Research says: Feminine STEM role models do not motivate girls

[Kims Robot]

Originally Posted by Katie_UPS

Personally, I wonder if the researched asked the girls how "feminine" they see themselves. I think girls [people] don't want to feel pressured to change how they act/dress/etc and so a role-model who is different from them is threatening/hard to identify with.
Thoughts?

Katie - Thanks for bringing up this very thought provoking topic!! I was just reading Brain Rules, and they have a great chapter on actual physiological differences between the male and female brain. To me the most interesting were some of the studies on how men & women communicated in the workplace and even younger students in the classroom.

Originally Posted by ManicMechanic

At the core of STEM is the desire to discover/create something cool, and that desire must take precedence over image, or it comes across as fake. Someone with an obvious passion for a scientific endeavor, and oh, by the way, they happen to be good-looking, too, works. But a video which demonstrates someone who has obviously expended their best, most serious time and effort into looking attractive, and oh, by the way, in their leftover time, they're into science, too, leaves a bad taste. This applies to both women and men, but especially so for women, because physical attractiveness has historically been emphasized for them.

You make some really great points here, and with some in depth thinking, I have to wonder why we actually disassociate attractiveness from ability to be good at STEM... I don't know if its just a generalization (look around an engineering college, really, what percentage of people there are really attractive?? I hate to say it but far less than a liberal arts school), but I wonder what drives that. To me, someone who takes the time to do hair and makeup is a very detail oriented person... so why couldn't they be detail oriented in their work? Is it just that we think that hour getting ready would be better spent on technical thought?

Interesting background... when I started at Draper, I was put on a set of programs of which two had incredibly attractive technical leads that are my age. One was a male, one a female. I was actually somewhat intimidated, thinking "jeez, are all of the leaders here gorgeous??". Thinking back though, I realize I never once questioned their technical ability. In getting to know both of them, the female was incredible technically skilled, and the male was one of the best leaders I have ever had. Both very quickly became my role models here at work. Though I will admit, neither one of them once discussed how long it took to get ready in the morning, or how they picked out their shoes, or how much they spent on clothes... it was all business. So I would guess there is some merit to them proving themselves technically and not discussing anything that could perceivably be related to attractiveness (ie the lipstick in the video).

Originally Posted by Katie_UPS

After reading all of this though, I now wonder what effect I have on younger girls that I see/mentor. As someone who would like to be a positive role model, I wonder if I am having a positive effect. Am I too girly? Not girly enough? Am I giving girls in engineering a bad name?

Originally Posted by Katie_UPS

I should've mentioned that I am not going to change who I am. That would be ridiculous and something I know I am not capable of. But its more of just wondering what the impact I have on my students is. Wouldn't someone want to know if they were having a negative influence/impact?

Plenty have already responded to this, but what they say is true. Though to get more into the second post... while it is good to have an awareness of other's perceptions of you, you cannot have a fear of their perceptions. I'm fairly certain I've told this story before, but in 1511's second year, I was overwhelmed when we "lost" Chairmans and won EI. I should have been excited, but the intensity of the moment got to me, so I went off in a corner (I felt as a leader, this feeling was "wrong") as tears streamed my face. Several students found and surrounded me, and many others took on a similar emotional stance. I found out later that night a student's 10yr-old brother was getting on the bus and said "see when Kim cries, the whole team cries". It blew my mind. I had no idea I had that kind of influence. And I was immediately afraid of my every action. But I then realized that I was going to learn and grow with the team, and I would NOT be perfect and controlled at every step, and that was completely ok for the students to see that. I did become more aware of the team's perceptions of me, and often used it to figure out how to motivate others, how to be more inspirational. But I still made plenty of mistakes. Role models are human. Its easier to relate to humans. Katie - all of us have so much to learn, and especially the college mentors - focus on growing yourself, and the girls you inspire will grow along with you. Continue to be aware of your surroundings and other's perceptions, but don't let them drive how you act, or what is at your core.

Originally Posted by Jessica Boucher

Your students will choose who they look up to, not the other way around. Just be yourself, be honest, and most importantly, be present. The best role models are the ones you can relate to.

Jess definitely has a way more concise way of what took me an entire paragraph!

