Engineering slogans

[Neal Probert]

Digging into my vast collection of computer humor collected in the past 25 years, I find a few morsels appropriate for us:

Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard. [Still looking for other nut and bolt jokes]

Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb (battery, victor, motor, ...)?
A. None, it's a hardware problem.
[And a million others]

Q. What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker on a Pentium?
A. The warning label.
[There are more Pentium jokes from when they had that floating point bug]

What will you do if your robot says, "Will I dream?".

Q. What language do all programmers know very well?
A. Profanity

Q. What is a robot's favorite drinking song?
A. 99 Bottles of oil on the wall

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
[That's why the smoke is magic, because afterwards your technology is indistinguishable from junk]

Murphy's Fourth Law: If there are several things that can go wrong at once, the one thing that will do the most damage, will.

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure.

This is a story about People named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everyone though Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody would not do it. It ended up that Everyone blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

[Imagine Clint Eastwood is a programmer, holding his Smith & Wesson, of course]
"Go ahead, make one more change!"

Windows are a pane in the glass.
[I have many other Windows jokes, and some are on the back of my van]

I can C!

Aye Matey, if I be a software pirate, what makes you think I'd admit it?

As a programmer and a poet, I write in rhyme, so I can go from baud to verse.

Chip of Fools

I/O, I/O, off to work we go.

On a clear disk, I can seek forever.