Parent/Mentor/Coach Issues

[Ed Law]

I can probably offer some suggestions since there had been quite a few problems with parents in the past especially in the first 2 years.

The most important thing is communication ahead of time. Before students join the team, I have an information meeting with all the parents. I explain how drive team members are selected, how team captains are selected, the requirements to earn varsity letter, what jobs students can do during build season and how positions are assigned by the coach (me) at the competitions. I also have a 10-15 miinute interview with each student and their parents in the fall to better understand individual needs and concerns.

I always model our team like a sports team in our school. If parents decide who plays what position on a football team, I will let that happen also. If parents decide what the strategy should be in the second half of a basketball game, I will allow the same. If parents decide who will be team captains on other sport teams in school, I will also follow. If parents come down during a sports game to the sidelines and offer suggestions to the coach, I will let them come to the pit and tell me how they want the robot fixed.

I have had parents who wants everybody on the team to rotate to be driver and I should not be overly concern about winning. I have had parents who did not attend the information meeting or read the meeting minutes or emails explaining the requirement to get a varsity letter and then accuse me of being bias when he found out his son did not get a varsity letter and others did. It boils down to they only care about what their son/daughter gets and not for the benefit or long term sustainability of the team. They always want exceptions because they think their child is special.

I had a long conversation with the school's athletic director. I learned that coaches of all sport teams in our school face similar issues with parents. He gave me some very good advice. He said as long as my decisions are for the benefit of the team and I have the long term benefit of the students in mind, I don't have to give in to what the parents want and the school will back me up if parents complain. He also said communications ahead of time of expectations is important.

I make the final decisions on everything for the team but I listen to the opinion of the assistant coach, other mentors, team captains, other students and the team manager who is a parent. I looked at the strong teams in Michigan and every one of them have a strong leader. In most cases a successful team cannot be run by a committee. Decisions have to be made quickly and consistently and without hidden agenda during the build season. Some people call me a dictator. My answer is always to tell them politely to start their own team and run it the way they want if they think they can do a better job.

My most important job is to ensure a sustainable program so students will continue to be benefited by FIRST programs in the school district. However I do recognize the importance of working closely with parents. They are partners and can be a tremendous resource to the team. I have been very fortunate in the last two years having very supportive parents on the team.

If you have specific situations and would like advice, you can PM me.

[mathking]

Originally Posted by Ed Law

I can probably offer some suggestions since there had been quite a few problems with parents in the past especially in the first 2 years.

The most important thing is communication ahead of time. Before students join the team, I have an information meeting with all the parents. I explain how drive team members are selected, how team captains are selected, the requirements to earn varsity letter, what jobs students can do during build season and how positions are assigned by the coach (me) at the competitions. I also have a 10-15 miinute interview with each student and their parents in the fall to better understand individual needs and concerns.

I always model our team like a sports team in our school. If parents decide who plays what position on a football team, I will let that happen also. If parents decide what the strategy should be in the second half of a basketball game, I will allow the same. If parents decide who will be team captains on other sport teams in school, I will also follow. If parents come down during a sports game to the sidelines and offer suggestions to the coach, I will let them come to the pit and tell me how they want the robot fixed.

I have had parents who wants everybody on the team to rotate to be driver and I should not be overly concern about winning. I have had parents who did not attend the information meeting or read the meeting minutes or emails explaining the requirement to get a varsity letter and then accuse me of being bias when he found out his son did not get a varsity letter and others did. It boils down to they only care about what their son/daughter gets and not for the benefit or long term sustainability of the team. They always want exceptions because they think their child is special.

I had a long conversation with the school's athletic director. I learned that coaches of all sport teams in our school face similar issues with parents. He gave me some very good advice. He said as long as my decisions are for the benefit of the team and I have the long term benefit of the students in mind, I don't have to give in to what the parents want and the school will back me up if parents complain. He also said communications ahead of time of expectations is important.

I make the final decisions on everything for the team but I listen to the opinion of the assistant coach, other mentors, team captains, other students and the team manager who is a parent. I looked at the strong teams in Michigan and every one of them have a strong leader. In most cases a successful team cannot be run by a committee. Decisions have to be made quickly and consistently and without hidden agenda during the build season. Some people call me a dictator. My answer is always to tell them politely to start their own team and run it the way they want if they think they can do a better job.

My most important job is to ensure a sustainable program so students will continue to be benefited by FIRST programs in the school district. However I do recognize the importance of working closely with parents. They are partners and can be a tremendous resource to the team. I have been very fortunate in the last two years having very supportive parents on the team.

If you have specific situations and would like advice, you can PM me.

This is excellent advice. It may not help in the OP's current (after the fact) situation, but it might help that team and others in the future. I was already an experienced sports coach when I started coaching FRC, so I knew some of this already. But every sport is different. When I coached basketball and soccer I sometimes had issues like those in FRC with how positions are earned by students. When I coach track and CC things are a bit easier, as it is fairly easy to point to times and marks to explain why one kids is jumping and another is not at a particular meet.

The key through all of it, as Ed said, is to try to be clear up front. It is also important to give people a chance to try different roles. While we have tryouts for the drive team, most other roles are earned by those who show up and do the work. Every year at competition we end up with someone who just starts to shine at competition. So we give everyone who wants it a chance to man the pits. Most of the team takes part in scouting. Everyone helps with load in and load out. Fixing the robot is done by whichever component team is involved in the repairs. We do make it clear to kids that at competition we are looking the next group of leaders to emerge.

So back to the point at hand. How to handle disputes on the team. I think the best advice has been given by several posters. The parent talking to the mentor about concerns is fine, but having students address it is generally better for the team dynamic. Another possibility instead of complaining about how things are is suggesting possible solutions and offering help in implementing them. This is good advice for anyone. I know that when someone comes to me and says "X is a problem. I think Y is a potential solution. How can I help make Y happen." I am much more likely to react positively than if someone just says "X is a problem."

I have certainly had my share of trying interactions with parents. I try to always put myself in the parent's shoes, and wonder what I would do if it were my child with the problem. I have also had plenty of trying interactions with students and mentors. I am sure that there are students and mentors who feel they have had trying interactions with me. That is part of being a member of any team or organization. Learning how to deal respectfully with others is a really important skill to develop.

[Bob Steele]

Ed
Those are great comments... having been a sports coach for many years AND a Robotics coach for the past decade or so... its not much different.

Usually, parents who don't really know how the organization is laid out generally are the ones that complain. They are misinformed and say things that are not based on any depth of knowledge about the situation.

Whenever I have an individual who complains too much I invite them to a parent meeting and there (if they come at all..) I ask them to head up the committee to try and find a better way to achieve a solution for the issue that they have complained about. On rare occasions, they will take the challenge and we will get a better solution. Normally they won't have time to help in that way.

If you don't like something ... become part of the solution.... or find out why your solution is not the best one for the team...

Usually complainers only want to invest the time it takes them to complain in a problem.

Thanks for such a good comment Ed!!