Originally Posted by JaneYoung

In Chief Delphi, it would be great to see more women submitting white papers and designs for others to view, ask questions about, use as resource material. In FIRST, it would be great to see more women working together to knock our socks off at a Championship conference presentation. At a Regional or District level, it would be great to see more women working together, creating innovative opportunities for teams to talk and network with them. There are all sorts of opportunities for women to promote STEM initiatives, engineering experiences, and career choices. There are opportunities to network with and participate in other programs and share that information.

There have been many discussions on this already... I guess the real question is HOW do we make this happen? How do we get our female role models to strive for these Rock Star positions? I actually think a lot of what I read in the Brain Rules book may be a lot of the reasoning behind it. The question is how do we work with that, or even around that, to get more females to pursue these positions? I would love to see a study or some statistics on how many female mentors are Technical vs non-Technical. I honestly have no idea.

Also, I know there have been many discussions on the "it doesn't matter if the role model is male or female". And to some extent I agree, but then I realized, when I was seeking out a mentor here at work, I decided that I wanted to find "a female in a high position that was approachable and also had a family." While young girls may not have exactly the same thought process yet (or maybe they do unconsciously), to me, there is something different about going through motherhood that you just cannot "bond" with a guy over. Sure there are plenty of amazing dads (my dad included!), but I want to know that a woman can successfully go through childbirth, perhaps take some time off, perhaps work part time, and then still come back to be successful. I was incredibly lucky that I found exactly that woman here at Draper, and I'm certain there are others. It makes me feel relieved to know that I can actually have that kind of life. While I think stay-at-home moms are amazing, thats not what I am aiming for at the moment, so I want to see that a woman can succeed in an engineering field past that period of life. If I want role models that are good technically, or role models that are good leaders - I don't really care if they are male or female. But if I want a Role model who is the full PERSON that I want to be, well, she has to be a she! (This by no means is the case for every female - you can be incredibly successful and never be married or never have kids, but it just represents who I want to be).

This has been a very intriguing topic with a lot of great points Keep up the great discussion!

[JaneYoung]

Just a quick comment...

I don't necessarily equate Rock Star status with prestige, influence, and impact. That sets people apart. What I would like to see women do, is learn to work more closely together in support of STEM initiatives, shedding the spotlight on their work, their career paths, and the opportunities that are available. If that propels them into Rock Star status, cool.

Jane

[Renee Becker-Blau]

Originally Posted by Kims Robot

There have been many discussions on this already... I guess the real question is HOW do we make this happen? How do we get our female role models to strive for these Rock Star positions?

I think the HOW would be an excellent thing to talk about and brainstorm on.

In 2011 I experienced three different problems relating to Females getting involved with Engineering:

1. I had a student who felt that she had to fight harder then the boys on the team to have her voice be heard when discussing the 2011 robot design and who had no female engineering mentor on her team. She had a hard time feeling confident on the team.

2. I was talking with two girls who were doing a video project, and I asked them what they were majoring in (sadly I was already expecting them to say they wanted to major in communications or multi-media). One said they wanted to go into a medical field and one wanted to get involved with electrical engineering. When I asked what part of the team they were a part of they said the communications side.

3. I was talking to another mentor who had been trying to get females from a large engineering company to come in and talk to their students about being a women in STEM and they couldn't find ANY women who would be willing to take the time and talk with these girls.


Because of these experiences I felt that some ways of encouraging more girls to get involved with STEM could be:

A. Working to raise girls confidence levels when working with STEM

B. Encourage more female engineers to become involved with STEM


I haven't quite figured out HOW to create a program that works on raising girls confidence levels when working with STEM so if people have ideas on projects, programs, or events that focus on building that up, that would be great.


For encouraging more female engineers to become involved with STEM:

1. I've contacted the local College Chapter of Society of Women Engineers (SWE) and requested to have a breakout session at their Regional Conference in February 2013 to talk about FIRST.

2. For the conference I've been working on gathering video interviews of Female Engineering mentors and students in FIRST who are talking about WHY they mentor, and what they get out of it, and why other women should consider becoming a mentor to the program. I'm hoping that the video will allow me to actually show the members of SWE how important their mentoring could be and encourage them to get involved.

Video has been taken at champs for this, and I'm going to be at IRI working on this as well. PM me if you know anyone who should be interviewed and will be at IRI or would be interested in this.

3. Creating a marketing campaign to get more female judges from companies who support FIRST at regional events (This is in progress).


Does anyone have other ideas for HOW to encourage more girls to go into STEM, HOW to build up their confidence, and HOW to get more female engineering mentors involved?

