FAHA: Coach in need of moral support

[Bharat Nain]

Being a mentor on a team is hard enough. Being the sole mentor is even harder while tackling many situations. What advice can you offer to this mentor?
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I am a fourth year coach and boy has it been a tough six-weeks. While so many things seem to have gone right many others seem to have gone wrong at the last moment (i.e. just when you think everything is working you blow 2 jags and 1 victor because things weren't double checked). We had a chance to have everything working last week and things just kind of slid apart at the end (i.e. careless mistakes).

I am the sole coach of our 30 member team. There are no other adults excepting our engineering mentor who is able to be here about 1 1/2 hours right after school per day. This means that all the late nights and 6 day weeks (as well as being mom, cheerleader, psychologist, guide, mentor, referee, and general abuse taker) I am on my own. This year to add to everything my mother-in-law (who lives next door and for whom we are mainly responsible as opposed to brother and sisters-in-law that live out of town) was diagnosed with stage III cancer during week 3 of build season I have husband, step-son, and son at home and they have no clue how to deal with this.

It is all so overwhelming sometimes and today I just need to know that there is someone else who understands how much all the FIRST coaches and mentors put into their teams. What we give up and what we gain because there is a lot of both. I wouldn't change anything I do for my team (well maybe a few things... ) but there are only so many hours in a day and sometimes something just has to give.

Thanks for letting me vent and patiently reading. If you are a student, hug your mentors and coaches today, even the grumpy ones...you have no idea what they may be going through between their personal lives and your team...

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FIRST-a-holics Anonymous mailbox is a place to share your concerns about your FIRST experience anonymously. It is the perfect place if you just want someone to listen, or ask for advice when you don’t know what to do. Submit your letters today at the FIRST-a-holics Anonymous mailbox forum. If you wish to respond to this thread anonymously, please PM Bharat or Beth with your response and thread title.

[George A.]

WOW!!! If there is anyone deserving of a UFH or a WFA it's certainly this person! I know adults wear many hats (usually more than we realize) but this person has definitely gone above and beyond the call of duty.

I hope their team realizes how lucky they are to have someone as dedicated as this leader here. I know my prayers will be with you and a full recovery of your mother in law.

[GaryVoshol]

You need more help. Even without your current family problems, you should have had more help.

Insist that other parents step up and join you as mentors next year. Maybe even now to help out with the competition season. If you don't get more volunteers, you won't be able to run the team again.

Also check with your state or regional contact - these people go by several names, such as Lead Mentor or Partner - to see if they know of other engineering mentors that can join you next year.

[Carol]

It can get overwhelming - mentor burnout is a very common problem. The sixth week of build is the hardest, with the pressures and deadlines loaming. Just remind yourself why you are doing this and the difference it makes in your student's lives.

I agree with Gary's advice - get your parents involved. If you use the analogy of a school's sports teams, the coach can't do it all and the parents are usually very active in the non-coaching duties, arranging snacks, travel, etc. Without knowing the specifics, if a parent can come in once a week to give you a break, that would be a big help.

[MarcD79]

I started out as a parent who brought my son to the second meeting because my wife was sick. From that night on I was hooked. I have had 2 sons go through FIRST & on to great things in life.I am still with the team & believe what I am doing is the right thing. I started in the fall of 2002 and still love it. Although I don't run the team, I help out as much as I can. We have students' parents do a lot of the background things, like help run fundraisers. When one has done enough, they train another to take over the tasks. You really need to get parents involved to help run the team. Good luck & relax, the fun is now about to begin.

[Bob Steele]

I totally understand your situation. I have started two teams and it is easy to get overwhelmed. My advice in the short term...

The end of the build is the time when MANY of us are at our lowest point... We are all really wondering what we got into (even after 10 years doing this....) and the end of the season seems such a long way away. It think the best thing for you to do is to find another team's mentor or coach to sit down with. Most of us are happy to help out or at least be someone to talk to.

Last year, at the end of build season my mother had a stroke...We managed to get the robot shipped and I got on a plane and traveled back to Indiana to see her in the hospital for a few days...We put her in a Nursing home and I came back... we were competing the next weekend.... just 3 days later she passed away... I went ahead and coached my team at the regional... did the best I could... got on a plane and spent the next week arranging the funeral and doing the necessary things. I then came back and 1 week later we competed again...

I still look back on that and wonder if I did the right thing... I could have stayed...I came back to help the team...I know my mother would have agreed with what I did.. but was really difficult. Without the mentors and parents on my team I could not have possibly gotten through it.

In the long term,
you MUST find some parents to help you...you MUST get a bigger support group... teachers mentors...etc. If you don't... you will burn out and the team will not continue.

I applaud you for what you have done... it is a great accomplishment... and your team is a winner... no matter what else happens.

Find some help from parents first... call a parent meeting next year... make it mandatory for any student's parents to be at that meeting or make some type of contact with you.. you won't get them all... and of course ... you will let all the kids on the team anyway...but you can ask them to make that effort.

A parent group can make all the difference in the world to the weight that has been placed on your shoulders.

If you are in the Pacific NorthWest please contact me...I will be happy to help...

If you are not... contact me anyway... I might be able to help from a distance too..

We are all in this together...

By the way, Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my Mother's passing....it was good to talk about it.

good luck and you are in my thoughts...