A person should be left to make his own choices in life. That's the beauty of democracy and this country.

the problem with this is not only the guilt as David said, but also if they are your friend, then you obviously care a little bit about them and you will want to help them in some way ( either directly or indirectly )

/edit: just because it is not life-threatening from your point of view does not mean that it isnt life-threatening from someone elses ... taking the example of the break-up .. to you it might just seem like a break-up and that the person has to deal with it .. but to that person it might just feel like the end of the world .. also a friend doesnt always know everything thats going on with the person and if you dont see the whole picture because the friend isnt telling you everything than you may also come to the conclusion that the friends life isnt at risk when it might really be

[rbayer]

Originally Posted by Raven_Writer

This thread idea came to me because of this thread:
It can be any sort of trouble (life ones...in other worse: depression, suicidal tendicies, etc...).

Anytime these sorts of issues are involved, it is ABSOLUTELY critical that you don't just try to deal with it yourself--you need to get the person some professional help. Every school (whether Junior High, High School, or College/University) has some form of counseling department that is far better equipped to handle these sorts of issues than you are. Talk to teachers, parents, religious leaders, or anyone else you feel comfortable with and let them know what's going on with your friend.

If it's something less dire, like helping a friend deal with a break-up, etc, then at least for me the most helpful thing is to just have some one to talk to. Take the friend out to a movie and just let them talk to you if they want.

Just my 2c.