Renee

[pfreivald]

I guess we've been blessed with years and years of confident, bossy girls.

[Siri]

Originally Posted by pfreivald

I guess we've been blessed with years and years of confident, bossy girls.

(Agreed with Katie.) There's also a good deal of sample bias for many FRC teams: self-selection for this is usually to confident, bossy people--especially girls because it helps overcome the, at least statistically, negative stereotype both labeled on them externally and held internally.

In fact, we have the same confident girl phenomenon that you do, but the girls on the periphery and unfortunately the ones we've missed or lost completely were very definitely in line with this thread, more so than the boys (who tend to genuinely realize they just don't enjoy it). In fact, with gender-neutral recruiting, we've considered [completely unscientifically] that it isn't because most girls are more--or even generally equal--to guys in confidence and these other facets, but because the ones that are tend to be more mature.

Understandably but unfortunately, the overall population does not have the same concentration of self-assurance. If all these people--men and women--were following other dreams with full confidence and support, what a wonderful world we'd have. Given the research though, there's very strong evidence of external pressures steering away from that vision.

[pfreivald]

Originally Posted by Siri

(Agreed with Katie.) There's also a good deal of sample bias for many FRC teams:

And miniscule sample sizes. I have been asked repeatedly over the years how we attained and maintained a 30-50% female participation rate on a yearly basis -- and without having female mentors (we now have one; a former student) -- and my answer is always the same:

I don't know.

[JaneYoung]

Originally Posted by pfreivald

And miniscule sample sizes. I have been asked repeatedly over the years how we attained and maintained a 30-50% female participation rate on a yearly basis -- and without having female mentors (we now have one; a former student) -- and my answer is always the same:

I don't know.

Our answer to that is, "It just takes one." We've meant that with regard to one female student. I do know that, as a technical mentor, the world would be my oyster. As a non-technical mentor, I've had many graduating seniors thank me for being a role model, even though I'm tough. As a technical mentor, I think I would really be on the receiving end of gratitude and appreciation. But.. I can only imagine.

Jane

[ratdude747]

Originally Posted by Littleswimmer14

I think the HOW would be an excellent thing to talk about and brainstorm on.

In 2011 I experienced three different problems relating to Females getting involved with Engineering:

1. I had a student who felt that she had to fight harder then the boys on the team to have her voice be heard when discussing the 2011 robot design and who had no female engineering mentor on her team. She had a hard time feeling confident on the team.

2. I was talking with two girls who were doing a video project, and I asked them what they were majoring in (sadly I was already expecting them to say they wanted to major in communications or multi-media). One said they wanted to go into a medical field and one wanted to get involved with electrical engineering. When I asked what part of the team they were a part of they said the communications side.

3. I was talking to another mentor who had been trying to get females from a large engineering company to come in and talk to their students about being a women in STEM and they couldn't find ANY women who would be willing to take the time and talk with these girls.


Because of these experiences I felt that some ways of encouraging more girls to get involved with STEM could be:

A. Working to raise girls confidence levels when working with STEM

B. Encourage more female engineers to become involved with STEM


I haven't quite figured out HOW to create a program that works on raising girls confidence levels when working with STEM so if people have ideas on projects, programs, or events that focus on building that up, that would be great.


For encouraging more female engineers to become involved with STEM:

1. I've contacted the local College Chapter of Society of Women Engineers (SWE) and requested to have a breakout session at their Regional Conference in February 2013 to talk about FIRST.

2. For the conference I've been working on gathering video interviews of Female Engineering mentors and students in FIRST who are talking about WHY they mentor, and what they get out of it, and why other women should consider becoming a mentor to the program. I'm hoping that the video will allow me to actually show the members of SWE how important their mentoring could be and encourage them to get involved.

Video has been taken at champs for this, and I'm going to be at IRI working on this as well. PM me if you know anyone who should be interviewed and will be at IRI or would be interested in this.

3. Creating a marketing campaign to get more female judges from companies who support FIRST at regional events (This is in progress).


Does anyone have other ideas for HOW to encourage more girls to go into STEM, HOW to build up their confidence, and HOW to get more female engineering mentors involved?

Renee

IMHO you hit the nail on the head. Nice post.

[ManicMechanic]

Originally Posted by Littleswimmer14

Does anyone have other ideas for HOW to ... build up their confidence...?

