Best Joke Ever

[MissInformation]

Okay, so I like the bar jokes, here's another one:


A Neutron walked into a bar and asks the bartender "How much for a beer?"
The bartender looks at him and replies "For you, no charge!"

[Amanda Morrison]

I've got a great one, albeit an old one:

Q: Have you heard about that new pirate movie?

A: It's rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Sorry. I love lame jokes. =)

[dlavery]

Best joke ever: OUR ROBOT!!!!

[Jonathan M.]

Hmm I got a good one.

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?

A: To get to the chicken!

Okay so that was tastless but it's not that bad.
heheh..

[FotoPlasma]

Originally posted by dlavery
Best joke ever: OUR ROBOT!!!!

I would have said the same thing about our robot, but there was a requirement that it had to be a clean joke. Our robot's nowhere near clean...

Oh. My hair. A horrible horrible joke.

[utishpenguin]

Originally posted by FotoPlasma
I would have said the same thing about our robot, but there was a requirement that it had to be a clean joke. Our robot's nowhere near clean...

Oh. My hair. A horrible horrible joke.

boys locker room..... another palce isn't that clean .......ugh it smells

[John Bono]

Grr... couldn't find it online, so I have to type it all out.
A long time ago, in a small Chinese village, three Monks, presumably banished from thier monastery, showed up. To make ends meet, they went into the plant business.
It was the week of their grand opening, when a father was pushing his baby's stroller down an aisle. He took his eyes off her for just a minute, and when he returned his attention, she was gone--and was never found again.
A town meeting was called, where a few rather angry friends of the baby's family denounced the friars. Everyone mumbled with a slight agreement to this fact (well, except for Hugh--but he was a quiet guy), but there wasn't enough anger in the town for such a harsh punishment. They had invested a large amount of money into thier business, after all.
The next week, a mother was walking donw the aisle along side her son, who got distracted, and wandered off. The last thing she saw was a vine reaching out and pulling her child towards it. The young boy was never seen again.
The town was enraged now, as this was the second incident of a missing child. Over half the town called for the Friars to be banished--and the rest called for heavy punishment (well, except for Hugh, of course), but the firars refused to leave, explaining that they were not at fault for the missing children, and the mother of the boy must've been seeing things. They continued to practice thier trade...
One of the few remaining customers wandered down the aisles, her baby girl in her arms. Suddenly, a potted plant uprooted before her eyes, snatched the baby out of her arms, and swallowed it in one gulp.
The town was in an uproar--an almost unanimous agreement that they should be banished from the town. "Ha, you can't make us leave!" one of the Friars replied.
Just then, Hugh stood from his chair at the back of the town square. "Leave," he spoke quietly.
The friars immediately ran to thier shop, gathered whatever they could carry, and fled town.
The moral of this story: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.





Runner up joke (my dad made this one up):
If you had a clone, and all he did was speak curse words...
and you pushed him off a building, would you be charged with murder, or just making an obscene clone fall?

[Da SPAMinatress]

I've got a few jokes that I've heard recently, i'm not saying there good... but, they made ME laugh:

There's a big party one night, and all the functions are there. They're all having a great time, singing and dancing and conversing with one another. One of the functions notices e^x sitting in the corner all by himself. The function shouts over "hey, e^x, come on, integrate yourself!" while pointing to the other group of functions. "What for?" asks e^x, "It makes no difference!"


The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the class, "You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod..."


Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.
One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"

[utishpenguin]

what do you do with a dead chemist?

barium

[Brandon Martus]

Originally posted by John Bono
an obscene clone fall?

bahahah .. thats the best ..

[Harrison]

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens weren't invented yet.

(That is courtesy of my 9 year old brother....)

[utishpenguin]

Originally posted by Harrison
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens weren't invented yet.

(That is courtesy of my 9 year old brother....)

cute!

[narenr]

Courtesy of some contestant on Jeopardy:

So did you hear about the guy writing a book of poems in binary?

"No"

Oh, don't worry, there wasn't a single one in it.

[Lauren Hafford]

Okay, so this one's a bit borderline ...
There was this mother and her son, and the mother was having an affair. Her son, unbeknownst to her, would hide in the closet during these 'interludes'. One day, the boy's father came home from work early, and the mother shoved her lover into the closet, not knowing that her son was in that closet.
The boy says to the man, "It's dark in here." The man says, "Yep" The boy says, "I have a baseball glove" The man, nervous that the woman's husband will hear, says, "That's great...shh!" The boy says, "Wanna buy it?" Eager to shut the boy up, the man says, "Sure, how much?" "$500" "Fine, just shut up!"
In about a week, the same situation happened. The boy said, "It's dark in here" The man sighs and says, "Yep." The boy says, "Wanna buy a baseball for $500?" "FINE! shut up, okay?"
In another week, the dad asks the boy if he wants to play catch, and the boy says that he sold his glove and ball. The dad asks how much he sold them for, and the son replies "$1000." He exclaims, "How could you take advantage of people like that?? Go to the priest and confess this instant!!"
So the boy goes inside the booth, and says, "It's dark in here!"
The priest says, "Darn it, don't start that again!!"


lauren

[Matt Attallah]

(Nice Joke, Lauren)

Look at that and don't laugh!