How to deal with unwelcoming Teammates

[djdj_888]

I'm a relatively new team member and I had the luxury of having lots of friends already in the robotics program but, sadly not everyone has this luxury. Let me get to the point a new member recently joined the team and another relatively new team member is acting like a complete douche to the new member. One example was when the latter tried lying to the the former about a build meeting that's happening for our team on Saturday. I called him out on that and the latter said "I don't want him there." That really aggravated me and I decided to let our Team Lead Mentor know tomorrow and tell him to pair the two together during the Saturday build. How would you guys deal with a situation like that? Was it a good move or a bad move what I did?

Sorry if I posted this in the wrong section. Move the thread if I did it wrong.

[sportzkrazzy]

Calling the person names in an online forum is pretty much stooping to his level. I think your on the right track in letting your mentors know. Robotics should be a place where everyone is welcome. Some people just don't get along but that wont change when you get to the real world ether. You will have to learn to work with these people so you might as well get used to it now. The biggest thing is that you make sure that none of the students are getting bullied and are all aloud to participate. I can tell your minds in the right place just remember not to lose your own morals just because someone makes you mad. If you do that they are winning..

Food for thought

[GeeTwo]

Absolutely some action was necessary. This sort of activity is poison in any group dynamic, and the particular case of FIRST, it is the exact opposite of Gracious Professionalism. Unless your team has specific protocols to deal with this situation (e.g., take it to your department lead), or the offender respects you well enough that you can provide a gentle verbal readjustment, your response was spot on.

[djdj_888]

Originally Posted by sportzkrazzy

Calling the person names in an online forum is pretty much stooping to his level. I think your on the right track in letting your mentors know. Robotics should be a place where everyone is welcome. Some people just don't get along but that wont change when you get to the real world ether. You will have to learn to work with these people so you might as well get used to it now. The biggest thing is that you make sure that none of the students are getting bullied and are all aloud to participate. I can tell your minds in the right place just remember not to lose your own morals just because someone makes you mad. If you do that they are winning..

Food for thought

Yea it's a pretty bad habit of mine to have some blunt language. This is kinda tame compared to when i'm actually really annoyed. That is one new years resolution that I have on my list. Hard to accomplish though (You could say I was raised to be cruely honest haha). But I admit that maybe that one remark was uneccessary. Thank you!

[sportzkrazzy]

Originally Posted by djdj_888

Yea it's a pretty bad habit of mine to have some blunt language. This is kinda tame compared to when i'm actually really annoyed. That is one new years resolution that I have on my list. Hard to accomplish though (You could say I was raised to be cruely honest haha). But I admit that maybe that one remark was uneccessary. Thank you!

Np we all get mad sometimes =)

[bam-bam]

That just sounds like an angry stew of.... something angry waiting to boil over. I would be very against it.

First of all, it's a wonderful thing to see that you have this concern and it seems like you want to put a stop to this quickly. Good on you for not letting this pass by.

Joining something completely new can be a scary thing, especially at a rather volatile time in life. I've experienced it before, and it can be difficult. The one thing that helped me through it a quite a bit was that someone always reached out for me and tried to include me with the group. You may not end up being the closest of friends, but at the very least your member can feel accepted by the team, even it is just for a bit.

As for your other member, I really can't give any advice. People are just... people, and a lot of times you'll just have to take the bad with the good. Hopefully, your member will mellow out a little more as the season progresses. If things get much more serious, then let your mentors know. Us users are not psychologists, counselors, nor mentors/students on the team on top of not knowing your situation at all.

[Chief Hedgehog]

No matter what team you are a part of (now or in the future) there will be people that just don't get along. This is the reason for teams in FRC - to work together towards a common goal no matter the characters on the team.

The great thing about a well organized FRC team is that there is always a place for everyone. That being said, I have no idea of your team structure or how large your team is. IF it is a large team, it will be easier to separate the warring parties. If it is a small team, place each person on a project that has different objectives.

I would not place two people together that do not care for one another. If you do, you are asking for fireworks that are unnecessary. Rather, place the two parties into different teams or squads so that have little interaction with each other. Hopefully over time the both can see the value in each other for the overall success of the team.

Just note - the larger your team grows you will have to deal with more and more combative personalities. It is paramount that you find a way to confront the issue early and come to some sort of agreement.

Good luck!

[asid61]

We have had some difficult members. We had a very prominent member a few years ago who was terrifying to those who were not used to getting yelled at... some bad things happened that never really blew over when they left.
I have friends who don't like other friends in robotics. One of my friends tends to swear a lot, and this offends one of my other friends. They just rub each other the wrong way. Generally I just try to be friendly to both and hope they respect me enough to not yell at each other. This has worked for me; they tend to avoid each other (which is not the optimal solution by any means, but if you knew these people you would understand why it has to be like that) which works out as they tend to work in different areas anyway. Plus, all sides vent their issues with each other on me, allowing me to defuse it before it boils over.
I am interested in seeing how this turns out. The solution could be a very good learning experience in case I have to deal with any situations like this in the future. Please update on how it goes.

[philso]

Originally Posted by djdj_888

the latter said "I don't want him there."

Perhaps a good starting point may be for your Team Lead Mentor to speak with the second team member, in private, and ask why he or she "does not want the first team member there". Depending on the response, they may also want to ask if there are other team members he or she doesn't want there and why. This may then lead to some self examination. The mentor can also ask what the second team member can do to so that the first team member (or any other team member) can co-exist on the same team.

Part of growing up is getting ready for adult life. There are likely to be co-workers (or even family members) who have bad chemistry or rub you the wrong way. Unfortunately, most of us do not get to choose our co-workers or family members so we need to learn to get along or at least minimize the conflict so that we can all make progress toward our common goals.