Competence is the foundation of confidence, and when girls achieve a certain level of proficiency, it's much easier for them to be heard. Training in how to present ideas with concrete reasoning is a skill that will improve both their confidence and their effectiveness.

A person (guy or girl) who says, "I think a scissor lift would be more effective than a 6-bar this year, because the density of the objects in this year's game exacerbates the torque requirement of the longer 6-bar" will get more listeners than, "I think we should use a scissor lift." Someone who can present their idea with a CAD rendering, photo of another team's similar design, a built prototype of their mechanism using simple parts, or even a hand-drawn sketch also has an edge.

I've had girls who are very well-respected, because they were willing to do the work to get good. They came in humbly as learners, and after reaching a certain level of competence, they shared opinions, which were embraced and used. These girls have taken on heavily technical roles, like head programmer and builder.

Other girls came in as newbies with the attitude, "I'm as good as everyone else here, and we should all be treated as equals." Their ideas were ignored, and rather than saying, "I was ignored as a newcomer" they reported, "I was ignored because I'm a girl."

The LAST thing I want to give my girls is a sense of entitlement -- "We deserve to be listened to because we're girls." In these days and times, girls sometimes get passed over for being girls, but sometimes also get special treatment for the same, and getting in the habit of expecting that special treatment as a "given" does not serve anyone well.

P.S. Thanks, Katie, for starting this thread. I've really enjoyed it and hope my responses haven't been overly strident.

[Katie_UPS]

Originally Posted by pfreivald

I guess we've been blessed with years and years of confident, bossy girls.

Those are the girls that pave the way for other girls.
Those are also the girls we aren't as worried about, because they (and I) are what I have recently found out to be anomalies.

Originally Posted by ManicMechanic

The LAST thing I want to give my girls is a sense of entitlement -- "We deserve to be listened to because we're girls." In these days and times, girls sometimes get passed over for being girls, but sometimes also get special treatment for the same, and getting in the habit of expecting that special treatment as a "given" does not serve anyone well.

I have enjoyed every word of your post. Quoted for added emphasis.

[suzumebachi]

Originally Posted by Littleswimmer14

Because of these experiences I felt that some ways of encouraging more girls to get involved with STEM could be:

A. Working to raise girls confidence levels when working with STEM

B. Encourage more female engineers to become involved with STEM


I haven't quite figured out HOW to create a program that works on raising girls confidence levels when working with STEM so if people have ideas on projects, programs, or events that focus on building that up, that would be great.

Your entire post is beautiful. I dunno how else to say it.

Sorry for not having anything useful to contribute... all I can say is that I built confidence by taking over a dying section of my team (it was the Animation committee, not very engineer-y... but that's how I got into the team after all) and then becoming a leader through steps...

[Renee Becker-Blau]

If there is anyone interested in helping me encourage more female engineering mentors to get involved with STEM and will be at the 2012 IRI please see this thread:

http://www.chiefdelphi.com/forums/sh...16#post1178116

Thank you!

Renee

[Mikell Taylor]

A few points...

Yes, traditionally "feminine" women get a lot of flak, and yes, it doesn't surprise me to hear that young women can be turned off by feminine STEM role models. The women who have paved the way in STEM fields have often done so by becoming "one of the guys": jeans and cargo pants, ThinkGeek shirts, hoodies, duct tape wallets, etc. And that's all just fine. I did that myself for years. But when a manager at work pulled me aside at one point and suggested I start dressing more professionally to reflect the roles I'd taken on, and I thus started dressing in trousers, blouses, and heels, I was surprised at the comments I got from people -- always "joking", of course, but still negative and problematic in aggregate . "You don't look like an engineer!" "How can you be our cool geek girl if you're wearing pearls?" etc etc etc. So now that the stereotype of engineers is not just "geeky men in free Linux distro tshirts" but is moving toward "geeky men and women in free Linux distro tshirts", we've created a new stereotype that many young women who are traditionally feminine may not fit. On the other hand, the young women who are maybe attracted to STEM fields because they are the ThinkGeek shirt-wearing geeks will be turned off if suddenly all the STEM outreach for women changes to "Attractive feminine women in heels" -- that might be exactly the kind of girl they feel bullied or intimidated by in school, and the last thing they want to do is go into a field that is advertised as being for the same women they're trying to avoid. The problem is the extreme generalizations one way or another about young women and their interests, whether it's "they're not interested in STEM at all" or "they'll only be interested if it can be about sewing and lipstick". Surprise, women aren't all the same! And we need to find ways to attract *all* of them, not just a specific type. So there needs to be space for outreach to appeal to different types of women without criticism.

