Critique of a Poster and Brochure

[MysterE]

Hi all -

When you get a moment, I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at our Brochure and Poster that we are using in this year's Sponsor packet.

http://www.chiefdelphi.com/media/papers/2581?

Thanks,
Daniel

[davidthefat]

Personally, in the brochure, I would replace "3d design" with "systems design" or something along that line. Also, I would take out the "future" in the "we become" statement. Instead of "We use education", I would write: "We apply the knowledge we gain in school to real life situations". Ans "We are future leaders" to "We are the leaders of the future"

"We design and build a robot in six weeks from a common set of parts." to "We are given 6 weeks to design and build a competitive robot".

"We strategize for a game that allows us to gain the most points while hindering opponents." to: "We develop strategies that allow us to triumph over our opponents."

"We learn to problem solve, build strategic skills, and increase analytical thinking in a team building environment." to "We learn to solve problems, build tactical skills, and induce critical thinking in a team building environment."

"We learn gracious professionalism in both work and competition." to: "We learn to pursue gracious professionalism in every aspect of our lives."



In the poster:

"95% believe company’s involvement with FIRST benefits firm's reputation."

"77% indicate their firm’s support for FIRST made them affirmative about their employees."

"66% believe support for FIRST would help attract and retain good employees."

[rsisk]

Excellent, definitely a format and style I would like to emulate. Nice job.

[EricH]

David, some of this is a critique of your critique...

3D design and systems design are not the same by any means. In this case, I would actually go with 3D design. If system design is included, it should be added to the existing list.

"We use education" to "we apply knowledge..." I would actually just change "use" to "apply". Education covers knowledge gained in school... but school isn't the only place you get an education.

On the "future" statements, I think they're fine as is. If anything, combine them into one big "we are future..." statement. You are not an engineer until you know your engineering topics (typically college-level). (There was also some discussion some time back on CD about this.) Leave the "future" in there.

The common set of parts is a big part of the design process. Imagine designing where you could use any motor you wanted... Keep that in there.

The strategy line needs some rework. I'm not certain there is a good way to put it, other than: "We strategize to find the best way to win the event." [Please note: match and event strategy may differ. There are teams who have lost matches to have a better shot at the event.]

Scholarships: Are the scholarships provided to FIRST (the organization) or to FIRST participants? Might want to think about that one...

Definitely some apostrophe work needing doing in the poster, as David showed. (Students should also learn the difference between a plural, a possessive, and a plural possessive... and apply that difference to the first one.) Also, poster center column, you may want to put the last bullet point into present tense. Imperative voice may also work well for all the points.

[MysterE]

Thanks for the critiques so far. Keep 'em coming. :-) But do it while I am asleep. Good night, FIRST.

-Daniel

[Molten]

First off, love the format of everything. Others have hit every grammar correction I found and more. The first thing I would change is try adding a border/shadow to the puzzle pieces to make it more clear that it is 2 puzzle pieces. It took me a minute to figure out what the 1 oblong shape was. Once I realized it was 2, everything made more sense. The only other thing I could think of is the statistics. Who was surveyed? Currently it reads, "95% believe company’s involvement with FIRST benefits firm's reputation." I immediately thought, 95% of who? Is it 95% of your sponsors? of the students on your team? of the general public? If your going to present numbers, be sure they answer more questions then they bring up. Other then those two things, I like everything about the poster and brochure. If you need a critique for future things, feel free to post them here.

Jason

[Jimmy Nichols]

I agree with Molten "Jason". Although I know exactly where the numebrs come from, the sponsor material available from FIRST's website, others will not and will question that they represent. You could easily add a statement at the top saying that Sponsoring companies surveyed say....

You may also want to site who conducted the surveys as a disclaimer.

[davidthefat]

I would like to add that 55% of engineering PhDs and 45% of all PhDs in the US are foreign born. Just say that we need to fix that statistic. Fix the education system. And that FIRST is a great thing.

[Molten]

Originally Posted by davidthefat

I would like to add that 55% of engineering PhDs and 45% of all PhDs in the US are foreign born. Just say that we need to fix that statistic. Fix the education system. And that FIRST is a great thing.

I would tend to leave those statistics off because you don't know who will be the sponsor. That particular sponsor might outsource most of their work and pride themselves on being mostly Japanese. Part of the draw of FIRST is that it is becoming global. I agree that those statistics show that the US needs improvement, but they might take away from your general appeal. They might give the team a nationalist stance which isn't always looked highly upon. In other words, try to leave politics that can be debated off the advertisements.

Jason

[Carol]

You may also want to somewhere specify how the company can sponsor you. Are you looking just for money or for in-kind donations, material donations, volunteer help, loan of equipment, etc.

[MysterE]

In the end, we are including the poster as a 'pretty' for the Sponsor packet. This is why we didn't include the ways companies could sponsor. I'll be posting our Executive Summary up for review at some point soon.

-Daniel