[Jon Stratis]

Situations like this should be approached from two directions simultaneously.

First, work within the team as a whole to create an accepting atmosphere and culture. This is really a long term action item that never goes away. Don't put "jerks" in leadership positions. Have your leaders make a show of being inclusive - it's with everything we have to do during a season, it's rather easy to grab someone new and say "your helping me with this today". Have the occasional discussion about teamwork and the importance of everyone working on the team. Have team building activities away from the shop. All of this can help you create the proper atmosphere.

Second, approach it directly with any offending parties. Have a mentor or Teacher talk to them, figure out what's going on, and make behavior expectations clear. From the outside, it looks like one guy is being a jerk towards another. But for all you know there may be a good reason behind his feelings. Maybe the second guy ran over his cat, or they used to be best friends and had a falling out over a girl... Who knows. It's not just about telling the first guy to knock it off... You need to take the time to understand the root of the issue and help both parties deal with it in a productive way.

Finally, I will just add... Don't force them together until you figure out what's really going on. It can lead to fireworks and more hurt feelings, and ultimately disrupt the team. Don't treat them any different than anyone else, but there's a lot to be done on a robot, and it's easy to have them working on different things.

[HelloRobot]

Originally Posted by Chief Hedgehog

The great thing about a well organized FRC team is that there is always a place for everyone. That being said, I have no idea of your team structure or how large your team is. IF it is a large team, it will be easier to separate the warring parties. If it is a small team, place each person on a project that has different objectives.

I completely agree with Chief Hedgehog. Chances are, your team will have those two that can't get along. Your best bet would be keeping them separated or at least working on different tasks.

I remember one time, I had these two friends who really didn't like each other. But, they tolerated (or, at least tried to) each other whenever I was around. So it didn't eliminate the problem, but it helped. And it worked out on its own; their feud wasn't bad enough to get mentors involved. Sometimes waiting it out works, but if it turns bad, mentors should definitely get involved. Good luck!

Edit: I also agree with Mr. Stratis. DEFINITELY don't force them to work together if it will most likely go wrong. Maybe give them a "buddy" that's not each other. Team members typically have their own "cliques" of friends (however inclusive or exclusive), so they could theoretically fit into different groups. Again, good luck!

[JamesCH95]

Without specifics as to why one team member doesn't like the other it's hard to make a solid suggestion.

However, I will point this out: sometimes the team needs the student, and other times the student needs the team.

I have watched annoying, aggravating, nearly intolerable students turn into friendly, productive, great team members. Sometimes it happens quickly, other times it takes years, but I virtually always see improvements in students who stick with it. This is why we, on 95, make an effort to bond as a team and be as inclusive as possible. We are a very small team (about 10 active students this year) so we can't afford conflict.

I strongly believe in treating students like adult professionals, and this includes working together effectively despite personal differences.

Sometimes I will team two or more students who don't always get along to work on a project. Usually this helps the students get over their differences because they realize they're working towards a common goal and they have to work together to get there. If it doesn't, they sit down with a coach and talk out how to deal with the situation. Communication is key to solving these sorts of issues, not separation.

[MrJohnston]

Originally Posted by JamesCH95

Without specifics as to why one team member doesn't like the other it's hard to make a solid suggestion.

However, I will point this out: sometimes the team needs the student, and other times the student needs the team.

I have watched annoying, aggravating, nearly intolerable students turn into friendly, productive, great team members. Sometimes it happens quickly, other times it takes years, but I virtually always see improvements in students who stick with it. This is why we, on 95, make an effort to bond as a team and be as inclusive as possible. We are a very small team (about 10 active students this year) so we can't afford conflict.

I strongly believe in treating students like adult professionals, and this includes working together effectively despite personal differences.

Sometimes I will team two or more students who don't always get along to work on a project. Usually this helps the students get over their differences because they realize they're working towards a common goal and they have to work together to get there. If it doesn't, they sit down with a coach and talk out how to deal with the situation. Communication is key to solving these sorts of issues, not separation.

I agree with this completely. We have a really large team - some years well over 100 kids. Therefore we have some sort of student-to-student conflict every year. The above approach is essentially what I do - and it nearly always works.

[Libby K]

Something I cannot possibly stress enough is that this is something your mentors should be dealing with, not another student.

You've mentioned reporting it to your mentor, that was the way to go.

It's now up to the adults on your team to get to the root of the issue via discussion with the students and create a solution that works well for the team as a whole. It is not your job anymore, especially as an equally new member of the team.

I'm saying this as a student who was the only leader on her team for the first three years of its existence. Not fun - we needed adults for sure. It should not have been my responsibility to sort out personal things between other students - but we didn't have any mentors, at all - so it was. It put a great deal of strain on my personal friendships, and while I certainly learned a lot about conflict resolution and how to approach situations like this, I definitely don't recommend it for any student. There may also be forces at play in these situations that it's not appropriate for another high school student to be privy to.

Let the adults handle it now. As a student, your job is to help continue a culture of acceptance, learning, friendship, and mutual respect for each other. Keep on doing that.

[TedG]

I agree with what's been said here, the main points are that someone brings that type of behavior to a mentor's attention, especially the lead mentor.
It shouldn't have to get beyond that for something to be done.

In our team (as I suspect most others do too) we have a ZERO tolerance for bullying and discrimination!
We make that very clear at information meetings as well as before going to competitions.

I have actually needed to pull someone aside and speak to them about this type of behavior, and the problem didn't happen again, and the team noticed.

Bullying and mean people really burn my.. I just don't put up with it.

Good for you for stepping up and mentioning it to a mentor.