To address another point, from the perspective of someone who gets to be a (literal) poster child and role model for women in STEM, it's frankly exhausting. And I'm early in my career; I can't even imagine with the Marissa Mayer, Helen Greiner, etc types have had to deal with. It's an incredibly rewarding thing, to get to talk with younger students and get them excited about the things I'm passionate about, don't get me wrong. It's something I love to do. But when you're the go-to token Tech Woman, you start having to turn down offers because your day job (and FIRST!) keep you so busy, and not only that, you feel as though you're under a lot of scrutiny. Once you have a reputation as a Woman in Tech you start worrying about how your own decisions affect that. What if I get into project management and out of the day-to-day technical stuff, am I selling out and not being "STEM" enough? Is that too stereotypical of women? What if I move somewhere else because of my partner's job; am I going to disappoint people who expect me to be more focused on my career, even if I can find ways to keep it going in the new place? I'm still a few years away from starting a family, but I'm already panicking about what I'm "supposed" to do about maternity leave (and articles like this really don't help -- there doesn't seem to be any right answer that doesn't inspire judgement and criticism).

People were responding to another poster telling her not to worry or go crazy thinking about this stuff. But I completely understand her and I do it too. When you're so often the only woman available as a role model, you feel a lot of pressure to make sure you're doing it "right". And to those of us who didn't necessarily have female role models doing exactly what we wanted to do, we feel it is incumbent upon us to manage to show everyone else that "it" can be done, whatever "it" is for us -- having the high-profile job, being heavily involved in some other hobby or organization, being feminine while still being a well-respected engineer, successfully managing a family, whatever. Whether or not that's sane or reasonable to feel is beside the point; the point is that many of us DO feel this pressure and it's affecting what and how we're able to contribute to these outreach efforts.

So why can't you get female engineers to come mentor, to come speak, to come be role models? Because they're probably already doing it a whole lot, and whether it's because of schedule or because of feeling a little drained, they may just not be able to do it yet another weekend.

What's the solution? Well, if I knew that, I'd be a lot less stressed about this. But I wonder if maybe (perhaps paradoxically) the answer is to get *more* women, at the same time, in to mentor/speak/etc at the same time as multiple men. Make it incidental that there are female role models present; don't make it the focus. It takes pressure off them if they're not told PLEASE COME REPRESENT HALF THE POPULATION AND TELL OUR FEMALE STUDENTS HOW TO SUCCEED.

Have you ever noticed that half our judges at the Boston Regional are female? That's intentional. But we don't point it out. We don't make a big deal of it. We don't recruit judges of either sex, or of any ethnic or racial minority, or of any age, or of any particular occupation, saying "Please come be our token [whatever] judge!" We just put together a good, interesting group of people who represent different races, different sexes, different ages, different levels of nerdiness or femininity or fashion-consciousness, and different ways to engage with STEM in real life. And we let the students decide who among that group can be the most meaningful role model(s) for them, and hope that we've done a good thing to provide so many different kinds of inspiration.

I don't mean to denigrate the efforts of STEM outreach that focuses on female role models. I think that's good and that it can work. But people have pointed out where it doesn't seem to be working and the trouble they have finding women willing to help out, and I wanted to address some of the reasons I think that is the case.

[ManicMechanic]

Originally Posted by Mikell Taylor

People were responding to another poster telling her not to worry or go crazy thinking about this stuff. But I completely understand her and I do it too. When you're so often the only woman available as a role model, you feel a lot of pressure to make sure you're doing it "right". And to those of us who didn't necessarily have female role models doing exactly what we wanted to do, we feel it is incumbent upon us to manage to show everyone else that "it" can be done, whatever "it" is for us -- having the high-profile job, being heavily involved in some other hobby or organization, being feminine while still being a well-respected engineer, successfully managing a family, whatever. Whether or not that's sane or reasonable to feel is beside the point; the point is that many of us DO feel this pressure and it's affecting what and how we're able to contribute to these outreach efforts.

There are a lot of complex & nuanced factors that contribute to this kind if pressure. The pressure is real, but I think it can be kept manageable if a few guiding principles are kept in mind.

