Parent/Mentor/Coach Issues

[JohnBoucher]

Do you have a team handbook? The process of creating one and defining the roles and expectations of the students will make a lot of problems go away. Get everyone involved in the process, students, parents and mentors. Incorporate as many suggestions from the parents as you can. When there is a disagreement, explain to them what is in the best interest of the team. The handbook is a living document that will change from year to year. Take time in the off season to work on it.

All our students must fill out a team application each year. On the application both the students and parents must acknowledge that they have read and will abide by the team rules and regulations in the handbook. The application is distributed as the last page of the handbook, so no one can say that they did not receive it.

[RoboMom]

John's advice is right on. Having a Handbook is a goal that all teams should be working towards.

They come in all types. I have started and stopped and started and stopped over the past 3 years doing a review of great team handbooks and highlighting different ones that have done a good job at certain sections. I hope to pick this back up, but life keeps getting in the way.

There are quite a few that have contracts and expectations laid out for parents. I talked about this some during workshops here in Maryland (and at World Championship last year). Presentation posted here: http://www.firstnemo.org/resources.htm on "Parent Involvement". Also, do a search for Handbooks in the white papers here on cd or just google the words "handbook + FIRST."

I got sucked into FRC more than a decade ago as "just a parent" on a team, and I'm still hanging around causing trouble.

[Kims Robot]

Originally Posted by HoltDan

Shortly after our regional, one of the parents got upset about how student duties/assignments/etc. were managed at the tournament.

Dan,
There is a lot of great advice here about how to prepare for next year and how to hopefully do your best to avoid this in the future, so I won't reiiterate that.

Instead I have a few ideas for dealing with the situation as it currently stands.

Unfortunately it is the case that you (or any leader) will NEVER make everyone happy. But the first thing you should do is sit down and assess the exact situation. It sounds like you are admitting that things were a bit disorganized. Think about the actual student's role and try to put yourself in their shoes. What might they be upset about? Is it a logical upset? or a completely emotional thing? Next put yourself in the parent's shoes. As FIRST_Parent mentions here... parents want to see their children succeed and grow. They get upset when they feel you were unfair to their child. Its a natural thing - any of us would feel that way as a parent.

Now their reaction may not have been the best. Consider when the reaction happened. Was it at the Regional? Immediately following the Regional? Often emotions are crazy high, and without some good (ie winning your way to champs, or winning a big award), people can often focus on the bad. It sounds like that is what is happening here. The student felt left out or like they didn't get the role that they wanted, and the parent is reacting.

So how do you best diffuse the situation? Well the first most important part is to "talk them down". Basically you want to see if you can have a calm conversation with them about the reality of the situation. Hear them out and let them explain their side. Admit where you/the leaders probably made mistakes, and don't be defensive, but let them know that the team & the leaders are all still learning as this is only your second year.

I faced a number of parent situations across my times of running teams, and especially early on, I failed plenty of times and I would usually try and tell the parents that I had done my best, but that I am only human, and only a volunteer and I make mistakes too. But that I would do my best to make sure that things were set right next year. And that's the second half of your conversation. Tell them that you are looking into ways to hopefully be better organized next year, and to better assign roles (assuming you actually mean this - NEVER promise that and then not follow through). And if you think you can work with this parent, perhaps even request their help. I had a parent complain the first year, but then I got her to lead a team of students to write our student handbook the second year. Sometimes people that are passionate just don't know how to fix the problem... sometimes they just want to complain and have someone else fix it. You will have to figure that one out with this particular parent.

Then... set in motion change for next year. Take everything you've learned and all the ideas/comments here and come up with a plan that works for you & the team for next year.

But above all, very similar to what Ed said, you need to accept that you will never make everyone happy. You should try your hardest to get organized and learn from any mistakes or issues, but realize no matter how hard you work, there will always be some parent with a gripe... your goal is just to minimize those as much as possible by doing your best to communicate up front.