What does Gracious Professionalism mean in the context of mentoring?

[mathking]

I have been reading a number of threads on CD lately that have made me stop and think about this. I have also been involved in some situations in FRC competition, FLL competition and in track and field in the past year that have made me think about it some. I keep coming back to one central idea, when you become a mentor you are accepting the responsibility of being a role model for kids. Part of that means striving to maintain grace and professionalism.

That doesn't mean you don't get angry. It doesn't mean that you don't show emotion. It doesn't mean you don't complain when you have legitimate grievances, even when others may not find those grievances legitimate. And it doesn't mean you will always exhibit perfect behavior, though you should strive for that. A big part of being professional means being self-critical. You need to step back sometimes and ask yourself "Did I just do the right thing?" When the answer is no, graciousness demands that you apologize and try to correct what went wrong.

There are going to be times where people do not agree on what is the best course of action in a given situation. That is fine. Ascribing malevolent motives to someone who has a different view of the right thing to do and who is trying to do that is a pretty slippery slope. Remember, when you think that other person is dead wrong, they may be thinking the same thing about you. As several people in several recent threads have posted, it takes a lot longer to earn respect than it takes to lose it.

Many of us have competitive fire burning inside. And that is fine. It is better than fine. It is a good motivator. The problems generally arise when competitiveness leads you to exhibit behavior you aren't proud of. I have been upset at losing and happy for winning many times in a career with a decade and a half of FIRST and more than two decades of other sports. I try to exhibit the kind of behavior my parents would want and my students (and their parents) have a right to expect. I have lost my temper a time or two with my team at competitions. Sometimes for easily understandable reasons, sometimes not. I have always apologized afterward. That apology thing is very important to remember.

Over the years we have had some respected mentors from respected teams scream at our kids. One time we definitely made a mistake. That mentor came over to our team about five minutes later and said "I was totally out of line." When our kids said "Hey it was our fault" he asked if they had made the mistake on purpose. They said no, we accidentally put the robot in reverse drive mode. He told them that he had no business acting like that when they made a mistake. To this day we have a good relationship with that mentor. We had another incident where our team was yelled at by another mentor because they didn't hear him tell them to change which said of the scoring rack to hang tube on. He continued to complain for quite a while after the match. Two of his students apologized to our team, but he didn't. As a result we still have a chilly relationship.

As I reread this post, I realize I am kind of rambling. So I will get to the point. Mentors, remember that whether you are at your build site, at competition or on Chief Delphi, you are a role model. That responsibility comes with being a mentor. I am continually impressed with the quality of discussion on CD. It is not always perfect by any means, but as Koko Ed pointed out recently, compared to most of the discussion board world even the most heated discussions on CD are models of restraint. (Here I will pause to make a serious point. Godwin's Law is a thing. If you are ever tempted to make a Nazi/Hitler/Fascist comparison, in any forum, stop and think. You should probably stop and think for at least 24 hours. Make sure you want to go there, because it will likely make many people stop taking you seriously.)

Teachers are often reminded that long after students have forgotten much of the content you taught them, they will remember how you treated them and treated their classmates. They will remember the feelings they have toward you. For mentors the advice is the same.

[carpedav000]

Wow. I'm not even a mentor and I found a lot of stuff that applies to being a student on the team as well.

[Taylor]

The Internet is permanent. Anything that is posted, shared, written, documented - it's gonna be around for a while. Even things that have been "deleted" - they're still archived.

In my downtime, I find myself jumping down the rabbit hole of spotlit posts, reading old threads, and finding completely ridiculous entries I had written. I'm sure I thought I was being clever at the time, but these posts didn't add to the conversation in a positive or productive manner.

[GreyingJay]

I think the best thing mentors can do is model positive relationships with other people. None of us are perfect. We make mistakes. There will be people -- students and other mentors! -- that we do not get along with or agree with 100% of the time. This is not just FRC but it is a fact of life in general. "Gracious Professionalism" is a perfect description of the way we need to handle people, at ALL times.

An example from personal experience - I lost my cool with a student at one of our events. Everyone's emotions were up all day due to competitive pressure and I said some things more harshly than I should have. I went to find the student a few minutes later, after we'd both had time to cool off, and I apologized. We spent the next 30 minutes or so talking it out. I can't hope or expect that to be a life-changing moment but I certainly look back on that as something that I could learn from. We talked through our problem, learned a few things about each other along the way, and I hope we are better friends for it after the fact.

I think the best thing mentors (and students) can do is use their own past experiences to guide their interaction with others. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Have you felt what they are feeling? How would you like to be treated in this scenario? What would you have wished for? The student above was young and inexperienced and throughout the season kept hearing people talking down at him, sometimes quite sternly. I would not be surprised if mine was the first sincere apology he had ever received from an adult.

As this is my first year with FRC I was new to the team, to its processes, and to many machining skills. I am on a parallel experience, trying to find my niche on the team, trying to keep up with those who have years of experience. So I understand the frustrations of the younger students and I hope that I've been able to use that understanding to help the students find their way through the build season and ultimately through life.

I've told students "I'm not here to build a robot. I'm here to build you."

[GeeTwo]

Originally Posted by mathking

Mentors, remember that whether you are at your build site, at competition or on Chief Delphi, you are a role model.

You kind of rambled to get there, but in the end, you nailed it.

[JaneYoung]

Originally Posted by carpedav000

Wow. I'm not even a mentor and I found a lot of stuff that applies to being a student on the team as well.

- That - is when the magic really happens.

Excellence is contagious. ~ Andy Baker


Jane