1. Appearance (not just clothing, but the whole persona) matters, especially in certain jobs (e.g. PR), but every job has a range/continuum of acceptability. If we pick the most comfortable place (suitable to our talents and temperament) along that continuum, we'll reduce the stress. If there's no place on that continuum that's suitable, perhaps we're in the wrong job or volunteer position (one reason I've never aspired to become a politician).

2. Appearance matters some, but it's not everything (how often we say this, but do we really believe it?). When I was in academic research, I tended to dress Bohemian, as I was surrounded by research profs and grad students who were similarly wardrobe-challenged. A medical school intern at the lab had teased me on my worn and torn garb, but it must not have mattered much because he later 1) spoke favorably of my technical skills to someone else, and 2) asked me out :-)

3. No matter what we do or say, we will please some people and disappoint others. Rather than carrying the weight of that disappointment, if we chalk it up to a normal part of being human, we'll sleep better. Strategically prioritizing and choosing who to cater to/disappoint also helps. For example, as a jr. college instructor, I have students who like to chit-chat and text, and others who like a quiet learning environment. I can't satisfy both of those groups at once, so I have chosen to have a no talking/no electronic device policy that I enforce. It means that I have enemies, but also some extremely loyal students who appreciate the more professional climate. (My attire these days is also more "school-marm" than Bohemian, to bolster my credibility/authority.)

4. We tend to be our own worst critics. Really.

The most inspiring role models are those who do something well and love what they do. While every job (paid or unpaid) will have frustrations, if there's no joy at all, perhaps it's time to pull back and/or re-evaluate. Yesterday, a friend expressed that after 10 years of a high-prestige job that she initially enjoyed, the only part she now likes is the paycheck. Thankfully, she's taking steps to move to something that has already "grabbed her heart," and her ability to be a positive influence will be enhanced by that passion. Burn-out doesn't help us or others, so it's good to find levels that are sustainable, even if it means sometimes saying "no" to an opportunity to present or mentor.

After 30+ years in STEM, I'm still lovin' it. The joy of creating/discovering something cool has evolved into different forms over the years, but it's still there, and no opinion of others can take away that joy. I'd like to think that there's some appeal in that for other women who might follow in my wake.

[Mc Kenna]

Originally Posted by Mikell Taylor

A few points...

Yes, traditionally "feminine" women get a lot of flak, and yes, it doesn't surprise me to hear that young women can be turned off by feminine STEM role models. The women who have paved the way in STEM fields have often done so by becoming "one of the guys": jeans and cargo pants, ThinkGeek shirts, hoodies, duct tape wallets, etc. And that's all just fine. I did that myself for years. But when a manager at work pulled me aside at one point and suggested I start dressing more professionally to reflect the roles I'd taken on, and I thus started dressing in trousers, blouses, and heels, I was surprised at the comments I got from people -- always "joking", of course, but still negative and problematic in aggregate . "You don't look like an engineer!" "How can you be our cool geek girl if you're wearing pearls?" etc etc etc. So now that the stereotype of engineers is not just "geeky men in free Linux distro tshirts" but is moving toward "geeky men and women in free Linux distro tshirts", we've created a new stereotype that many young women who are traditionally feminine may not fit. On the other hand, the young women who are maybe attracted to STEM fields because they are the ThinkGeek shirt-wearing geeks will be turned off if suddenly all the STEM outreach for women changes to "Attractive feminine women in heels" -- that might be exactly the kind of girl they feel bullied or intimidated by in school, and the last thing they want to do is go into a field that is advertised as being for the same women they're trying to avoid. The problem is the extreme generalizations one way or another about young women and their interests, whether it's "they're not interested in STEM at all" or "they'll only be interested if it can be about sewing and lipstick". Surprise, women aren't all the same! And we need to find ways to attract *all* of them, not just a specific type. So there needs to be space for outreach to appeal to different types of women without criticism.

