Making STEM a better place for women

[jweston]

Originally Posted by Amanda Morrison

Look, this is a tough topic with lots of strong feelings. Unless we're talking about it, we're not doing much to find the root cause and potential solutions. I commend you for talking about this, but there's no forum post answer. It's not easy. The uncomfortable factor happens to both males and females, I have dealt with both as recently as this year. Sometimes kids just need someone to talk with when a situation makes them uncomfortable. Approaching this in a very adult way - "here is the plan if you feel uncomfortable at any time, and here are 2-3 mentors that you can approach to discuss if needed, judgement free" - will help the students to handle this in an adult way, too.

One of the things that makes this so difficult is one person's awkward flirting is another's persistent harassment. It gets complicated because in at least many American subcultures, girls are socialized to be accommodating and, if not passive, non-aggressive (YMMV).

This means girls often have a lot of trouble figuring out when it's reasonable for them to tell a guy to back off because, hey, this guy was just trying to be nice. A great example is when a guy starts talking about how favorably he finds a girl's personal appearance. I won't call that "complimenting" because it's really all about him. Or he buys her gifts. Or he tries to do her favors, even if she doesn't want them.

This sets a trap because we call these things compliments or being nice when it's really all about what the guy wants. A girl who finds herself facing a guy's advances that she does not actively welcome (i.e. she's either neutral or does not want them) has two choices: she can either endure, perhaps with greatest levels of socially acceptable discouragement and hope he goes away; or she can tell the guy to back off and risk being labeled as someone who can't take a compliment or is anti-social or stuck up. Not just by the guy, but by her community. Whether or not you believe that fear is reasonable, it's very real to many, many girls. Sadly, I have seen too often communities come down on a girl because she "could have been a little nicer about it."

This is really a human issue. Maybe we in FRC are a little more aware of it because our community knows that girls are underrepresented in STEM and we're trying to find a way to balance that. Plus, as noted, many teenagers are inexperienced and/or immature. They're going to make mistakes. That's not an excuse, just a realistic expectation.

The important part is to make sure students who make mistakes are corrected. The student doesn't need to be embarrassed into submission. They need to understand how they can tell if their actions will create an unwelcoming environment.