To address another point, from the perspective of someone who gets to be a (literal) poster child and role model for women in STEM, it's frankly exhausting. And I'm early in my career; I can't even imagine with the Marissa Mayer, Helen Greiner, etc types have had to deal with. It's an incredibly rewarding thing, to get to talk with younger students and get them excited about the things I'm passionate about, don't get me wrong. It's something I love to do. But when you're the go-to token Tech Woman, you start having to turn down offers because your day job (and FIRST!) keep you so busy, and not only that, you feel as though you're under a lot of scrutiny. Once you have a reputation as a Woman in Tech you start worrying about how your own decisions affect that. What if I get into project management and out of the day-to-day technical stuff, am I selling out and not being "STEM" enough? Is that too stereotypical of women? What if I move somewhere else because of my partner's job; am I going to disappoint people who expect me to be more focused on my career, even if I can find ways to keep it going in the new place? I'm still a few years away from starting a family, but I'm already panicking about what I'm "supposed" to do about maternity leave (and articles like this really don't help -- there doesn't seem to be any right answer that doesn't inspire judgement and criticism).

People were responding to another poster telling her not to worry or go crazy thinking about this stuff. But I completely understand her and I do it too. When you're so often the only woman available as a role model, you feel a lot of pressure to make sure you're doing it "right". And to those of us who didn't necessarily have female role models doing exactly what we wanted to do, we feel it is incumbent upon us to manage to show everyone else that "it" can be done, whatever "it" is for us -- having the high-profile job, being heavily involved in some other hobby or organization, being feminine while still being a well-respected engineer, successfully managing a family, whatever. Whether or not that's sane or reasonable to feel is beside the point; the point is that many of us DO feel this pressure and it's affecting what and how we're able to contribute to these outreach efforts.

So why can't you get female engineers to come mentor, to come speak, to come be role models? Because they're probably already doing it a whole lot, and whether it's because of schedule or because of feeling a little drained, they may just not be able to do it yet another weekend.

What's the solution? Well, if I knew that, I'd be a lot less stressed about this. But I wonder if maybe (perhaps paradoxically) the answer is to get *more* women, at the same time, in to mentor/speak/etc at the same time as multiple men. Make it incidental that there are female role models present; don't make it the focus. It takes pressure off them if they're not told PLEASE COME REPRESENT HALF THE POPULATION AND TELL OUR FEMALE STUDENTS HOW TO SUCCEED.

Have you ever noticed that half our judges at the Boston Regional are female? That's intentional. But we don't point it out. We don't make a big deal of it. We don't recruit judges of either sex, or of any ethnic or racial minority, or of any age, or of any particular occupation, saying "Please come be our token [whatever] judge!" We just put together a good, interesting group of people who represent different races, different sexes, different ages, different levels of nerdiness or femininity or fashion-consciousness, and different ways to engage with STEM in real life. And we let the students decide who among that group can be the most meaningful role model(s) for them, and hope that we've done a good thing to provide so many different kinds of inspiration.

I don't mean to denigrate the efforts of STEM outreach that focuses on female role models. I think that's good and that it can work. But people have pointed out where it doesn't seem to be working and the trouble they have finding women willing to help out, and I wanted to address some of the reasons I think that is the case.

I love robotics; even though I’m not and engineer I have stayed involved with FIRST currently mentor two teams 254 and 1868 and work with more than a few others. However robotics isn’t the only thing I love, I love my horses and working out and clothes and most importantly of all I adore shoes. For those who don’t know me because I’m the only female mentor for 254, they might because I’m the one who runs around in high heels all the time. More than once I have had my abilities to be a good mentor questioned solely because of how I looked. I’m still baffled that in our current pop culture jeans and heels is even worth noting or commenting on in terms of fashion.

I have to question what is wrong with our girls if the fact that I have on heels and make up is enough to make some girl not be an engineer (if that is what she loves). Why don’t we focus more on teaching our children that you get to be exactly who you want to be and if that means you never put on make-up great! And if you love it wear it! But I worry about this generation of girls and the ones to come if something as stupid as my fashion choices render them unable to stand up for something they want. . . it just seems like there is a bigger problem than fashion.

That said as a side note (and I’m sure some of this is the team I mentor and it’s reputation we are trying to fix) but the women of FIRST with very few notable exceptions have not been welcoming and more than a few have suggested I cannot be a good role model for STEM and be who I am. Fortunately for me, lack of confidence has never been my problem so I have the ability to laugh and go congratulate my students on their successes. That said there has been more than one time where I have legitimately almost said “%*# I’m out” because if I hear one more comment about being pretty or girlie or what ever making me a bad role model I was going to break something. But if we as a group are going to be this unwelcoming to new women and try to run them out because of fashion no wonder there are not many female mentors in FIRST and no wonder our girls have such a hard time accepting some one other than the cookie cutter “nerd girl” who is too smart to care about how she looks.